<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Waves (will help us hide) by Hamlette</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28240194">Waves (will help us hide)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamlette/pseuds/Hamlette'>Hamlette</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bottom Lucius Malfoy, Canon Compliant, Canon Timeline, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, No such thing as a submissive Malfoy, Self-Harming Severus Snape, Severus Snape Smokes, Slow Burn to Raging Inferno, Suicide Attempt(s), Top Severus Snape, Trans Draco Malfoy, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter), except for all the gayness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:33:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>59,458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28240194</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamlette/pseuds/Hamlette</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 1981. On the night of the Dark Lord’s disappearance in Godric’s Hollow, His second-in-command comes to inform his friend and fellow Death Eater about what happened. But Severus is not dismayed – he barely seems to register what he’s told…<br/>Or the history of an ‘old friendship’ between two wizards, which would only be called such by historians.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>(Mentions of) Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, (Minor) Regulus Black/Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy/Severus Snape, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>176</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>167</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. October/November 1981</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p> I really wanted to read a long Lucius/Severus fic that doesn't include Harry's adoption by them and is as canon-compliant as possible, but I couldn't find one, so I wrote it. <br/>
The chapters have dates in month-year format as titles, so that they can be sorted and read chronologically too. It's more of a collection of scenes (with the general narrative behind them), which can be read in almost any combination you wish - feel free to go wild and mess with the sequence. <br/>
Rated E for later chapters (just the smut though, not the violence or something). Tags may be added as the story progresses. </p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a reason why back in the day owls were often killed.</p><p>Lucius hated to be the bearer of bad news even more than he hated to be on the losing side. Any news he felt like he was to blame for held a special place in that classification.</p><p>The worst thing was how Severus wasn’t angry at the messenger at all.</p><p>He couldn’t have expected it – none of them had. Yet, unlike many other Eaters, he accepted the information about the Dark Lord’s fall or death, possibly, with stoicism. Still, it was the second piece of information that Lucius feared his reaction to the most. However, when he announced, “The Potters are dead, but for the kid, allegedly,” Severus only nodded mechanically, his face inscrutable.</p><p>It was as if he had known about everything already and maybe he did, from Dumbledore; Lucius didn’t pry. Either way, he had the impression Severus was elsewhere, almost completely absent. It could have been either apathy or shock and Lucius wished he could drag out of him which one, but that seemed as impossible as shaking him out of it. He was stuck in such a stupor that if Lucius had told him he was abandoning Cissy for a mudblood, Severus would probably grunt out an indifferent “Mhm.”</p><p>Therefore, counting this as yet another failure of the day, Lucius gave up and left him alone to his reverie. Nevertheless, he knew Severus well enough to give himself an excuse to check up on him later. Hoping it would turn out needless, he forgot his pelt scarf, planning to come back for it in about an hour. Meanwhile, Eunice woke up crying, thus delaying him for around twenty minutes.</p><p>Those twenty minutes almost killed Severus Snape.</p><p>From the second he crossed the doorstep of his office, the silence deafened Lucius. Nothing could be more ominous. Instantly having forgotten about the pelt, he charmed the hidden door open and barged into the private rooms.</p><p>The bedroom was well lit. Severus was sitting in his only armchair, with his head inclined forwards as if he was sleeping. Indeed, he was unconscious. His hands were hanging limply from the armrests, the long, slender fingers already looking like ashen bones. His wand had fallen from his grip, after it had done its due part – Lucius guessed. Next to it, intact but uncorked, lay an empty vial that must have contained some poison, before.</p><p>Here and there, Severus’ slashed robe was bleeding with the whiteness of his shirt, sprinkled with red. The upholstery of the chair was soaked with blood and so were his clothes, which Lucius touched while examining him. His extremely shallow breaths were barely louder than the buzzing of the lonely moth, which was circling around the candleholder. Impossibly, they became even quieter while Lucius spent invaluable time unlocking the cabinets in the adjacent office.</p><p>Keeping in mind how Severus swore by bezoars, he deduced the poison would be resistant to them. Thus, he took another antidote, the strongest he recognised in the multitude Severus had here. Then, he leaned over to him and cautiously poured the bitter-smelling liquid into his livid lips.</p><p>Once the last drop had landed in Severus’ mouth, Lucius cast the counter-curse he’d told him of, ‘Vulnera Sanentur’. Now he deeply regretted not having prompted Severus to share more details about it. Simply recited over his wounds it seemed to have no effect on them – the gashes didn’t so much as close. Impervious to Lucius’ rising panic, they kept lurking at him from beneath the layers of black, inflamed with the pink of flesh.</p><p>Taught by experience, Lucius fed him yet another potion – a blood-replenishing one. The cuts began filling with crimson, but not as fast as he had expected. Nearly intrigued, he repeated Severus’ incantation once more. The change was visible this time – it cleansed the wounds from the bits of cloth stuck inside them. He cast it again and discovered it followed the movement of his wand. Severus had forgotten to mention that, any of this. Ruthless annoyance woke up in Lucius when he realised he might have done so on purpose. With the tip of his wand, he traced over the lines crisscrossing through Severus’ body and the lacerations finally began closing up. They did not do so fully, but the blood had stopped seething out of them. This, Lucius was sure, Cissy would be able to manage.</p><p>What troubled him, however, was how the ashy hue of Severus’ skin still persisted on it. He was more blanched than Lucius had ever seen him with the exception of that one time, two years ago. Considering how back then he only escaped death by some miracle, Lucius would rather not recall it right now. What if he was too late, this time? </p><p>Then, just as Lucius bent to lift him up for the Floo, Severus’ breath hitched and his bluish eyelids fluttered open. He seemed lucid enough to recognise him, even though the midnight ocean of his eyes was obliterated with fog. Lucius hadn’t been happier to see the murky depths of it in a while; or ever, perhaps.</p><p>Severus apparently did not share that sentiment. “Why—do you—always—?” He rasped out, voice weak and horribly quiet. Evidently having exhausted himself with the effort of that reproach, he closed his eyes again. The pace of his rough breaths slowed back into the one of unconsciousness.</p><p>Lucius picked him up, not caring for the blood that would stain his clothes. With a quick spell, he cleaned up the armchair and the floor beneath it. Last thing he wanted was somebody from Hogwarts raising an alarm.</p><p>Holding him close while he entered the portal, he noted that Severus felt simultaneously too light and heavy in his limpness. Lucius’ heart jumped whenever his breaths faltered, one not coming soon enough after the other. The mere fact that for a moment he had seemed better, couldn’t be treated as proof the antidote had worked. It could have been that only some of the toxins were neutralised and the rest were still going to accomplish their task. It was known to happen with well-brewed poisons.</p><p>Why, oh why, did he have to have access to the whole Hogwarts’ storehouse? He could have ingested anything, even a completely new recipe of his own design, which Cissy wouldn’t be able to help with. With that disturbing realisation on his mind, Lucius landed in the manor.</p><p>When he called the house elf to retrieve Narcissa, it was with the greatest strain of his composure that he had stopped himself from yelling. He stared at the greyish shadows on Severus’ skin, wishing he could push liveliness back into him with the force of his will alone. Severus seemed to be turning paler by the minute. Maybe it was the lighting. Yes, it had to be the lighting...</p><p>After an eternity that lasted about two minutes, Cissy appeared in the fireplace, tying her silver bathrobe while she walked out of it. “Good grief, not again!” She exclaimed upon seeing Severus lying on the couch behind her husband. “Not your bloody – literally, I see – dear friend. You do realise that this is the worst moment imaginable to have somebody die in the manor, don’t you?”</p><p>Her admonishments melted into orders as she began commanding him, almost on an equal level with the household elves. Once Severus was appropriately positioned to help with the bleeding, she returned to jabbing at her husband.</p><p>“For the last time – this is not a hospital for your lover boy, Lucius. You should have left him where he was, since, allegedly, Pomfrey is obliged to help the staff no matter the source of their injuries. Or dropped him on his mother’s doorstep…” Cissy whined, pulling her hair up into a tight bun, so it wouldn’t get in the way.</p><p>For a second Lucius forgot about his dread, filled solely with incredulity towards her words. “My—my what? Cissy, please—he’s like a brother to me.”</p><p>“Yes, of course he is,” she scoffed, walking up to the couch. With a patronising smile, she added, “Whatever lets you sleep at night, my dear. Though, Morgana, do I hope you wouldn’t look at your brother the way you do at him sometimes. I thought that was my family’s thing, not yours.”</p><p>“I—I—“ Lucius stammered, like only she was able to cause him to.</p><p>“Yes you,” Cissy shoved him to the side discourteously, “will be best advised to let me through to your ‘<em>brother</em>’—“</p><p>Lucius took an awkward step back, wanting to stay close to find out how bad Severus’ state truly was. Before Narcissa had kneeled by the couch, she turned to him again, pointing to the closest chair. “Take a seat there and stop fidgeting, or so help me Circe…”</p><p>“I am not—“</p><p>“I don’t have time for this.” Her glare pushed him into the chair. Still, he was leaning to observe her from there. Cissy’s lips thinned into a line, as she looked sternly at her ‘patient’ sprawled on the green velvet. She examined him in silence interrupted only by the heavy breaths that made his feeble chest barely heave. Lucius saw her cast diagnostic or maybe stabilising spells, but in her area of expertise, she preferred to do so non-verbally.</p><p>After a short while, she raised her eyes from Severus. “He’s stable, now, though badly hurt, of course. Outside – the curse of his, inside – a poison. Angel’s Trumpet, most likely. You gave him something for it,” she ended on a questioning note.</p><p>“Yes,” Lucius confirmed. He had thought to take the vial with him, thankfully, and now gave it to her.</p><p>“Right…” She turned the bottle in her hands, surveying the scribble on the card stuck to its front. “Good job on your side, Lucius, I have to say. He’s in a better state this time, while what he used had much more potential to kill him.” She directed her wand at Severus’ robes and cut them into pieces with skill. With another charm, most of the blood-soaked fabric was torn away from his skin, falling in scraps onto the floor. Cissy banished them with a flick of her wand. “The poison was of course more lethal than the cuts, but those were more strategic, too.” She paused again, cleaning away the drying blood adorning Severus’ vulnerable body. “Did he invent that damned spell of his merely for the sake of this?”</p><p>Even if her question wasn’t rhetorical, Lucius wouldn’t have been able to answer her. He had been asking himself the same thing ever since the last time.</p><p>“Elf!” Narcissa called, imperiously. “I will need the whole emergency kit, probably more of the blood refilling potion – the red one – so grab two more from the lowest shelf, then the purple salve that lies on the third shelf, and the blue solution from the cupboard with antidotes. And a lot of bandages…” At the incline of her head, the creature disappeared. “…because I doubt I’ll be able to conjure this much,” Cissy went on to Lucius, while straightening for a moment. “He would have died if it hadn’t been for you—though that was the purpose, I’m assuming. The counter-curse he gave you seems way underdeveloped—“</p><p><em>‘And that’s after it has been used three times’</em> – Lucius completed in his mind. Had he been any less desperate, Severus could have bled out to death by now. Already he resembled a tomb monument of some young wizard slain in a battle, sculpted in white marble.</p><p>“Oh, good, you’re back already—“ Cissy nearly exclaimed to the returning house elf. “Put it all on that countertop and bring the whole stand to me.”</p><p>The requested equipment in her arm’s reach, Narcissa stopped talking to concentrate on her work. Her wand flickered like a chisel in a sculptor’s hands, only she was patching up the sculpture rather than creating it from scratch. Lucius liked watching her so focused. He found it calming how assured she was in her movements, putting the ointment over the gashes, her fingers glimpsing with red nail polish over the frightening paleness of Severus’ skin.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. November 1980</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Have a very cheery Lucius on this fine Christmas day. Merry Christmas to you all!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This time their starting point, agreed upon last week, was located in a muggle neighbourhood close to their target. Severus arrived there first. Currently, he was standing below the willow tree, casting a look through his surroundings every now and then. The wind was blowing lightly, moving the frosty osiers of the willow. The stars already began appearing in the sky, which was clear as if the snowstorm earlier had cleansed it from all its clouds. The river murmured quietly under the glistening ice. Lucius should be here any moment.</p><p>As minutes passed, vexation began to rise in Severus. Something must have stopped the Malfoy. Hopefully that wouldn’t mean him having to carry out the ask alone. Imperio was Lucius’ specialty and, besides, the Auror would certainly be trained in guarding his mind against any attacks. No, they needed to be there together.</p><p>Finally, Lucius popped up on the opposite bank. A dark shape with the blond hair as reflective as the frost all around, he was easy to spot. He brushed off the snowflakes that must have fallen on him from the nearest tree and looked around. When his eyes laid on the willow, he waved a gloved hand at him. Even from here, Severus could see him smiling. Rather against himself, he smiled back, though he doubted that would be visible, given the shadow over him.</p><p>Unlike Severus would have, Lucius hadn’t hidden himself in the thicket before disapparating again. A second later, he reappeared right next to Severus. The sound that accompanied him was loud and careless. Either he’d forgotten how to apparate or he was immensely distracted.</p><p>“Are you trying to make yourself conspicuous, Lucius?” Severus chided, remembering the muggle dog-owner he’d seen strolling over at the hill some time ago.</p><p>Lucius didn’t seem to have heard him. Face lit up in the darkness as if from an inner, radiant source, he grabbed both his shoulders, speaking excitedly, “I’m going to have a kid! A kid, Severus!” In his outburst of directionless gratefulness, Lucius kissed him on the cheek. Severus stood there like the idiot he felt he was, too perplexed to react to that. He had the distinct impression Lucius would have also spun around while telling him this, if he’d let him.</p><p>“And you found that out now?”</p><p>“Precisely! The healer has just left Cissy’s side before I came here, excuse me if I’m late, but just—“ Having quickly taken them off Severus’ arms, he swung his hands unmeaningly. “We were expecting it, of course, but it hadn’t worked out the last time and Cissy was afraid something was off and that the magic would fail again and… But well, the most important thing is that it has worked, in the end. And so she’s now with child!”</p><p>Severus caught himself in the act of rubbing his cheek where it had gotten cold from the peck. “Happy for you.”</p><p>“Well, don’t you look like it!” Lucius laughed. Severus inwardly jumped when his hand landed on his back. “Either way, we’ll have to drink to it. How about right after the mission, at the manor? Cissy, of course, cannot keep me company in that now and I certainly need some.”</p><p>Severus raised his brow, unsure how to feel about this rollover of familiarity. Lucius’ joy was rather ill timed with their task and the war in general. At the same time – he doubted he’d ever seen him this cheery before and it was a disturbingly pleasant sight.</p><p>“—I would’ve made you godfather had either of us been into a faith of any sort,” Lucius added, as always eager to fill in any pauses. “Thus it only fits that you’re involved already.”</p><p>That helped the irreality of the situation get through to Severus. “Thank you. What an honour,” he drawled with irony.</p><p>“Oh, come on now,” Lucius nudged him, “ditch the sarcasm. It is a bit of an honour...”</p><p>“A bit of a burden, more like.” Severus scoffed, but then swiftly changed his tone when an offended frown began forming between Lucius’ dark brows. “I won’t have any idea what to do with the kid if it ever involves me taking care of – is it a him or her?”</p><p>“We don’t know yet, but I’d suppose a boy. There hasn’t been a daughter in my branch of the family tree for over a dozen of generations…” Apparently counting, Lucius brushed the sumptuous fur peeking out from beneath his Death Eater cloak. “Yes… three centuries I believe.”</p><p>“Him, then. I would rather avoid having to take care of him.”</p><p>“Worry not, we’ll have an elf on that,” Lucius assured him with a stifled snigger twisting his lips upwards. “Although I can imagine you holding a little kid, why not.”</p><p>“I am not a kid person,” he understated. Children were loud, usually brainless and inexplicably terrifying in that. “So I doubt that would be a good idea.”</p><p>“Well, we’ll think that through in the months to come. For now, let’s go take care of this,” Lucius flourished his wand, “fast, so we may then drink to the health and future of my child.”</p><p>“Fine,” Severus said, fixing the hood of his cloak when Lucius pulled on his own.</p><p>He put his mask on gladly – it allowed him to stop wondering what emotions were showing on his face. For some reason, he felt as if this would be taken away from him if he admitted, properly admitted, that he was happy Lucius wanted to involve him in such matters.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. May 1980</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The scream tore the shroud of the night like the claws of a wounded animal. It came from somewhere above – a bedroom perhaps. The silencing spell didn’t stretch to the upper floor and the house, apparently, had more locators present in it than they had expected.</p><p>Nothing good could come from someone realising their presence here. In this neighbourhood, finding them would be almost effortless for the Aurors. If Aurors did appear, the two of them would have to flee, leaving the premises unchecked, which was guaranteed to upset the Dark Lord.</p><p>Severus was faster to react.</p><p>He rarely attacked unprovoked, but Lucius knew that contrary to himself, Severus had always been best at offensive spells. As far as Lucius was concerned, this was a justifiable provocation, even though the scream had sounded rather child-like.</p><p>Severus twirled in a line of black, his cape sweeping the shatters-covered floor as he lunged directly below where the sound was coming from. The roar of an explosion would have been much more noticeable than a mere clamour, had he not cast that brilliant charm of his, muting it to susurrus to any prying ears. He didn’t utter a single word of incantation. The vivid orange filled the room seemingly out of nowhere and Lucius only judged when to move away from the falling flinders by observing Severus’ wand.</p><p>The cry ceased as abruptly as it had started. Pieces of the ceiling crashed down with a rumble, edging the area where Lucius stood. They omitted Severus as well, if by a much closer call, but he seemed unbothered by that. He was staring at the breach in the upper floor while the dust settled around him slowly, clinging to his clothes in a contrasting line of specks.</p><p>It was in the very last second that Lucius noted the creak of the door opening behind him. He turned on his heel, jumping from the red stripe of a Stupefy just as he cast his own. The woman – an older one as far as he could say just from a glimpse of her, caught in the still present whitish haze – was definitely no muggle.</p><p>She teetered in the doorway and was hit with another curse, coming from Lucius’ side. Without giving her the time to retaliate, Lucius struck her once more and this time his and Severus’ spells met in an exploding flicker aimed at the woman’s chest. She took another faltering step, but wasn’t even in control of her gestures anymore, her wand-hand grasping her robe over her heart. She fell onto her knees, turning towards Severus. Closer to her than Lucius was, he cast the same spell again. That took her balance away completely, making her clash into the debris scattered between them.</p><p>“Why the fuck do <strong>we</strong> have to run into the one vigilante?” Severus voiced Lucius’ exact thoughts. Then, he strode towards the staircase to check the study, as agreed earlier.</p><p>Lucius, meanwhile, closed the door and neatened its spell-affected surroundings, just in case a stranded passer-by got a little too interested and wanted to add to their already problematic day. While he approached the doorway, he saw the blood dripping from the woman’s skull in dark streams, seeping into the bricks. Her hand, twisted at an ungodly angle was still clutching her wand together with the folds of her robe. She died like a witch, with it in hand; just like the mudblood and the blood-traitor before her, to Lucius’ disgust. Based on her looks, she could be the mother of the blood-traitor. “Failed to raise him properly, then,” Lucius condemned in a murmur, pushing her limp arm away with a spell to clear the path. While he focused on the entrance, the corpse must have given its last spasms and now it rested still, gnarled between the rubble like an emerging sprout.</p><p>A moment later, Severus came back from the floor above. His mask-less face was blood-streaked, no doubt from the gruesome cut on his head. His hair had been soaked with crimson even earlier, but Severus disregarded the injury as “a scratch”. Now the unruly wisps had left stamps on his skin, a few uneven but regular strokes which brought war paint to Lucius’ mind. Without hesitation, he aimed his wand at Severus’ head to clear that up. Severus raised his to counter, but then lowered his hand when the characteristic tingling of the spell reached him, and instead opted for only glaring at Lucius for his intervention.</p><p>“This is no time to—” he began to protest, shooting a look at the other corpse buried in the debris while he passed it.</p><p>“You’re welcome.” Lucius grinned at him, hiding his wand for now.</p><p>Severus gave an unmeaning grunt. “We’re done here,” he assessed next, as his gaze swept the room once more. “Cast the Mark, Lucius, and let’s leave this place before there comes another.” His chin jutted in the direction of the woman on the floor.</p><p>Lucius nodded. Theoretically, he was the one in charge, but he didn’t mind Severus’ occasional bossiness. Having put his mask on again, he walked outside and stopped on the pavement between the rosebushes. The drizzle was jostling their leaves and petals, making those silent witnesses shake with fright.</p><p>The kitchen window had been crashed to dust, but from here it just looked as if it had been left open. Only the shard stuck in the left corner of the frame betrayed the skirmish it had survived; the rest of the glass had fallen inside or into the planter below. The ceiling of the ground level had collapsed in one place already, so the rest of the construction would probably follow soon. For now however, from the ground the house seemed intact. If it didn’t turn into ruins in the next few hours, it would be even better – that would keep the surprise for the neighbours coming from afar, wondering whether it hadn’t been their homes. Feeling himself smile a little, Lucius raised his wand into the sky.</p><p>The spell erupted in greenish greys, adding up nicely to the already dark clouds. Reflected in the droplets on the plants, its gleam made them look almost fluorescent. Admittedly, the roses were beautiful. It was quite impressive that mudbloods had a grasp of herbology good enough to garden properly. Their luck never ceased to amaze him.</p><p>As soon as the skull had formed in the air, Severus emerged through the front door. His face was now covered up like Lucius’ own. The shadow of his hood fell upon the metal menacingly. If anyone’s mask resembled an actual skull, it was this one. Although this was exactly the point of them, it always felt uncanny to Lucius just how much Severus brought to his mind tale depictions of the Death, when in his robes. Wonderfully eerie, if Lucius was to be the judge of that.</p><p>He met Severus’ eyes, peeking out of the holes of the skull’s eye sockets, and lowered his head. Without a single word, they both disapparated.</p><p>A moment later, they landed in the most secluded part of the woods surrounding the Malfoy Manor. It would be unwise to appear straight into the mansion with blood still on their more than apparent Death Eater robes. Cissy definitely wouldn’t have liked it if they barged in like this.</p><p>Here, the sun had yet to hide behind the gathering clouds and there was no sign of the rain, either. Grateful for not having to repeat the umbrella spell once more, Lucius threw the hood off his hair. Only then did he reach for his mask.</p><p>The rays of the afternoon sun slid off Severus’ mask before he too took it off, revealing that his forehead had covered up with blood again. Lucius knew better than to impose help on him once more and, besides, he had his own injuries to attend to. He leaned over his knee to assess the damage to his sheen. It wasn’t as serious as he had worried. The spell had only grazed him, not deeply enough to reach the muscles, though it had left a strip of stinging skin peeping through the slit in his trousers.</p><p>He straightened again, making a mental inventory of all the little cuts on his left arm. The robe was torn only in two places, but it felt like much more, which meant that bitch must have made the shards erupt beneath his sleeve. In the corner of his eye, he saw a white shape flicker between Severus’ fingers. He turned to him sharply.</p><p>Paying no heed to his own injuries, Severus had taken out a packet of his muggle cigarettes. His thin fingers selected one out of the dozen or so and then he lifted his gaze onto Lucius. “What?”</p><p>“Excuse you, but I have cuts from that mirror all over my arm and the smoke stings. So you are not doing that until I’m done healing them—“</p><p>“Why? Afraid of a little pain, Malfoy?” Severus asked with snide, putting the cigarette between his lips. “If you can’t deal with them yourself you can say so, you know.”</p><p>“I sure wouldn’t take advice on that from you. Do you even see me through all that blood, or if I stopped speaking you wouldn’t know where I’m standing anymore, huh?”</p><p>Severus snorted, which somehow sounded very much like a muttered “Piss off,” but Lucius decided not to dwell on it. Much more importantly, he’d prevailed on him on the matter of smoking.</p><p>With a heavy sigh, Severus pushed the cigarette back into its place and pocketed the box. “Cuts, huh?” he asked, stepping towards him, while Lucius severed off the sleeve of his robe and cloak. Both layers of fabric fell onto the grass tiredly, ready to soak in any dew gathered in the mossy clearing.</p><p>“Yes,” Lucius confirmed, casting a look at the skin of his arm. He had been correct – the little red dots riddled its length up to the shoulder, culminating where the tears had been. To give Severus access to the cuts, he leaned to the right. “Unfortunately for me, the mudblood knew her transfiguration…”</p><p>Severus ran his fingers around the wounded area. Lucius had seen him do that before, to himself as well, though he’d never asked for the reasoning behind it. He held still, watching him do that.</p><p>“—Sort of exactly why she shouldn’t have been ta—ouch—” Lucius broke off, crying out in surprise and pain, when Severus practically dug his nails into one of the wounds. He had been so concerned with observing his hands that he failed to notice the exact actions of them.</p><p>Held between Severus’ slender fingers, there was a triangular shard of glass. “That was the only one stuck,” he explained against Lucius’ reproachful glare, “so it would be useless to waste spells on it.”</p><p>Well, this was one way to be offered help. If a healing charm hadn’t followed shortly, Lucius would have yelled at him for it. However, Severus was usually a trustworthy healer. Indeed, in a blink the prickling of the wounds’ closing travelled with a shiver through Lucius’ body. After he was finished with the arm, Severus shot a silent glance at the scratch on his leg and handed him an unlabelled vial.</p><p>From the colour alone, Lucius recognised it as the salve Severus told him about last month, all the while harbouring his pride about having changed the recipe to make it more efficient. “Thank you.”</p><p>“You can put it on the arm as well. So it doesn’t scar,” Severus informed, already stepping away a few feet. While Lucius was busy uncorking and then applying the salve, he return to rummaging through his pockets.</p><p>“You?” Lucius asked him, stretching the hand with the open container to him.</p><p>Severus shook his bloodied up head. “I don’t care for having scars.”</p><p>“Oh, clearly, but I care for you not collapsing from blood loss in front of me. And for the general lack of gushing wounds in my proximity, in fact.”</p><p>Severus looked at him askew, the lid of the cigarette packet dark underneath his pale fingers. “Stickler,” he said in a tone that told Lucius he’d caved in.</p><p>Having corked the bottle up and thrown it into his pocket, Lucius drew his wand and walked up to him. The air bit his bare skin more sharply as he joined him in the shadow. “Since you don’t want the salve, I’m not going to force that upon you,” he informed, before getting to his work. He spelled off the blood, which had started to congeal in the single wrinkle on Severus’ forehead. The plastered together strands of hair came apart, falling onto Severus’ head in their typical manner, like a waterfall of ink. Next so did the lashes of his left eye, glued together by the thin red trickle that curled right below it.</p><p>Severus watched him intently as the white light issued from the tip of Lucius’ wand, encompassing his skull. “It was a boy before school age,” he said suddenly, between the incantations.</p><p>“What?” Lucius asked, puzzled for a second before his mind detached itself from the task enough to realise what he was talking about. “The wailing kid, you mean?”</p><p>The black eyes met his. Something odd was reflected in their depths, illuminated by the healing gleam. “Yes.”</p><p>“I didn’t really see him,” Lucius admitted. He had hardly ever been an enthusiast of inspecting the bodies and only made an exception for the woman today because he was too irritated with her not to.</p><p>“No surprise.” The light of the spell vanished along with the gash crossing through Severus’ temple. He raised his hand to trace the newly formed scar. In a moment, it’d be covered by his hair, Lucius presumed. “You were far too preoccupied not letting a brick hit your pretty head—“</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“What?” Severus stared at him impudently, putting the previously discarded cigarette into his mouth. Lucius recognised it for it was stained with blood at its end. Lucius had to stop himself from shaking his head at such abandon. “That’s a fact,” Severus added, biting lightly at the cigarette.</p><p>“Also called responsibility and basic safety, though you’re free to believe I’m just vain.” Using how his wand was still drawn, since he had intended to mend his sleeve, Lucius cast out a small flame.</p><p>Severus raised his brow unevenly, as if to say, <em>“You needn’t have.”</em>  Leaving his own wand in its sheath, he bent towards it. His deep inhale made the cigarette take fire quickly. The reddened end turned incandescent and then ashen before he’d so much as stepped back to avoid breathing the smoke out at Lucius.</p><p>“Thanks,” Severus said between the drags.</p><p>Lucius took that to mean for patching him up as well. He smiled and directed his wand back at the piece of black fabric in the mix of moss and grass on his right. As it flew up to match itself to the lines of the tear and the stitches started to appear accordingly to the movement of his hand, Severus spoke again.</p><p>His voice was as soft as always, but that did not make his words any less unsettling. “When magic manifested in him, later in life, he would have become a half blood like any other. Like me,” escaped him very quietly, showing he was aware of just how indecent that thought was.</p><p>Lucius turned to him, taken aback enough to lose focus on the stitches. Was he serious? He looked serious, grave even, with his eyes closed over the tense lines of his now clean face. Very briefly, Lucius wondered when they had become this harshly cut. “Now… Don’t dwell on it,” he advised, while finishing his sewing without another glance – it did not have to perfect right now, after all. “A kid of blood traitors could only become a traitor himself. Besides, he was of worse blood; that matters too.” In two swift strides, he stopped by his side again and patted him on the shoulder.</p><p>Severus didn’t react to his touch, quite atypically for himself considering all his twitches. However, he also tended to fall deep into his thoughts every once in a while. His cheeks fell in, hollower with the inhale. A second later, the smoke started to snake around him, frenzied with a gust of wind. The acidic cloud swallowed them both, sneaking into Lucius’ nose too. He had been standing too close, so now it scratched his throat, causing him to cough.</p><p>He’d thought Severus said something during his coughing attack, but that the noise had drowned his voice. Yet, when he looked at him again, he still had that philosopher’s  expression on his face, undisturbed even by the glance he shot Lucius to check if he was alright. Perhaps he hadn’t said anything at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. June 1972</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Little Sev was sitting underneath the beech tree. A book in his lap, he was scribbling something with his ever-present black quill. The vast shadows of the tree’s roots gave him cover, though not from those standing in front of it as Lucius was right now. When he realised he was being spied upon, Severus shot him a dark look.</p><p>Lucius smiled in response. “Hey, Sev, willing to join?” he shouted in his direction, gesturing towards the group of Slytherins down at the shore.</p><p>He had the questionable joy of overseeing those kids as they were swimming in the lake. Technically, it wasn’t one of his duties. Also technically, Slughorn could hold him responsible if something happened to them and Dumbledore definitely would. Lucius would rather uphold the family tradition of wrapping Horace right around his finger; not to mention – avoid getting in trouble with the headmaster. He preferred not to risk his badge.</p><p>Slytherin was by no means the only house allowed to swim, but it was the only one which dared to. The ‘daring’ aspect was Gryffindors’ specialty, but few lions had ever tried. Slytherins, however, were more familiar with the Lake’s dangerous inhabitants, so some of them were choosing to face them in their spare time. Lucius himself swam from his very arrival at Hogwarts, whenever the weather permitted. His father had instructed him how to fight off a grindylow back when he was seven. Yet, even those preparations hadn’t saved him from landing at Madame Pomfrey’s a good few times over the years.</p><p>For a while, he was quite alone in this hobby. As far as he knew, it had been more popular back in his father’s time, but then some incautious student almost died in the lake and so it was forgotten. Finally, one day in third grade somebody asked about his wet hair during breakfast and then it was back in fashion for the Slytherins. Madame Pomfrey lamented over that change, though less so since he became a Prefect and actually took care of his swimming housemates.</p><p>It was easy to sweat-talk Poppy if one knew how to approach her. She was his mother’s acquaintance, so Lucius had that skill mastered early. However, he genuinely didn’t wish to see her frown over some kid’s bitten-away hand. Besides, that too could bring the hazard of his family being owled about it – all the more reason to avoid it. Thus, he was currently walking back and forth on the shore, observing the youngsters swimming in the navy waters. He figured that if he was already playing the role of a nanny, another child under his care made little difference. However, his little black-haired housemate was not eager to jump into the water.</p><p>Lucius’ yell revealed the location of his clever lodge, so Severus now abandoned it. Having gathered his things into a bag, he got up without a word. Slumped, he was only shooting Lucius a glare from beneath his furrowed brows. He came to a halt a few steps from the prefect and threw his schoolbag on the ground ostentatiously. Still silent, he stood there, hands in his pockets. Tall, skinny and haughty, he was looking at the fun others were having with a disapproving pout.</p><p>After a while and a little intervention concerning Robinson and Wilkes, Lucius broke the quiet. “Come on, aren’t you getting hot in that, Sev?” he asked, pointing at his robes. He himself had a light, linen-robe on and his hair pulled back. It was a weekend and they were allowed to dress in whatever, but Severus was in his ragged school uniform, absorbing all the sunlight.</p><p>“No.” Sev crossed his arms on his frail chest. “And I told you not to call me that.”</p><p>“Well, whatever you say, Severus. Don’t know how about you, but I’m going swimming,” Lucius informed him, starting to take off his clothes.</p><p>The boy looked at him, one eyebrow raised. “Shouldn’t you be watching over them on the shore?”</p><p>Lucius threw his robe on top of his bag not to let it catch dirt. He glanced at the boy, mirroring his expression. “Oh, I thought you’d do that, since you’re not getting in the water.”</p><p>In all honesty, he was sure the kids could manage not drowning themselves for ten minutes. Besides, he couldn’t leave his wand on the shore either way – he would need it to cast the glamour for his skin, later.</p><p>Apparently tongue-tied, Severus looked at him blankly, black sleeved arms still folded in front of him. He scanned Lucius from head to toe. Normally, Lucius would dread something like that, hence why he always swam alone. In this case, however, he stayed there, unmoving, fighting his habitual urge to cover himself and allowed little Severus to survey him with his relentless stare.</p><p>The undergarments only hid the bruise high on Lucius’ thigh. All the rest was visible. Sun shone on him, illuminating it all and keeping him warm while he waited for Sev’s reaction.</p><p>He was very aware how his bruises looked like. He had examined himself before a mirror countless of times. He could even recall the first time that happened – he was three or four and father had gotten furious with him for fussing during the dinner when some ministry official was visiting them. When the guests were gone, he made sure Lucius remembered that misdemeanour of his. After he had been punished, with childish, morbid curiosity he ran to the bathroom to see how the swellings pulsating on his skin looked, reflected in glass. Ever since then, he knew for sure – they looked ugly and as if he were weak.</p><p>The spots were certainly less numerous now that he had learnt how to avoid getting them and some had healed. Still, they covered a good part of his upper arms. He also had two on his right thigh and another on the left one, though it wouldn’t be visible in trunks-length pants. Another three or so were scattered on his chest and back, one running across his stomach like it came from a belt. He wasn’t going to twirl around for Sev, but there was a new, livid stripe cutting across the line of his spine too. He earned that one during Easter.</p><p>His father would never have left a bruise somewhere easily noticeable. If Lucius tried to get someone to notice them, it would only end up in their number growing; he had learnt that by the age of six.</p><p>Mother was the only one he could be open with about them. She aided him in healing them, but never did anything to stop them from appearing. Her treatments helped lessen the pain, though they were never able to remove the purplish stains completely – they were purposefully unhealable. The curse his father used to inflict them would only let them disappear once “he understood his mistake.” Unfortunately, he grew up to disagree with his father on the reasoning behind some of them. Thus, those were permanent. Until he would have learnt to hoodwink that spell, at least. He was researching it in the Restricted Section every now and then, but hadn’t managed to find a solution yet.</p><p>He taught himself to dodge the punishments, but it wasn’t always something he could talk his way out of. Besides, some already were there – horrible, yellowish, irremovable. Those he had to learn to accept. He kept staring into the silver framed mirror in his room at the manor and the one in the Slytherin boys’ bathroom until he was able to.</p><p>Still, he refused to show them openly. To most people, they would require a ton of explaining he did not wish to give; not to little Sev, however.</p><p>Having seen him try to hide a bruise on his cheek after Christmas, Lucius drew his conclusions. Sev’s weren’t half as well planned as his. He could only assume, but he guessed the muggle father was responsible. Therefore, any healing spell, even a basic one, would help his case greatly. Self-cast healing charms, if the first year knew any, were rarely successful and asking for help was understandably out of the question. A single visit to Poppy would have gotten him all patched up if the injuries were of muggle origin, but inventing a believable story for her would be hard and humiliating. Lucius wasn’t surprised Sev would rather sit with his hand on his cheek during meals. </p><p>He wasn’t inept at covering it up. Most people wouldn’t have noticed. Most people never noticed such things, even when they were in plain sight. But Lucius did.</p><p>He saw the twitch of his hand and the rigidness of his features when Sev realised he was being watched. He met Lucius’ gaze firmly then. The message carried in the whirlpools of his eyes was crystal clear to the prefect, <em>“Don’t mention that. Ever.”</em> Anyhow, it would be highly embarrassing for the both of them if Lucius just dragged him to the side to talk it over. Therefore, he never did. At the same time, he wished he could assist him somehow, preferably without being too obvious with it to anyone else.</p><p>Now the occasion had arisen. He didn’t know what reaction he had expected from Sev. He didn’t think it through too thoroughly – just conjectured the reason behind Severus’ reluctance to take his robe off and acted on it. Even if his bruises had faded long ago, not held in place with magic like Lucius’ were, it was more complicated than that. Lucius knew he couldn’t help much, but he wanted to make the kid feel less alone with whatever he was going through.</p><p>The reaction he got was a very timid, surprised smile, thrown his way while the boy let his arms down. “You too?” Sev whispered with something very close to awe.</p><p>Lucius nodded.</p><p>In a short while, they were both immersed in the navy blue waters of the lake up to their heads, splashing water at each other. The Black Lake had one great advantage over most other bodies of water – it was murky and impenetrable. Engulfing them, the waves made them both feel safe.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. October 1979</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> I wouldn't say this is a particularly hope-instilling chapter, but well, what can you do. Happy New Year, everyone! </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the narrow room, beside a small pine desk in front of the only window, a skinny boy was sitting. His nightshirt creased on his shoulders, too wide for his frame. The folds of cotton resting on his hunched back were irritating, but not enough so to throw him off reading. Hunched over a book he had bought with Lucius’ money, he studied it in the annoyingly bright light of the electrical lamp. He wasn’t supposed to make any light sources float above his head, because then some neighbours could see that through the window. Thus, he had no option but to suffer through the electricity. Outside, the wind was blowing, ruthlessly whipping the window with the branches of a nearby tree. It was as if everything around him was conspiring not to let him focus, when he so desperately wanted – no, needed – to.</p><p>Severus hated that and he hated it here.</p><p>His cubicle was almost as small as his room at home. Shabby paint was coming off the walls in flakes, but he wasn’t allowed to repair it with magic, even if he had the motivation to find an appropriate spell. The electricity was blinding. However, he probably should be grateful. He had no way of affording a better place than this and the muggle couple demanded such a small rent, one could almost say they provided for him. Their own son, a wizard himself, was lost to the war not two years ago, so that could factor into their generosity. Whatever it was – it was useful.</p><p>The wind made a particularly shrill noise and once again he got distracted from studying the old parchment. Having raised his head from over it, he caught a glimpse of a light down below. He watched it for a moment, as it snaked between the sparse bushes in the yard. The light seemed like it had a magical source, though, if asked, Severus wouldn’t have been able to justify that claim. It travelled along a shadow through the stone path down below, heading right to the house; this house.</p><p>Severus felt his throat constrict a little. Only two people knew where he lived. Anyone else, including his mother, had to rely on owls to contact him. Not that there had been particularly many attempts to do so. A naive hope appeared in him together with a terrible fear. It could be one of the two people – and Lucius did not seem like the type to sneak through muggle neighbourhoods in the middle of the night. Which meant it would be… It could be…</p><p>“No,” he scolded himself as he got up. That was impossible. It was plain foolish of him to even entertain that thought. He wouldn’t return to him first. He had a family, imperfect, but one that missed him. And if it wasn’t him or Lucius, then perhaps somebody who shouldn’t have found him just did so.</p><p>He took a long breath, calling himself back to order. There was little use in musing about it, when he could just go downstairs and check.</p><p>If it was the most likely option, then perhaps he’d get killed and be done with it all. If the intruder indeed came to attack him, he only hoped they would have enough decency to clean up the mess that would leave. Mr. Griffith really didn’t need to trip over a body on his way to work. Not wanting to scare his hosts was partly why Severus had recently asked the muggles to never enter his room, even when announced. He wasn’t going to do anything stupid, of course, but he was thinking about it. A lot. Besides, it was a useful rule for when he tested out spells within the bay in the wall that hid him from the window. Otherwise, although they knew about magic, he wasn’t allowed to perform it around the Griffiths. He cursed that fact right now, while walking downstairs in complete darkness.</p><p>No sooner had he crossed the last step, than he heard the knocking. It was faint and certainly did not sound aggressive. Once again, he had to sort his mind into calm. Maybe he was entirely wrong and the source of the light had not been magical. With growing apprehension, he opened the door.</p><p>It wasn’t Regulus. Yet, even if it had been him, Severus wouldn’t have been more floored by the sight.</p><p>Very few locks of red hair glimpsed from beneath the black cape and glistened copper in the light of the witch’s Lumos, but that alone was enough of an introduction to him. There was no chance a stranger with a similar height and hair colour had wandered up to the door of his hosts. Still, a part of Severus held onto that belief like to the last straw of sanity, until she lifted the hood of her cloak.</p><p>He could’ve forgotten his own name, but never that face. Not that face, now blurred in the twilight, but so obviously hers he could pinpoint each of the freckles on it. He had to hold on to the doorframe to fight the shock trying to knock him over. With the last thought of ‘<em>Lily. This is Lily,</em>’ his brain switched itself off as if the Nox she’d just cast extended to Severus’ mind.</p><p>“Hi, Severus,” Lily said, as if it was perfectly normal for her to appear here. “I’ve got to talk to you.”</p><p>For a moment, he was too dumbstruck to utter a word of response. He just stared at her unblinkingly, wondering when she would turn into a cloud of smoke in the accompaniment of someone’s chortling. </p><p>Lily tilted her head. The auburn hair waved with the movement. “So… can I come in?”</p><p>It took Severus another hot minute to realise she had been waiting for an answer. “Sure… yes, of course,” he said, shuffling out of her way. He tried to take her coat to hang it along with others in the hall, but Lily shook her head.</p><p>“Thanks, but I’d rather take it with me.”</p><p>“I live upstairs.” He gestured to the door, despite having a feeling she could know that already. If she had managed to find out he lived here at all, she must have been quite thorough in her investigation. “And the electric switch is stupidly only located downstairs. So we’ll have to walk up in the darkness—“</p><p>“Oh, so you aren’t allowed to levitate anything?” she asked with interest, reminding him she understood what he was dealing with, regarding the muggles.</p><p>“Unfortunately no.”</p><p>“Poor you, then,” Lily said sincerely as they begun to climb the stairs. “I can, ‘round mum and dad, but only because the Ministry knows I live there, so I suppose you’d have to register. Though they wouldn’t like it much, the Griffiths – magic really messes up the electronics. That’s not just something they tell you in MS, I know all too well.”</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Severus agreed, remembering how his hosts missed the news once because he had been testing spells out earlier. “There,” he said, opening the door for her.</p><p>He truly was in luck for having cleaned a little earlier – although still disgustingly sordid, at least the room looked orderly now. The lamp, he had left switched on, battled in vain with the greyness. Still, the place was enshrouded as if  in smoke. Thinking of which, he waved his wand at the ashtray, cleaning it quickly with a nonverbal spell. He still remembered how angry Lily had been with him that one time, years ago, when he’d nicked a tab from Tobias just to check whether it was indeed as calming as mother sometimes said.</p><p>Lily cast a glance around the room. Curiosity, repressed by politeness, showed on her slightly smiling face. “How are you holding up?” she asked him, as soon as the door closed behind them.</p><p>Severus didn’t understand what she was hinting at and she was being way too nice, given their last encounters. Suspicious, he watched her, as she stopped next to his bed. “Hm?”</p><p>“About Reg, I mean. I don’t know much, but I’ve seen you ‘round him, so I suppose…” Lily had never been one for lying. Her eyes were focused on him, concerned and painfully sincere. Still, it didn’t seem feasible that she would have come just to say her condolences. This was some sort of a trap. It had to be.</p><p>“Thank you for your concern, I’m fine. How did you find me?” Severus replied, crossing his arms on his chest.</p><p>“Well, with a little bit of spying and of luck – mainly luck, to be honest.” Lily gave a small shrug. “My parents were once trying to, let’s call it, share experiences, with other muggleborns’ parents. And though they didn’t meet the Griffiths then, because Michael, of course, was much older than us, they met Marbles – whose daughter is a year older than we are, Elle from Hufflepuff’s Quidditch team, maybe you’ve heard of her.”</p><p>Severus had absolutely no clue, but didn’t want to disrupt her, so he just shook his head.</p><p>“Anyways, those knew the Griffiths, I didn’t ask how exactly, but that’s how I learnt they took a wizard in, and then some more on it, when Mrs. Marble was on for tea at ours. I figured out the age was correct and the description sure was, so then I only had to find where the Griffiths lived and check, which I did, not long ago. Sorry to barge in on you at night, by the way, this part wasn’t actually planned at all.” Although her smile stayed on, unaffected through her whole explanation, the rest of her expression tightened into a frown he recognised as a chiding one.</p><p>Perhaps he had sounded a little too defensive earlier. “…Well… actually thank you. For the concern. And—” he had almost started to ask the question that bothered him most – her reason for being here, but then broke off when she started talking again.</p><p>She smiled a little more this time, cheeks dimpling unequally. Her tone, however, remained sombre. Too sombre, perhaps. “I’ve heard about Reg from Sirius, of course. Walburga – well, their mum, though Sirius obviously doesn’t call her that, still believes he’ll be back, but now that the—“</p><p>“Do you want to sit down?” Severus interrupted her. Unconceivably to himself, every word she spoke became annoying to him. He gestured from the bed to the chair by the desk. Lily chose the former.</p><p>“So, as I was saying,” Lily went on, settling down with her back against the wall, while he turned the chair towards her and took a seat as well. “—Walburga still refuses to think he won’t return. I’m not surprised, really. Hell, I don’t think I would either if I was his mum, as bad a mum she could be… And maybe he really is, but the rest of the family think that’s unlikely. Kreacher’s been acting oddly too and Sirius kind of blames him, the house-elf. He says that he’s always been ‘shifty’, Kreacher, but I think he just doesn’t like him because he serves his mother. Well, anyways—“</p><p>Why was she explaining it to him as if he didn’t know anything about it at all? It was as if he had never heard how Kreacher loved Regulus’ mum like a maniac or how he was “a helpful little creature, though Siri never agrees with me on that.” Or as if Reg had never sneaked into his dorm, because he was “too angry to sleep alone with his thoughts” exactly after his disowned brother had called him per the house-elf’s name after a Quidditch match. As if he needed explaining.</p><p>“—he’s got all those news from Alphard, I mean the un—“</p><p>“Lily, I know all that. Probably better than you do. You can just use the names.”</p><p>“Oh.” Lily put a wisp of hair behind her ear. “Well, I’ve heard Regulus wasn’t particularly talkative, so I thought… Anyways, Walburga doesn’t talk to Alphard either, but …Ella I think the name was, does—“</p><p>“Druella. The ‘nice aunt’, but who Walburga likes still.” For Merlin’s sake, was she going to get to the point or was he being sentenced to his favourite person in the world returning to him only to blabber about his least favourite topic?</p><p>“…Yeah.” Lily looked at him, arching her brow a little. “Well, yeah… I didn’t know you were very close with Reg. You sure haven’t spoken about him much… before you know…”</p><p>Severus stared back, equally puzzled as she was. He really didn’t understand what the big deal was here – Regulus was fairly talkative about his family. He had always been so to him, at least. When countered with the emeralds of her eyes, which sparkled with curiosity, Severus suddenly felt like he was being interrogated. Maybe he was, actually. That would explain why she had wanted to find him. “We were housemates. Just that.”</p><p>“Okay. Still...” she broke off, eyes darting to his hands. Severus followed her gaze and noticed he had been wringing his fingers. He stopped that immediately, but Lily had already noted it too, “Oh come on, I know when you’re trying not to seem distressed, remember? You rub your forefinger with your thumb, when you’re really upset…” She leaned over the gap, admittedly – small, between the bed and his chair and laid her hand on his. Severus tried his best not to look as stricken by that as he was. “Anyways,” she went on, patting the outside of his hand comfortingly while Severus strained all his mental composure trying not to blush. “I should probably tell you what I’m here for, shouldn’t I?”</p><p>Before he could as much as nod, Lily had already resumed speaking, a more serious expression on her face now. “So, I got into an argument with James…” There was no sweeter sentence in the English language. Severus curbed a smile, but Merlin, did he want to grin at this. “Which swerved from Reg to you, kind of. See,” Lily lifted her hand and leaned against the wall again, “they’ve been a little up in their heads, James and Sirius, because of the thing with Reg. Sirius thinks it was Voldemort—” Severus shuddered, not having expected the name, but, immersed in her story, Lily didn’t notice. “—that Regulus must have gotten cold feet and tried to get out of it – and he wouldn’t let him. At first, he believed he’d deflected, but I think James kind of talked him out of that hope… Nevertheless… Personally, I don’t even think he’d sworn in. I mean, Walburga could have been saying that to her family just to swank – even James’ mum thinks so.” Lily’s voice was growing faster with each sentence, as if she felt she had to hurry before he’d interrupt her.</p><p>Severus had no such intention, he only watched her attentively, his joy turning swiftly into dread when he started to realise what she would want from him.</p><p>“Either way, their talk then shifted to you, because Sirius said—well, no matter what he said, he was being awful, let’s leave it at that. And when James was telling me that, literally a moment ago, I pointed out what I’ve found out, about the Griffiths. He said that doesn’t prove anything, that you could live with them and still hate them, and people like me… But I’ve heard a little bit about you from Mrs. Marble. And on top of that, I know what I know – and I know you stuck around some horrible people at school, but so did Regulus, and if he’d had a change of heart… God, am I making any sense, Severus?”</p><p>“Yes. Quite a lot,” Severus admitted with his heavy heart climbing up to his throat.</p><p>“Great…” Lily curled her lock around her finger. “So, well, I suppose I’m trying to ask you to tell me if I’m right.”</p><p>Thoughts ran through his head with the speed of an enraged chimaera. He asked himself if he could renounce the Mark. He could probably tell her he didn’t want it anymore, that it had been a mistake, that he wanted to be on her side, whatever that would mean. He could beg. Maybe she would forgive him, by some miracle. He had the place he lived in to speak for him and he could capitalise on her sympathy for him and for Reg, though that idea made his stomach turn a little. Worse yet, he then remembered something, something terribly important – that she had laughed.</p><p>She laughed, then, three years ago, by the beech tree on the shore of the Black Lake. She laughed that little, soft giggle of hers, reserved for the most amusing things in the world. That made him say that unforgivable word, that, more than Potter’s jeer, more than all the eyes piercing him, more than the fact he had needed help from a girl. He was that most amusing thing then, he and Potter’s inhumane fucking jokes. She was now marrying Potter, if what Severus had heard was correct, or at least lived with him from what she had just said herself. And she laughed, back then.</p><p>Severus knew two people who wouldn’t have laughed. Just the two, because, frankly, even his own parents probably would have, especially Tobias. Those two people, Regulus and Lucius, both wore Marks exactly the same as the one imprinted on his forearm, now burning him as if He was summoning.</p><p>“Do you want me to show you my left arm?” Severus asked, feeling his own jaw clench.</p><p>“Your wor—“ Lily had started to say, but even Lily, pure, fair Lily Evans… or Potter now, perhaps Potter now, couldn’t deny herself checking his sincerity. “Well, actually,” she amended quickly, eyes swaying to the sleeve of his robe, “if you wouldn’t mind?”</p><p>Severus cuffed the sleeve with a swift jerk of his right hand. One of the buttons twisted and scratched his skin while he did so, the pain minuscule against what he was already feeling. “I’m sorry, Lily.”</p><p>He wasn’t sure what he was apologising for. Perhaps for his part in the incident on the beach once again, perhaps for how their paths had split even before it. Perhaps for the Mark alone or for how he felt like he’d been lying to her with those five minutes of conversation that made him remember why he had missed her so much.</p><p>Lily’s eyes burst on fire, green like a killing curse for just one second. Severus forced himself to hold their gaze, even though it hurt like a shrapnel spell tearing through his soul. They settled back into calm remains and she inclined her head to him, solicitous rather than afraid. However, he caught the movement of her hand, up until now lying on the blanket over his bed; she’d reached for her wand. Needlessly – he wouldn’t hurt her even if she decided to curse him.</p><p>“Do you regret it?” she asked, leaning still closer, as if getting a better look could make the black ink on his skin fade away.</p><p>Severus snorted with derision and now she did back away a little, fingers twitching visibly on the brown handle of her wand. Even if he did regret it, hadn’t she just noted herself, earlier, that there was no way out? Her little friends had no idea what were up against and neither did Lily if she expected him to admit this. He shook his head firmly, making sure he wasn’t betraying himself with anything stupid, like the movement of his hand. “No. I do not.”</p><p>Silence fell and he barely dared to disturb it with his breathing. A glaze had covered the bottom of her eyes, but she persisted in staring at him, maybe hoping that would startle him into changing his mind. Perhaps she believed in him this much, but had bottled that faith inside her before. Perhaps she was just unable to accept she had been mistaken. She had always been quite stubborn. He had always loved that in her.</p><p>Severus averted his gaze first. The darkness behind the window, impenetrable now that the neighbours from across had finally gone to sleep, assuaged him a little.</p><p>Her fist had curled and uncurled a few times while anger simmered in her, but it seemed to have died down before she spoke again. “I lost the argument, then,” she remarked coolly. He remembered that tone and how it destroyed his world the first time he had heard it. Good thing there was very little left to destroy now. “I thought I knew you better than that…”</p><p>Severus shrugged, unsure what else to do now or if he could even do anything. If she was right – no, if Black was right, and as loathe as he was to admit it, it was possible – then everything had stopped making sense already. He wasn’t going to see Reg ever again, that was guaranteed. Perhaps he was going to stop hearing his name soon too; the Dark Lord did not like it when traitors were mentioned.</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry for barging in for no reason, then,” Lily said, after another moment of their motionless silence. It sounded like an accusation against him having  tricked her into believing he was better than he really was… Maybe he had done that, years ago, but it hardly mattered now. His arm was still resting, bare, on his leg, elbow digging into the flesh of it. Her eyes travelled to it and back to his face, which was indifferent, Severus hoped.</p><p>“For the record, I’m still sorry about Regulus, even if he was one too. I’m sorry about you too, Severus. But well… your choice, I guess.” On the course of two sentences, her expression managed to turn from sad back to reproachful, almost callous, though Lily had never been that. “It’s a little cruel that you live with people whose son you would have murdered because he was like me, don’t you think? I’ll see myself out.”</p><p>He didn’t argue with that. Yet, even if he had intended to, he probably wouldn’t have been able to. Hate, enormous and all-consuming woke up in him, but it wasn’t directed at her, nor at her …boyfriend and Black even. His hate was turned out, all awry, all at himself. Its looming shadow kept him in place while the door closed behind her. His eyes were glued to the snake and the skull, even as he heard her hurried steps running down the stairs, accompanied by something that sounded like sobs, but he didn’t dare imagine they could have been. He wasn’t worth that, was he?</p><p>His mind was bubbling on the edge of boiling over and there was only one person that would have made it better, but he was dead. Dead. Even stupid Black thought so. Stupid Black, whose eyes, a lot more haughty and cruel than his brother’s, with no golden petals swirling in them, were still seeing, while Regulus’ were lifeless somewhere, perhaps with the fear of a curse reflected in them for eternity. Stupid Black, who deserved to be the Black brother that had gone missing. Then there was Lily, who would never forgive him and who he had stopped wanting forgiveness from. Lily, who could now tell her boyfriend Potter both who he was and where he lived. Severus was more than sure those bastards would have used the occasion to attack him in an unfair duel, just like in the olden days. Only now the outcome would be murder and them becoming heroes…</p><p>Why had Lily come here tonight at all? Was it really just to check if she was right? Was it a trap all along, to make him admit it? Was it hope? Did she love him still, as much as he did her? Would she tell Potter and the rest? Would she want him dead for it? Would she come here with them, if she did? Would Black have fought against his brother, had it come to that before Reg died? Did the Dark Lord really kill him? What had Regulus done to deserve that? And why was everything so overwhelming?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. May 1973</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a few hours of being badgered to do so last night, Lucius had agreed to hold a proper last minute study session in the Common Room. In many aspects, it was going to be like the previous ones. Unlike them, however, it wouldn’t involve Firewhiskey or even butterbeer. Although staying up until the morning was still very much an option, drunkenly playing spin the bottle was not. He felt that last loss even more poignantly now. Crockett, the tall, dark chaser who had the confused gaze of a thinker with the looks that could easily put him on Witch Weekly’s most charming smiles list, had just declared he would be joining them.</p><p>With a, “See you in the common!” embellished with that award-worthy smile, Crockett parted ways with them, heading to the courtyard. Lucius didn’t remember if this was the handsome Quidditch player who took Herbology. He sometimes mixed them up – Crockett and Wance. He’d have to ask Sophie later.</p><p>Now that the chaser was gone, Ari returned to talking their ears off about her sister’s wedding celebration. She was extremely brought down by not being able to attend because of the exams and believed “that wench” had done it to her intentionally. It indeed seemed plausible, though, in all honesty Lucius had not caught all of the details of her argumentation. At least he, unlike Cissy, was paying some of his attention to it. She hadn’t so much as raised her gaze from her parchment when Crockett approached them and Aristeia’s prattle was no exception to that either. It was a miracle, greatly facilitated by Lucius guiding her by the arm, that Narcissa hadn’t tripped yet.</p><p>Almost on the doorstep of the Charms classroom, Lucius caught her right before she would have walked into someone. “Sorry,” she said absently. The person she’d bumped into didn’t so much as turn around and that was when Lucius realised it was a gawker. He looked over their shoulder and indeed, something was happening there.</p><p>A student was on the floor, frantically trying to gather what must have been his belongings. To the loud amusement of everyone around, they kept changing into various animals and objects other than school supplies. Ably, the kid transfigured them back, but was only capable of focusing on one at a time, so while the canary turned into a quill, the inkpot had meanwhile transformed into a needle cushion and the pencil into a small version of a muggle moving vehicle.</p><p>Both the Slytherin girls with him had halted when he did, but now Lucius barely even cared for the contents of Narcissa’s mysterious letter, which she had finally unglued herself from. He should have focused on the perpetrators, but his attention transfixed itself on the kid. The hood inverted on their neck was green and the lankiness of the hands grappling with the unruly objects reminded him of someone.</p><p>Assuming it was probably Severus, but that it was best not to acknowledge he knew that, Lucius searched in the crowd for the offenders. He saw little Potter’s brown face, split in a grin, which gave him the confirmation of his guess.</p><p>Less than a second later, he heard a joyful yell. “Well look, that’s a snake too, Snivelly. You should like those!” The voice came from behind an observer’s head and Lucius couldn’t see the shouting student from here. Yet, there was no mistaking that clear, daunting tone. He remembered it very well from the scene its owner had pulled at the recent Lestranges’ wedding.</p><p>“Sirius! Sirius Black!” Lucius called out to the boy.</p><p>He jostled so that the onlooker before him stepped to the side, clearing the path for him to walk into the uneven circle formed around the kid. His wand drawn, Lucius turned to where the voice had come from and counted the little faces. There was Black, some small blond kid, a tad plumpish and now visibly losing his nerve, and the tall one with the ugly scar crossing through his nose. Then there was of course Potter, standing across from them three, closer to the now shyly looking up Severus and brandishing his wand at the approaching seventh year. Brass over smarts, as usual. Precisely the reason Lucius wasn’t the least surprised to see all of them sporting red-and-gold ties.</p><p>Four to one, how brave of the Gryffindors, how gallant.</p><p>Since the show had just changed into a more evened out confrontation, it lost the onlokers’ interest and the crowd began thinning out quickly behind Lucius’ back. The kids involved, however, stood their ground, though the blond and scarred ones exchanged a look that could signify they were capable of thinking.</p><p>Though Potter had yet to cease brandishing his wand at him, which Lucius graciously ignored, Sirius took the talking upon himself. “Uh-huh, look who came to the rescue,” he said, screwing his face mockingly. “What’re you gonna do, Malfoy, tell my mother I’m a disgrace? Because she already knows that, I think.”</p><p>“As she should.” Although Walburga wasn’t his favourite of father’s friends, Lucius could only sympathise with her about the case of her oldest. However, telling Sirius’ mother that he was a bully was the last thing he would do; admittedly – only because that would in no way benefit him. “Nevertheless, I am not planning on that. Nor will I curse your bones to hell and back, though perhaps that would have taught you better… I simply recalled your house is only seven points over ours right now,” he obliged, while casually fixing the mess of transfigured objects on the floor. “I couldn’t be happier you endeavour to change that.” Lucius lifted his gaze from the rabbit now turned schoolbag, which had huddled behind the plump blond kid, and onto the faces of them four. With undisguised relish, he watched the dreadful realisation down on them. He was a prefect, not just an older Slytherin who knew many people. “It’ll be… let’s see… five from each from you, that’d be fair, quite unlike what you were doing, I daresay.”</p><p>Somebody put a hand on his shoulder and by its weight alone, it wasn’t Cissy. Lucius spun around, wand at the ready. “So we’re going get sermons on fairness from your lot now?” asked the Gryffindor beater, who had risen out of the ground behind him, evidently too headed to the N.E.W.T. Charms.</p><p>“Why, do you mind, Quimby?” Lucius wondered, pushing his mitt off himself. “Because I can take more, if you don’t hide your wand.”</p><p>Quimby jutted his chin, stepping towards him again. “Or I can jinx you with it, you pompous prat. Should have just ‘nough time to squeeze that in before Flitwick comes.”</p><p>Lucius didn’t back off, but he did grip his wand tighter.</p><p>“That’d be three prefects’ words against you, Theodore. I wouldn’t weight your odds,” drawled a woman’s voice. Corry? Kori? Either of the two. Hornby, that was certain; she was the girl Cissy dated.</p><p>She pierced Quimby with a dark gaze, hand pointing to her badge until he yielded and lowered his wand. That was exactly when she said, “This will, of course, be three points from Quimby, for causing a disturbance. I hope nobody else has anything to add, but by all means, do so now.” Her eyes swept over the backs of the now retreating little Gryffindors. Apparently, the Ravenclaws were just as eager to jump at an opportunity to reap some points of the other Houses as the Slytherins.</p><p>Left with Aristeia, since the other two girls were already five feet before them, entering the empty classroom, Lucius cast one last glance at the corridor. Severus was just disappearing around the corner, understandably eager to run from the place. He was heading in the opposite direction from the Gryffindors. Lucius had noticed him scrambling to his feet, earlier, but he knew better than to embarrass him further. Especially since, by the slight trembling of his shoulders, he could guess there was a little more to what Sirius had called him than just Black’s creativity.</p><p>Poor kid.</p><p>He caught Severus later in the Study Hall. The boy was sitting at the end of one of the corner tables, poring over a book and a piece of parchment. By coincidence, both of them were currently alone. Lucius was waiting for Nott to come back from practice and the mudblood witch, who Sev kept associating with, was nowhere to be seen.</p><p>Lucius stopped by the side of his bench. It wasn’t until he asked, “What are you working on?” that Severus noticed him.</p><p>Startled, he pulled his books to himself as though they were to guard him from the intrusion. He looked up at Lucius with indifference that bordered on annoyance and didn’t say anything.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Lucius tried again, reaching between his arms and grabbing the parchment that lay there. “Hmm… the Shrinking Solution, I remember that essay,” he lied, betting on Slughorn’s repeatability. He started to read the first, unfinished paragraph and already there was an annotation on how the proportions of the leech juice were ‘discussable’. “Is that your own opinion, since I don’t see a reference?” he asked, pointing to the sentence. Potions were intricate and dreadfully boring, but clearly, the kid thought otherwise if him being the youngest student invited to the last Slug Club’s tea was any evidence.</p><p>Severus shrugged and tried to get the parchment out of his hand. Lucius lifted it out of his reach and raised his brow. “Oh, okay, don’t talk to me, that does not make it into a scene, not in the least bit.”</p><p>They stared at each other for a moment, Lucius with the paper still up in the air. He wasn’t that much taller than Sev, but apparently the boy wasn’t willing to get up and try to snatch it from him. “Fine,” Severus yielded finally, glowering at him as he said it. “But give that back. You’ll smudge it.”</p><p>“There you go.” Lucius handed the parchment back to him. “Now, was that your idea?”</p><p>“Kind of.” Severus seemed to hunch a little more, shying out, so Lucius transformed his grin into a more encouraging one. In this case, it just meant – curious. “…I think Budge overlooked that because it makes the risk of creating a poison higher.”</p><p>Lucius nodded with thoughtfulness. A thirteen year old quarrelling with five hundred years of potioneering traditions… He sure was something, this kid.</p><p>“You needn’t have helped me,” Severus added quickly, almost as if his reproach had to be sneaked in.</p><p>“I’m sorry if it hurt your pride, but I wasn’t going to let them batter you. Besides – you’re my house and, of course, it would have been a waste of points not to intervene.”</p><p>That explanation, as impersonal as Lucius could have made it, assuaged Sev a little. The persistent tenseness of his face faded away. “It was of any use, then. We’re winning now?”</p><p>“Yes. It’s the only appropriate option for my graduation year, don’t you think? Though keep impressing Slughorn like you do and perhaps that’ll repeat itself the next one,” Lucius envisioned with amusement. In the corner of his eye, he saw Nott entering the Study Hall. “Well, I have to go, Sev,” he patted the kid on his back, “good luck on your essay.”</p><p>Severus jumped at the touch and didn’t look happy with the abbreviation either, but his wince disappeared swiftly, making way for a very subdued smile, which dimpled his cheek slightly. When Lucius waved his hand at him while walking out of the hall, he nodded goodbye to him in response.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> I know Severus is originally described as having hollow cheeks as a child, but since this happens after he'd spent a whole year dining on Hogwarts' food, I'd expect they could have filled in. Though... this would suggest he hadn't been eating enough at home. Aargh... this is sad, I hadn't intended it to be sad. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. October 1979</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> The continuation of the 1979 scene is here, now with even more of horribly-pale Severus. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus didn’t appear at the Summoning.</p><p>Nobody ever missed them, unless they were dead or dying, otherwise they risked becoming exactly that. Since this probable explanation horrified him, Lucius arrived on the doorstep of the house Severus lived in, less than an hour after the Mark started burning. The Dark Lord had looked at the empty place reserved for his “young, promising friend” with obvious displeasure. That censorious tautness of his features was fresh in Lucius’ mind, when he apparated onto the mat spread before the doorstep.</p><p>It was dark already, so hopefully no nosy muggle would have the opportunity to notice him, but he suspected it couldn’t harm him even if they did. He still had his mask and Death Eater robes on, with the hood meticulously covering his hair. He hardly cared whether the muggles would be terrified of him. If he was correct in his fear, they could even have had something to do with Severus’ indisposition.</p><p>He had told Severus he would be welcome at the manor, but he refused that invitation. Lucius didn’t try to persuade him to change his mind, having understood it went against his pride. Besides, a muggles’ den was a good place for a Death Eater to hide. No Ministry official would have sent out to investigate such a resident, which gave Severus more peace than some of the other newly sworn ones, like Mulciber, had. Now, however, Lucius regretted not having pushed him to reconsider. The odds that the muggles had figured out Severus served the Dark Lord were slim. The ones they could have hurt him were even slimmer, and yet – that seemed like the only reasonable explanation.</p><p>His fear churned his worry, turning it into fury. Severus was almost family to him. If something had happened to him, especially something Lucius could have prevented from transpiring, he would never be able to forgive himself for it. And Morgana help those who caused it… Although if they were muggles, he sincerely doubted Morgana would have cared.</p><p>With a flick of his wand, he sent the main door crashing into the wall and entered, wand first. Scared by the noise, a woman ran out of the room in which he’d seen a light from outside earlier. She stared at him for a second, her cooking glove clad hand frozen in the air.</p><p>“Evening, muggle,” Lucius spat out, boring into her through the slits of his mask. Depending on what he’d find out on Severus’ fate, he was going to either kill or Obliviate her later. He had neither the time nor the necessity for pleasantries, given the circumstances. “Don’t scream or it’ll be your last, I assure you.”</p><p>When a little spark flew out of his wand, she closed her mouth with a snap. He knew by the paleness of her face that, if dim, she was at least well versed about what his mask meant.</p><p>“Where is Severus Snape?”</p><p>“Are you—“ she stammered, backing away deeper into the lit room again. “Is he in danger—who are you—“</p><p>“Nobody that would hurt <strong>him</strong>, if that somehow concerns you. Where can I find Severus?” Lucius repeated. “Or when did he leave and where to, if you so much as suspect that?” he added, enforcing a calmer tone on his voice.</p><p>“You’re not going to hurt him,” she parroted dumbly, “but then doesn’t it—“</p><p>Lucius’ wand-hand twitched with repressed irritation. “I am not going to hurt him.” It was a whole other matter in her case, if she kept testing his thinly running patience. “But I hardly have the time to wait for you to make reason of it.”</p><p>“He is… he should—be in his room. I don’t—don’t know for sure.”</p><p>“What do you mean – ‘you don’t know for sure’? He lives in your house and you do not know whether he’s in it?” She sounded like a liar. He had means to check whether she was one, and was already starting to say the incantation when she spoke over his muttering.</p><p>“He often asks not to disturb him. I suppose he does magic then. Has to do something to practice, after all—and I know he can teleport out of there, I know our used to… Last I saw him was on Wednesday—“</p><p>“For two bloody days?! You have no idea what he’s been doing for two days? Not even if he is here?”</p><p>The muggle recoiled at his yell. “He—his room’s there.” She gestured with a trembling hand. Needlessly, since Lucius knew which one it was. He only hadn’t apparated right into because he needed to collect himself and find out as much as possible before facing whatever awaited him there. Looking at the muggle bint, who was still terrified with her face bleak and eyes wide, had an oddly calming effect on him. He now almost wished she would be to blame.</p><p>Having been further spurred by her to do so, he practically leaped to the top of the stairs, heeled boots clanking against the wooden steps. With a mad flourish of his wand, he sent yet another door crashing into a wall. It made him feel better to hear that noise reverberate through the house.</p><p>The ball of fire he’d sent up to light his way slipped inside before him, illuminating the small room overhead. Lucius was far too dignified to scream, when the bluish gleam revealed to him a blood-stained floor. The mudblood’s dam had no such concerns and, noticing the redness from below, she let out a loud cry.</p><p>Lucius wheeled round, deciding he’d had enough of her. Quickly, he stunned, then – obliviated her, leaving her on the carpet below after she’d unconsciously fallen to her knees. Now he could focus on what, or rather – who, was important.</p><p>His hand clutched painfully tightly on his wand, as if the sensation of its handle digging into his hand could ground him, Lucius entered the room.</p><p>The blood crept out from everywhere. Not only had it spread through the floorboards, bright grey, now stained like a tablecloth with spilled wine, but also trailed up to the bed and onto it. As Lucius passed the desk, bright droplets that were adorning the pages of an open book caught his eyes.</p><p>Severus was lying on his back on the bed, looking as pale and calm as though already in his coffin. The patchy rug serving for the padding underneath him was bloodied up thoroughly and only Severus’ clothes weren’t showing the crimson they had soaked. The back of his left arm was where the trail of blood ended. Yet it was not only his hand – it also seemed to run lower. Indeed, as his gaze followed it, Lucius saw a rip running through the trousers of Severus’ leg.</p><p>He leaned down to the bed, not expecting to hear breath, but hoping, so badly hoping, he would. While doing that, he noticed something was stuck between Severus’ fingers, frozen pale and resting on his chest, right above his heart. Lucius decided to take it. Severus’ grip yielded easily, too easily, and Lucius pried the curled up piece of paper out of his hand. When it caught his eye, he couldn’t stop himself from focusing on it and spread it out, wishing it held a clue about who to seek vengeance on.</p><p>It was a photograph, muggle and unmoving. It depicted a meadow of some sort, with lush grass and flowers. He recognised both the children in it, though only one he could pin a first name to – Sev. The other was a girl, the redness of her hair as vivid as the one of the blood all around him now.</p><p>“The mudblood whore,” Lucius gauged, muttering under his breath.</p><p>Instantly, he was sure it had been her. Who else could have attacked him? Or, although this possibility Lucius would rather refuse to consider, have reduced him to a state that would make him do this to himself? Severus’ wounds were almost too meticulous, too planned out, to have come from a duel. His wand was close to his hand, resting just beside it. The positioning of him was so as if he had chosen to lie down, as if it had been intentional. Yet, Lucius couldn’t believe the part of himself that presented him with such a conclusion. He didn’t want to believe it. However, even if Severus had died by his own hand, Lucius still had the irrecusable, deep-rooted conviction, the mudblood had been involved in it. Just as he swore to himself to remember her that, he felt the slightest ghost of a breath on his cheek. </p><p>Oh, sweet Circe – he was alive! Severus was still alive!</p><p>Chiding himself on having wasted valuable time, Lucius set the photograph on fire, then immediately began casting healing spells. He was doing so in such a frantic state of mind that it took him a few tries until he’d realised the wounds wouldn’t fully close with anything he knew. Finally, he gave up on it and instead fed Severus a Blood Refilling potion. It was partly Severus’ own credit that he had one on him; he had been the one to suggest Lucius always kept medicine with him on raids and summonings.</p><p>His lips, drained of any colour, parted easily under Lucius’ touch when he tilted his head back to pour the potion into his mouth. A moment later, blood began gushing through the half-healed cuts in Severus’ skin with new power. Although the potion had refilled him with colour at least a tad, his breath had not become any less ragged and he wasn’t waking up either. It seemed all Lucius’ efforts were in vain.</p><p>With growing desperation, Lucius lifted him off the bed with a spell and into his arms to apparate. If Severus was going to die, then at least not in this muggle-infested hole of a place.</p><p>It certainly wasn’t a tear, but a droplet of lava, that rolled down Lucius’ cheek, as he pulled Severus’ limp body close to himself and felt just how cold he had turned.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. January 1973</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> Nothing better for bonding than a little shared awkwardness, right?<br/>
<b> Disclaimer: </b>  I know as much French as a few levels on Duolingo taught me, so I’m relying on translations. If anyone reading this speaks it and would be kind enough to tell me if the phrases Lucius throws in are used correctly, I’ll be forever grateful.<br/>
Also, from now on the updates will slow down for a while, probably to like once a week.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The minutes dragged by while he waited for Lily to finish her class. He was hanging around here this time, so that she wouldn’t disappear on him with her Gryffindor friends as soon as they finished the lesson. Sunlight sat over the wrinkled blankets of snow on the rooftop of the greenhouse three. Severus looked up at the sculpted dragon, stretching in the gleam, and stuck his hands deeper into the pockets of his robe.</p><p>Suddenly, he heard a din in the tool-shed across the path. It was loud enough to resonate up to where he stood and then repeated itself shortly, while he walked towards the shed. When he stopped by its door to investigate the noise, however, it had already quietened. It was most likely the catchers professor Kettleburn let loose last week, still rummaging around. Although, they had been quite loud for coco catchers.</p><p>Suspicious, Severus tugged at the door handle. He wanted to peek in to check whether he was right in his guess. If so, then maybe he could catch Professor Sprout when she finished her lesson and tell her about it. A few extra points for the House never hurt, not even when accompanied with an entirely too sweet a ‘thank you’. The door, not too surprisingly, did not budge. Coco catchers were small enough to get through the cracks, he was sure. This also excluded the possibility anything bigger had run away from Kettleburn’s cages. Still, Severus held his wand stretched before him as the door opened to his Alohomora.</p><p>Perhaps stupidly, he had stood directly in the centre of it. At worst, he expected to be swarmed by the little pixie-like creatures, which he would have cast the body freezing spell on. There was no catchers or pixies, or anything of the sort inside. Instead of them, Severus was who froze.</p><p>The creaking of the door had yet to cease and maybe that was better, because he very much didn’t want to hear anything. He didn’t want to see it either, but his gaze stuck to the heap of colours, in which he could distinguish human silhouettes. He saw someone’s face, just a glimpse of it behind the other person’s back. It was a boy’s face and that boy was completely naked, skin peeking from beneath the other’s robes. That other person had long, silvery hair waving over their robe like a waterfall. Severus knew one person with such hair.</p><p>But that would make them both boys and that couldn’t be.</p><p>That would have been very wrong. Perverted. Severus rubbed his thigh where a belt had landed on him some time ago, when he “’d been lil’ too interested in neighbours’ son, di’n’ya? No me son’s gon’be a queer.” To this day Severus had no idea what father meant. He liked Eddie the same way he had liked Lily at first – from afar. That was the sole reason he watched him climb the trees in the park. Eddie had since moved, which was probably for the better, because father had some sort of a paranoia about him. Apart from that …incident, he’d heard a bit on the “queers” or “nancies”. Mainly that they were odd, rotten people. Even mother seemed to agree with that, as she rarely did with father’s inebriated blabber. Certainly, those people couldn’t be respectable at all. Thus, Severus doubted queerness could even extend to wizards, though most of them dressed in what his father would have indubitably called “poncey clothing”.</p><p>All this just refused to add up in his head now. Perhaps this wasn’t the Slytherin Prefect, but a girl who had hair like his. Or maybe father wasn’t right about this. Wasn’t it Lucius who’d told him parents sometimes spoke and did complete nonsense? “And you have to work your way around that, Sev-erus. Sometimes, just sometimes, and do not quote me on this, they truly don’t know better than you.”</p><p>For far too long a minute, Severus stayed motionless, enfolded by the warm air pouring out of the shed in a rapid current and wishing only for the earth to open underneath him.</p><p>The people inside moved in a mass of limbs, whispering to each other and fumbling for something. A pillow fell from the chair, drawing Severus’ eyes. It now lay green on the wooden planks. Next to it, pieces of clay were scattered from what must have been a huge flowerpot, or a few of those. This had made the noise, he conjectured now, willing himself not to look up from it.</p><p>“Fucking hell—“ issued finally from the general turmoil and a spell followed.</p><p>Instinctively, Severus jumped out of its strike. Instantly, he had shaken off his stupor. The spell, however, was a harmless one. The door flew shut, inches from his nose. Aware he had coloured to the very tip of it and not because of the cold, Severus turned back where he came from. No sooner had he taken a step away, than the door opened again, screeching deliriously.</p><p>“It was a student!” a familiar voice exclaimed behind him, with odd notes of triumph. Although muffled a little bit, it was clear enough for Severus to recognise.</p><p>So it really had been Lucius.</p><p>“Hey, you,” the prefect said after him, resoundingly but without shouting, “stop there.” It took Severus a shamefully protracted moment to realise Lucius was addressing him. He halted in his tracks, but desperately didn’t want to have to face him. “Or better yet, come back. I don’t quite feel like walking out into the cold and, unfortunately, we now have to talk.”</p><p>He heard the scrunching of snow and then that ghastly door again. Hoping Lucius had retreated back inside and that he could simply flee, Severus turned around. His tentativeness in that was for nothing. As soon as he’d shifted, he caught Lucius’ silhouette in the closed doorway.</p><p>Lucius saw him too. “Severus?” His voice rose this time and the disbelief in it erupted into laughter. That sound was what pushed Severus to walk up to him, even though he really wanted to scream from the awkwardness. “Of all people, you?” Lucius ran his hand through his hair, thrown back in disarray. It looked off. Everything about him looked off. He was fully dressed; had been all along as far as Severus realised, though the outer skirts of his school uniform were buttoned crookedly. Severus had never seen him reddened, but he was now. He sounded a little off as well, now that Severus had heard more than a sentence from him. Still, his tone was composed and almost calming when he said, “Merlin, you’re a snoopy kid. Well, better you than anyone I don’t know, I suppose.”</p><p>Prompted by Lucius’ gesture, Severus went into the shed. The door closed behind the two of them, cutting off the incoming cold. He looked around, but the other boy was nowhere to be seen. He heard shuffling coming from beyond one of the racks, so that must have been where he had hidden. Lucius levitated the fallen pillow back into its place and mended the flowerpot.</p><p>He was shaking his head with displeasure and talking all the while, which didn’t let Severus interrupt with the question what he needed to talk to him for. “You stood there long enough to make us think you were a teacher – or someone from our year, at least. Merlin, you’re tall. Either way, it could have been Pomona or worse – the squib…” Lucius looked straight at him, twiddling his wand in his hand. Bashfulness burning in his cheeks, Severus averted his gaze. “Hmm… I’m not going to obliviate you, then…”</p><p>Only now did it get to Severus that he had walked right into a trap. His heart lurched a little. “You wanted to—“</p><p>“Yes, yes, well that doesn’t seem necessary anymore,” Lucius dismissed, waving his hand as he sat down in the armchair. His wand was still in his hand. “Tell me, how good are you at keeping secrets, huh?”</p><p>Severus knew his answer wouldn’t change the Malfoy’s decision, whatever it was. He forced himself to stare at Lucius’ commanding expression, but couldn’t read the verdict from it for the death of him. If the prefect was planning to cast anything on him, he’d surely lie first, as an element of surprise.</p><p>“Decent, I think,” Severus admitted. He gave a shrug, inwardly trying to work out his chances of countering a spell of a 7<sup>th</sup> year. They seemed worryingly low.</p><p>“Yes… I thought so too. I don’t know what you’ve seen – and I do not want to know, for that matter, since I have no intention of having ‘the talk’ with you.” Lucius laughed a little at his own words and again, it did not sound forced.</p><p>Somehow, Severus was the one completely ashamed of himself here. The heat in his cheeks refused to subside and he envied Lucius that imperious calm. Had he felt any more brazen, he would have asked him whether he had ever felt humiliated in his life, considering neither this nor the whole bruises thing made him seem so.</p><p>“—but probably enough to get me in trouble with father, if, say, good old, personally-I-have-nothing-against-them Horace were to overhear something... For the sake of a friendship...” The word sounded unconvincing coming from someone who was holding him at wandpoint, but Severus didn’t dare argue with it. “—tell nobody of this. Ever, though with special emphasis on – until I leave Hogwarts. And I do mean it. Alright?”</p><p>“Sure,” Severus nodded with effort. Was Lucius going to let him leave now or was this only a way to trick him into trusting him?</p><p>Lucius got up again and Severus instinctively backed away, raising his wand. The prefect grinned and finally lowered his, to then push it into the pocket of his overrobe as he walked up to him. “I simply wanted to shake your hand on that, Sev, don’t curse me for it.”</p><p>Embarrassed once more, Severus looked to the side of Lucius’ face rather than at him. Something vividly yellow flashed between the shelves of the rack behind Lucius, while he extended his hand to him.</p><p>Lucius’ fingers were cold, but with the oddly sleek feel of a disinfecting spell rather than just the wintery air from before. “Et en plus, closed doors are usually so for a reason,” he said, with a slight wink of his eye, when he let go of his hand. “Hope you’ve learnt as much.”</p><p>“—Now run along,” he added, opening the door. His hand on Severus’ shoulder pushed him gently back into the cold.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. July 1976</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> Just to clarify - the Dark Lord they're speaking of is Voldemort in his pre-reptilian phase, so basically Tom Riddle with increasingly 'ghostly' features caused by the partitioning of his soul. It's kind of important not to imagine him noseless here. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He never fully understood why Lucius would want his company. Usually, he tried not to question it at all. He answered his owls the same way Avery did Rosier’s – because he was slowly realising what they meant. Unlike Evan to Avery, however, Lucius had always gone out of his way to be nice towards him. It was suspicious of him, but not enough to reject it. Lucius was everything he could never be, had a few prospects for raising into power and kept calling him his friend, for whatever reason. Severus would have to be stupid to throw his favour away.</p><p>Considering what happened after the O.W.L. exams and which Lucius, knowing him, had already heard about, this invitation was a gesture of pity. For the first time ever, Severus wanted to ignore his letter. Then, he ran into Lily on his way out of the owlery. The way she looked at him made him turn on his heel and answer Lucius instantly. Anything would be better than being stuck at home, with its explosive atmosphere and the painful lack of Lily by his side.</p><p>Therefore, now he was staying at a Malfoys’ summer residence. It was empty but for them two and Lucius’ occasionally visiting mother. Severus was here in the capacity of “Master’s kind-of younger brother” as he’d heard a house elf call him. In the lack of mentions of his year at Hogwarts and the relative peace around, he was actually enjoying himself.</p><p>Perhaps the answer to his “Why?” was how everything was better than loneliness. Lucius was typically a lot better at fighting it than Severus was, but here he was almost locked outside of the magical community. Hence why that troubling sensation could creep up even to him. Severus supposed it was enhanced by the spaciousness of the house and the imposing stone cliff mounting over where they were spending most of their time.</p><p>Currently they were sitting there, in the bay, watching the waves crash in sprinkles. Severus was fine just reading, but every now and then Lucius would pleasantly throw him off his focus by saying something. About half an hour ago that something was, “Let’s go for a swim.”</p><p>The water had been as cool as it was green, glimmering in vivid turquoise. Once they had scrambled back onto the gravel, the sun had started warming them up, but Severus’ skin was still covered in gooseflesh.</p><p>“Do you think Slughorn would let you skip a day or two, late in January?” Lucius wondered, lounging on his blanket. Even with so much of his skin bare and hair soaking wet, he was somehow managing to seem dignified.</p><p>Severus looked at him warily. “I suppose he would, yes. Why?”</p><p>“Because there’ll be a wedding to attend.”</p><p>“Whose?” Surely, Lucius hadn’t overnight become any less interested in random muggle Frenchmen strolling through the neighbouring beach.</p><p>“Mine, of course. I got engaged about a month ago.”</p><p>Severus’ attempt at not seeming shocked failed miserably. He barely curbed a gasp.</p><p>His cool tone unimpaired by the reaction, Lucius explained, “Yes, nothing has changed. I continue to dally with that – Florin, his name was, I think. Anyway – that friend of Rosier’s, Dawlish. However… my family is pressing me to marry.” He leaned back on his elbows. “Fortunately, it just so happened a friend of mine was in a similar situation. Cissy – Narcissa Black, that is, I’m sure you remember her. She thought she might pop in here if we don’t mind, but my mother does mind. Well, poor, naive mother… Dawlish will—in two weeks, when my father’s safely on another continent.” Lucius glanced at him as if expecting him to agree or disagree with his decisions.</p><p>Severus shrugged. It was none of his business who was staying here – Lucius was the host. As long as he had the library all to himself, it was all the same to him. The Malfoy made him uncomfortable at times with how fine he was with his queerness, but Severus had had the chance to get used to it. And, as far as appearances came, Florin sounded like a girl’s name.</p><p>“Anyway, you should be issued a formal invitation soon, though I wanted to tell you in person as well. It’ll take place late in January, since Cissy needs some time to prepare. This makes you able to attend as a grown-up already – no asking your parents for permission, only the Head of House. And Horace loves you still, from what I hear, so I assumed that would be the smallest of problems.”</p><p>“Well, sure. And I suppose I will be there, then,” Severus said, already questioning what in hell he would be doing on a wedding of that size and glory.</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>“Just… Why?” Severus asked and instantly regretted it. He wasn’t even sure what he thought about all this and now he was going to have to disclose it to Lucius. “…I mean, why would you, if you are positive you won’t love her—“ He handled it just as terribly as he’d feared.</p><p>Luckily, Lucius interrupted him. “More than positive – I am completely certain. Good thing she will never love me either; not in the romantic way, at least.” He smiled his pearly grin and flipped a strand of soppy hair onto his back. “What? Don’t look so shocked – we two basically ‘shared’ prefects back at school. I got the Hufflepuff boy, whom I think you had the pleasure of meeting – and she had the Ravenclaw girl. That’s quite the story in fact – how are you at keeping relationship secrets? Think I can trust you, Severus?” He winked at him before laying on his towel fully again.</p><p>Since he could no longer see his face, Severus too lied down and closed his eyes against the sun. There was not a moment in time, in which Lucius Malfoy did not sound pretentious – even his warmest laugh was haughty. Now, his plummy voice filled the air over the yells of seagulls and Severus listened.</p><p>“So, as I was saying... She dallied with the Ravenclaw girl, I don’t quite remember her name. Surname was Hornby and I know Moaning Myrtle hated her guts because of that. Either way, Cissy was with her for two years or so. Longer than my thing with Neil, which simultaneously makes it longer than any relationship of mine, but let’s ignore that.” Lucius leaned up to put his hands under his head. “Her mother knew about the Hornby girl. She’s convinced it was a phase and, for a long time, so was Cissy herself. She says she realised it wasn’t, when Bella asked her about the Dark Lord’s best quality once, when they were drunk on elven wine – and she replied ‘He’s powerful’, tout de suite.”</p><p>“I don’t get it,” Severus said, afraid he did get it. The Dark Lord’s best quality was perhaps his magic itself, but the wizard’s who was him…</p><p>Terrifyingly, Lucius seemed to have read his mind. “Oh come on – you do find him attractive. Eerie, yes, but in the mysterious and alluring way. Everybody does—“</p><p>“Anyway, after her there was another girl, some in-law of hers met at Bella’s wedding.” Lucius went on, relentless, before Severus could have argued. “That still lasts, from what I gather, and they’re hiding it from the family. Again, Bella knows, but I doubt she would tell, not willingly, at least.” He sounded appreciative of Narcissa’s sister. “However, Cissy worries if she waits any longer, she’ll be forced to marry, exactly like Bellatrix had been. The only way the one who doesn’t exist – also known as Andromeda, whatever surname she had demeaned herself with – avoided that, was through running away. So well…” For a second he craned his neck to Severus, his face serious and presumptuous. Lordly. “My family wants an heir, but they can wait if they get a celebration now – and hers wants a wedding. This way we both avoid the fuss and neither of us gets more or less literally hurt. It’s the perfect plan.”</p><p>“Sure,” Severus mumbled for the lack of a better thing to say. “But I simply don’t understand—“</p><p>“Why would not marrying a woman be perceived as so wrong?” Lucius guessed. Although Severus understood that better than he’d like to, he didn’t stop him. “Well, for starters, it doesn’t produce any heirs. It also ‘stains’ the bloodline, according to my father. Not that I recall much from the sermon he gave me on that when he caught me that one time.” Lucius propped himself up again and turned to the side. The muscles of his stomach were decorated with water droplets, still falling from his hair. “This little thing is from then,” he informed, pointing to the mulberry blemish low on his ribcage.</p><p>Severus did his best not to wince at the sight, not wanting to offend him with that. It felt sacrilegious to him that Lucius’ skin wasn’t as annoyingly perfect as the rest of him was.</p><p>“I make a habit of never letting him check if it’s still there, of course. And, while I doubt he actually believes I’ve changed my ways, he’ll leave me be the moment I have a wife. Or at least I sincerely hope so.” Once he made sure Severus had seen what he was talking about, Lucius lied down again. “Either way, as I was saying… There’s that conviction, a rather ancient one, that muggles brought that to our society, back in Greece. However, historians disagree on the issue. Some say it was fairly common as early as amongst the Sumerian sages. And those, that much is undisputed, did not cross-breed with muggles—“</p><p>Wasn’t he finding out new things from this lecture? Like about the Sumerians. Or that the Frenchman Lucius presumably snogged yesterday evening, hadn’t affected the disgust in his tone when he said the word ‘muggle’.</p><p>“Furthermore,” Lucius went on, after his grunt of acknowledgement, “it’s considered unnatural, as the magical bond between people of the same gender has a different character than ones between opposing genders. Allegedly, that creates an unwelcome, damaging similarity—”</p><p>Severus furrowed his brows at the logical fallacy of that. “In terms of magical similarity – how is it worse than marrying your cousin?”</p><p>“Well, think about that for a moment…” Lucius, who lifted himself from the towel again, seemingly unable to stay still for a longer while, sent him a patronising smile. “How many purebloods do you know who perceive that as wrong?”</p><p>“Well, you—“</p><p>“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Water trickled down Lucius’ shoulder as he positioned himself on his side. Above the waist, he was supporting himself solely on his elbow and that turned his muscles tense. Severus’ disobedient eyes darted to his bruise and then sideways, to the sculpted lines of his stomach. “It’s the gender of the cousin I have a problem with. If I could marry, say, cousin Vespasian – the black-haired one from America I’ve told you about – then I wouldn’t moan too much. Or maybe I would, actually—“</p><p>“You’re disgusting.”</p><p>“In which part?” Lucius winked at him again, smiling innocently. “He’s second and once removed. Barely counts as a cousin, Narcissa’s mother would tell you. And I hear the other Blacks are even worse in that area as a whole.”</p><p>Struggling with the intrusive vision of Lucius kissing the cousin he’d mentioned, Severus welcomed the change of topic. “Yes, Regulus was whining they pester him whether he has anyone in mind yet…”</p><p>Unfortunately, thinking about Reg didn’t make him feel much less unsettled.</p><p>He remembered hugging him that evening. Normally, he hated such a thing, but not in his case. It wasn’t very reasonable, but Regulus felt safe to him. His arms wrapped him back, strong around Severus’ middle. A year as a seeker on the Slytherin team was apparently enough to make one athletic. Reg was shorter than he was and his soft black hair got in Severus’ face. If he wasn’t so preoccupied with how it smelled like jasmine, he would have been jealous of how nice it looked compared to his own.</p><p>Later in that school year, Regulus was the only of his housemates who didn’t find his humiliation positively hilarious. He even apologised for his brother, as if that had anything to do with him. Severus was grateful for having him, back then. He was sure he would have done something stupid, like try out the spell that had come to him for possible vengeance. On that occasion, it was Reg who hugged him. However, Severus’ hug was first. It had surprised Severus himself too. However, back then in April, Regulus seemed like he needed that. His ‘whining’ was a lot more emotional than Severus felt comfortable admitting to Lucius. He would rather keep it a secret that Reg’s draught-coloured eyes were glassy when he talked about his home. Sadness had glimmered in them in bright specks, like golden flakes thrown into Angel’s Trumpet potion.</p><p>Lucius was saying something, but Severus hadn’t registered it at all. He only caught his last words, “—my reason. Who knows?” Lucius finished, giving a twitch of a one-armed shrug, since he was resting on his other one.</p><p>“Well, about what I wanted to say before,” Severus began hastily. He had to fit into the gap of Lucius’ breaths and outrun his own thoughts, which were pushing his gaze down from the Malfoy’s face again. “It was – why would your father push you into marriage at all, if he married so late?” That was something safe to think about. He didn’t question himself when he imagined Abraxas, an older version of the boy he’d seen on one of Slughorn’s photographs. Maybe it was so because that Malfoy wasn’t currently half-naked before him, running his fingers through the platinum hair to help it dry.</p><p>“Oh…” Lucius drawled, the corner of his mouth rising in a wry smile. “I’ve never told you that wasn’t his first marriage, have I?”</p><p>Severus shook his head and stared at him curiously. This time, he succeeded at limiting himself to above his chest in that.</p><p>“Well, it’s a worthy story.” Lucius titled his head. “Before my mother, there was another woman, a half-blood and not from Britain, if I recall correctly. I don’t even know her name, because she’s not to be spoken about at home. She turned out infertile. This and her ‘poor magical skills’ my grandmother blames of the heritage.” Perhaps he caught himself on who he was talking to, because he added, almost apologetically, “Never mind she’s not entirely a pureblood either. Au fait, this is why I will make father extremely happy by marrying a Black. And as for the wife…” Lucius closed his eyes, perhaps trying to focus. “Grandmother said she died less than a year before he married my mother, so a year—no, two, I think, years before I was born. He claims to have been married by my age, so you can figure out the numbers.”</p><p>“How did she die?” Severus asked before he could bite his tongue.</p><p> “Found it suspicious, did you? Honestly, so would I.” Lucius’ grin widened, so the question hadn’t insulted him. “Officially – it was Dragon Pox, an unusually vicious case. She did have marks from it, I don’t doubt. My father is a very talented and patient man, who knew where to get his potions, or at least that is my view of it. Although if anyone asks, I’ve never said such a thing—“</p><p>Lucius might have had more to add about his father’s skilfulness in feigning innocence, but then a house elf appeared before them. It announced Mrs. Malfoy had arrived and wanted to see her son. “Speak of the devil, there comes his wife,” Lucius commented, getting up from the towel.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. January 1977</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> With a tiny delay to my usual time (university stuff is crushing me), but here it is, the wedding, everybody:</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cissy on his arm, he was chatting up Evermonde, the head of the Improper Use of Magic Office. The man’s wife had held on to her mask of polite interest for a good little while, but it slipped when the conversation steered inevitably into the waters of Quidditch. There, unlike Cissy, she could not keep up. Lucius took pleasure in watching her down two subsequent Champaign glasses; the realisation her husband had not looked at her once in twenty minutes must have reached her. Although, honestly, who could blame him? Even Cissy’s gaze was stuck not in the woman, but somewhere to her left. Lucius supposed his newlywed wife was either looking for a particular someone or just simply above appreciating that woman’s mediocre cut face. If Madeleine weren’t what she was, he would have almost pitied her.</p><p>Fortunately for her, he was slowly getting bored. The way Ormond scratched his beard whenever he forgot a score was endearing, but one could only bear so much news about the Harpies and the Catapults. The circumstances were unwelcoming for sharing anything that would truly pique Lucius’ interest, whatever flavour of interest that would be. He could think up a few scenarios for that, but none were attainable with the wife around. Now another thin glass between her navy claws, she kept watching him like a harpy herself. For what it was worth, the frown fit her features.</p><p>His eyes had been darting over Ormond’s shoulder and it didn’t take long until he spotted someone else he’d want to talk to. Reacting to his gaze, the black-haired boy – or well, man, technically speaking – turned around before Lucius could even call out to him. With a few swerves through the crowd, Severus was standing right by them. He kept out of their group, somehow unnoticed by anyone but Lucius. It was a well-developed skill of his – remaining out of sight while in plain sight. Discretely, Lucius met his eyes through the curtain of hair and only politeness let him refrain from sighing at Severus’ helpless shrug. In this case, Evermonde’s never-ending gab was stopping him from introducing himself.</p><p>Lucius let the official finish his sentence, then acknowledged Severus’ presence. “Excuse me, Ormond,” he said, placing a hand on the man’s arm. The needles of Madeleine’s stare washed off him as if he was guarded by Protego. “But it appears my friend over here—“ Now they finally realised he was there and all three heads turned to him. With a slight hesitation, Severus stepped forward into their circle, in between him and Ormond, causing Lucius to lift his hand. “—had wanted to have a word with myself and Cissy.” If Lucius playing his advocate puzzled him, Severus didn’t show it. “This is Severus Snape, au fait a talented housemate of mine, nearly on the verge of graduation – in case you’d ever think of hiring an assistant,” Lucius introduced, smiling at Evermonde. Both Cissy and Severus sent him discreet, sharp looks, but he went on, undaunted, “And here are Ormond Evermonde, Head of the Improper Use of Magic Office and his wife, Madeleine.” His gesture centred on Ormond, since he figured the woman barely counted anyway.</p><p>Evermonde extended his hand towards Severus in a greeting, after him – the wife did the same. When those pleasantries were over, Lucius cut in. “Well then… I hope we should talk again in a while, though supposing you’d be leaving soon, as you have said – goodbye. Once more, I am very glad you found the time,” with those words, he shook Ormond’s hand. As earlier, while Evermonde was voicing his congratulations for the newlyweds, his finger tickled the centre of Lucius’ palm during the handshake. Lucius did not mind in the slightest. Madelaine’s hand, however, he shook as briefly as he could, all the while regretting not wearing a glove, considering her skin was sticky with spilled wine.</p><p>“So, was I right and you have something to discuss with me, or are you just finding ways to keep out of Walburga’s terrifying range of sight?” Lucius asked, putting his arm over Severus’ shoulder and gathering both him and Narcissa further away from the leaving couple.</p><p>Severus scowled at him. “I am not afraid of Mrs. Black—“</p><p>“Of course you aren’t. Though then why have I not seen you around their table once, despite your friend—“</p><p>“Housemate,” Severus corrected, in a harsh, insistent tone.</p><p>“—housemate, sitting there so evidently bored, Evan’s uncle, the young one—“ he specified for Cissy, “took pity and tried to engage him for a bit? I thought you two got on well enough to talk…”</p><p>“We do.” Getting out from beneath his arm, Severus shrugged dismissively.</p><p>“But you won’t approach him – because?” Lucius wondered, reaching towards the floating tray for a Champaign glass. With a raise of his brow, he asked the other two whether they’d like to drink as well. Cissy gave a small nod and thus he handed her his glass before grabbing another. Severus stayed silent, ignoring the offer and piercing him with a gaze that had started to resemble a glare. Countered with it, Lucius went for an explanation, “Surely, you do realise how hard he’d have it to wriggle out of his family’s company... Albeit, of course I could—“</p><p>Cissy placed her free hand on his arm, rucking the fabric of his dress robe. “Darling, I don’t think Severus needs a warden—“</p><p>Now Severus’ gaze certainly did harden, as did his voice. “Neither of you has to babysit me. Honestly. I’m doing fine. Shouldn’t have interrupted you,” he appended, speaking in Narcissa’s direction rather than Lucius’.</p><p>Instantly, Lucius realised he had been inconsiderate in his concern. He felt responsible for Severus’ enjoyment here, or lack of thereof. It troubled him the young Slytherin didn’t seem to be enjoying himself and how alone he could get in a room packed with people. Although the loneliness shouldn’t have come as a surprise, when the closest of Severus’ kin present on the wedding was Silvius’ mother, neé Prince. Still, it wasn’t wise to be overbearing to anyone his age, but to Severus in particular. “That wasn’t an interruption. Quite the opposite,” Lucius now ensured him, in an attempt to rectify his mistake, “you saved us having to retreat out of what was becoming increasingly—“</p><p>“Exhausting,” Cissy completed with an adequate pout on her face.</p><p>“Yes, thank you, my love, exactly that.” Lucius clicked his glass with her raised one in a wordless toast.</p><p>“You needn’t have ‘recommended me’ to that… Evermonde man, Lucius,” Severus said, implacably annoyed, though his tone had lost some of its mellow fierceness.</p><p>“Oh excuse me; I simply assumed it wouldn’t hurt to plant the idea in his head.” Lucius sipped his drink. “He respects my opinions very much. And I believe you could use something challenging once you’re out of school – oh come along, don’t roll your eyes at me, the both of you.”</p><p>“Respects your opinions,” Cissy repeated, as a sly smile crept onto her red lips. She shot a swift, assessing look around them before resuming. “He’s one of our most boring guests, but yes, I can’t disagree he,” she made a significant pause and Lucius smiled at it, “…respects you.”</p><p>“I suppose he can be a tad one track-minded,” Lucius conceded. His gaze was then drawn to another of the floating trays passing them by. “Have you tried those, yet?” He asked Severus. He shook his head, so Lucius picked up one of the tartelettes adorned with moving snakes and put it into his hand. “Custom made by Flume himself.” Severus rolled his eyes again, but bit into the pastry nevertheless. “Where were I?” Lucius then wondered, looking for a hint in Narcissa. The weary pout appeared on her face briefly again. “…Right, the boring aspects of Ormond’s presence. I don’t fully agree, though there might be a grain of truth in your assessment. Either way, he’s bound to be the Head of the Department once Crouch becomes Minister. And I only do what ought to be done to maintain an image.” It was true – a friendship with a Ministry official was always beneficial, especially when that person was moving up in the ranks.</p><p>Cissy, however, saw through his other reasons with ease that had started to terrify him well back into the start of their engagement. “The only image you were maintaining there, dear, was the one of yourself reflected in his old-man’s glasses.”</p><p>Seemingly no longer angry with either of them, Severus sent Cissy a quizzing look. “Hmm?” he mumbled, stuffing his mouth with the rest of the pastry.</p><p>Lucius hastened to answer before Cissy could have. “Oh, she means to say the man’s infatuated with me. It’s apparent, if I may say so myself.”</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Severus acknowledged flatly, still incapable of speaking. Lucius waited for him to swallow the last bite of the tartelette and then utter, “The future Head of Law Enforcement?”</p><p>“What can I say – the people I fall in with tend to be high-ranking,” Lucius replied, unable to keep his complacency from showing.</p><p>“Yes… high… Soon you’ll go into triple digits.”</p><p>Narcissa’s laugh filled the space around them, light yet loud enough to turn a head or two in the crowd. Severus had covered up his mouth with his hand, to wipe away the crumbs stuck to his lips and probably conceal the smirk at his own thrust. Admittedly, it was a shrewd one. </p><p>“He is not <em>that old</em>,” Lucius refuted with a snort of laughter of his own. “And I am not quite sure I will ‘go into’ anything, him concerned. You asked for me to say this, so you’ve lost the privilege to wince now, Severus.” Just to ensure, he cast around for whether the two – Madeleine, specifically, hadn’t travelled to their part of the ballroom with the tides of moving guests. Despite there being no sign of her or others who could take offence in his words, he limited himself to a whisper, “Besides, his mudblood wife hates me.”</p><p>“Wonder how could that be, if you call her that.” Severus did that odd thing with his brows that signified he considered the matter so ridiculous it wasn’t even worth rolling his eyes for.</p><p>“Careful, Severus, or it’ll stick that way,” Lucius admonished with feigned chide. “And touché, but it’s none of my fault he had made such a poor choice. Hadn’t known me, back then, which could have played a role… However, I wouldn’t say I’m surprised, either.”</p><p>“You aren’t half as impressed by him as he is by you, are you?” Severus glanced at Narcissa as if to ask whether he was correct in his conjecture, though the question itself was daringly aimed at Lucius. Clearly, those two got on wonderfully already. Lucius had a hunch their siding together against him would only get worse with time. He had so far been condescending of all the comments comparing marriage to a sentence, yet the more he looked at Narcissa’s taunting expression, the more they felt truthful to him. At least he genuinely liked her company, even if she could at times be as spiteful as a selkie; the same went for Severus.</p><p>In that exact moment, Lucius caught the sight of a familiar gold-incrusted robe over Cissy’s back. His eyes clung to its wearer, whose profile he recognised from a few hours ago. If he wasn’t confusing him with someone, Cissy’s mother had introduced them to each other. His name, however, he wouldn’t be able to recall in a centaur’s lifetime. “You’re correct. I am not very impressed, actually,” he said, turning back to Severus. “I’ll tell you who impresses me – see, there, amongst the Selwyns?” He gestured gently towards the man clad in blue-and-gold with his chin. “That seems more the type.”</p><p>Severus pointedly turned to the opposite side of the room. Narcissa, on the other hand, peered keenly in the direction he had indicated. To give herself a reason for staring, she emptied her glass. “Which one?”</p><p>“Dark hair, blue robe with golden ornaments—oh, and now he’s hidden beneath the girl in pink…”</p><p>It took a short moment until he became visible to Cissy again. “…Oh, him… That’d be from mine,” she confirmed his memory, “the French branch. And isn’t that my sweet cousin Lace – ‘the girl in pink’ as you put it. About him, however…” She paused to snap her fingers at a tray-levitating elf to put her glass away onto it and Lucius added his. “You have a great eye, Lucius. I don’t suppose he would do so around here, but I’ve seen him wear green carnations. His name is Naël.”</p><p>This was more he could have possibly hoped to find out so fast. “Thank you, my love.” Lucius kissed her on the cheek.</p><p>“You’re welcome. Just please, don’t do or say anything that is ‘up to interpretation’ where my sweet cousin could see it—“</p><p> “Why of course,” he assured her, slightly affronted. He was careful around both their families, if with exceptions, thus there was no need to harangue him.</p><p>“—you’d break her poor little heart. She’s been unreasonably jealous of me ever since the engagement…”</p><p>“Ah, that’s the case… Well, then I’ll try to be even more considerate than the usual.” He promised with exaggerated seriousness, putting crossed fingers on his heart.</p><p>Cissy smiled. “You better. Unfortunately, she’s never been particularly dignified in accepting rejection.” Her tone was still doux, almost infantile. “Nor has she been keeping herself away from married men, but that’s another story—“ she appended, as though not to him.</p><p>“Oh, she’s that one!”</p><p>“Yes, darling, that’s her,” Narcissa let an edge creep into her sweetened voice. He remembered that girl now; in particular – how much Cissy hated her. Perhaps at some level she should have been grateful for her... Hadn’t it been for the cousin, she would never have consoled her lovely in-law, with whom she still kept in very close contact now.</p><p>“Well then,” Lucius ran his hand down his hair to smoothen it. “Speaking of impressiveness and impressions, I’m afraid, lady and gentleman, I need to go make one.” He kissed Cissy on the cheek again and patted Severus on the back. The velvety finish of his dress robe truly had been a right decision. Unhappy with being noticed again, Severus squinted at him sideways until he lifted his hand off his back. To needle him more, Lucius directed his parting question solely at him, “How do I look?” He leaned away and tossed his hair back a little.</p><p>Silent, Severus gave him a telling look. Namely, it was telling him to grow up – undeniably a bold statement coming from someone not two weeks into adulthood.</p><p>“Merlin, you’re unhelpful,” Lucius laughed, unconcerned. “Cissy, love, how do I look?”</p><p>“Like a terrible, terrible groom. But fine.” She reached to his face, grabbing a wisp of hair from beneath his ear and freeing it from being tucked beneath its lobe. “There. He might like to fix that for you.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Lucius accepted her crafty suggestion. It was one of the benefits of her perspicacity and one that sent him into reminiscences of them consulting each other before sneaking out of the dungeons for a date. The recollection of Hogwarts brought the quiet Slytherin back to his mind. “Severus, I swear I’ll get back to you—“</p><p>“I can hardly wait,” Severus iced words with sarcasm, but Lucius knew better than to believe that.</p><p>“—In the meantime, you really shouldn’t be afr—well, let me rephrase that. You shouldn’t let Walburga’s unwelcoming approach to new people make you die of boredom here. She does respond kindly to politeness from anyone—well, anyone who is a proper wizard at least. The Blacks usually appear more daunting than they truly are.” This he could say from experience; the suddenly threateningly cold smile Cissy sent him was enough proof of it. “Although well, not all of them, perhaps. And the friend of yours takes after his father, whom I wouldn’t call intimidating as much as plain handso—“ Before he could finish his thought, a light hand placed itself between his shoulder blades and pushed him with surprising firmness.</p><p>“Why don’t you—darling,” the way Narcissa pronounced the endearment quelled Lucius’ cry of protest before it had escaped his throat, “go admire people your age, as you’ve planned.”</p><p>While she urged him towards the Selwyns – and Naël – he could only register Severus’ quickly paling blush in the corner of his eye. Curious, he deemed it, though it slipped his mind as soon as he saw the maroon locks of the man in his sights moving through the crowd. While he sped up to catch up to him, he only heard the last snippet of a conversation behind him, “Sorry for my husband,” Narcissa apologised, sincere amusement surfacing in her voice. “…Good Merlin, I feel like I’ll be saying that a lot. Nevertheless – he was right about aunt Walburga…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> So, I took a piece of real-life rather homophobic gossip and turned it into something useful. I think I took any predatory overtones off it giving the situation, but in case you’re wondering, my research showed conclusively that ‘the gay handshake’ is not a thing. Thus, its use here is purely fictional and caused by my conclusion that it would fit the wizarding society (as you can see – I did that with more than one discreet symbol of homosexuality here).<br/>
I am also happy to inform this is the last of the mixed-timeline retrospective chapters and now we're officially back in the 80s. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. March 1982</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> In case you you find the beginning confusing - it takes place 'right after' the first chapter. Well, at least plot-wise, because as you can see from the timeline, it's been a few months, filled with the war ending and some other time-consuming maladies that plagued the Malfoy family. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Severus wasn’t grateful for their help. In fact, the moment he regained consciousness, he got as close to screaming at him as Lucius had ever witnessed him do at anyone. He left the manor on the first possible occasion and in a hurry that bordered on panic. Neither of them had seen him since.</p><p>“You know what,” Narcissa said now, spinning the spoon in her cup, “I have no idea what you did to him, but—“ The look Lucius gave her made her change her approach instantly. “Well, what I’m trying to say is Aurora tells me he’s keeping his comfy little place by Dumbledore’s side, so clearly it’s not your treacherous ways he’s mad at. What are you—what—okay—make me one too, then—“</p><p>“Without whiskey, I assume?” Lucius asked from over the cocktail cabinet.</p><p>“Yes, of course. Or maybe... I still have,” she darted a look at the clock, “enough time until Eunice’s dinner, I suppose. Do we have any of Campbell’s left? Pour me that – otherwise the juice alone,” Narcissa decided, for now abandoning her tea. “As I was saying—she tells me he’s applied for the D.A.D.A. job again, which Albus, of course, will refuse him, but he’s going to stay in Potions, permanently perhaps. Suspicious, isn’t it?” She mused, without waiting for a reply. “Slughorn retains his reasons to be scared about his hide and yet it’s the young potioneer Albus chooses. Which begs the question – why is Severus staying there in the first place, now that there’s not much reason for him to?” Lucius poured a drop more whiskey into his cocktail than he’d initially planned to. “As apt at brewing as he is, Aurora says he doesn’t much have a heart for teaching. Or – the ‘patience to watch the landscapes of human stupidity unfold in their whole questionable glory’, as she quoted. Nevertheless, Dumbledore wants to keep him.”</p><p>“I didn’t know you were still dallying with her.” Lucius placed the orange-filled glass before her and then sat down with his own one.</p><p>“Oh, she’s amazing, so of course I am. I mean, I doubt that’s going to last for long,” Narcissa shot him quite the reproachful look, “because of your <em>associates…</em>”</p><p>“Now don’t glare at me like I am to blame. The mere fact I will be prosecuted—“</p><p>“—comes down to my sister, I know, I know...” She took a long sip of her drink, tasting it carefully on her tongue. “You did add whiskey then—“</p><p>“The last of Campbell’s, I’m afraid.” Lucius clinked his glass lightly against hers while they both had them raised.</p><p>“And for long, I suppose. Well, no matter.” She reciprocated the gesture. “To your father helping out, I’d say.”</p><p>“I consider myself insulted, though yes, to him and others not leaving us on ice, if we shall need them.” Lucius wet his lips with the cocktail. “So—you were saying?” he then prompted, putting his glass down.</p><p>“Well, I’m not sure what last…”</p><p>“Aurora,” he supplied.</p><p>“Oh, right, yes. See, she doesn’t seem to mind this whole business,” Narcissa twiddled her fingers, exposing her band, “although I’ll see in another year if she still doesn’t. If it lasts that long to begin with, of course. As I said, I’m worried she might be a bit repelled by the whole issue of our… alleged loyalties. She’s already come close to interrogating me about Bella,” she confided, her face darkening for a moment.</p><p>Lucius inclined his head in sympathy. “Well, I am sorry, then. Although perhaps she will be able to bear it…”</p><p>“We will see.” Narcissa titled her glass to her lips again, staring at the food in her plate resignedly. Then, still without beginning to eat, she lifted her gaze back onto her husband. “On a side note – when we have the thing with you under control, I suppose I should contact my foolish big sister.”</p><p>Lucius nodded, momentarily pursing his lips. “She’s awaiting her trial even still?”</p><p>“Yes, though I doubt in her case the trial will change much.” Narcissa waved her hand dismissively yet dully, as if getting rid of a particularly saddening fly. “Either way... from what I’ve heard, it seems Dumbledore has provided Severus a cover. Dumbledore, of all people! If I were you I would be rather worried—about how inexplicably he’d been exonerated.”</p><p>“He would not betray me,” Lucius opposed, and with deep conviction.</p><p>Narcissa’s bright blue eyes pierced him like an icicle. “Maybe. But wouldn’t he cheat on you?” she asked with a smile, her head tilted playfully to the side.</p><p>“Cissy!”</p><p>“What?” she left her lips open, feigning lack of understanding.</p><p>Lucius put his glass down forcefully and said, just as staunchly, “No. Just no. Firstly – if he’d resolved to be loyal, he would not stoop to cheating on anyone. Secondly – he is incapable of cheating on me, for the obvious reason of us not being together; you truly need to back down with that theory of yours.” It did sparkle in his mind worryingly, however, how the assumption Severus could have placed his romantic loyalty in a man and him in particular, hadn’t even startled him. It felt obvious, too obvious since Cissy first drew his attention to it. Moreover, Lucius had entertained the thought for long enough to deem it appealing.</p><p>“It’s not a theory, darling, it’s proven,” she argued, lightly stabbing her index finger into the air. It then landed on the rim of her glass, finally pushing the orange slice down into the liquid inside. “Before you ask again – by your behaviour, mainly. He isn’t here nearly enough for me to be sure about his feelings – well, good for him now, I suppose, with the Ministry’s sniffing around. He does seem like the type, though. What I can assure you of is that he’s not very attracted to women—“</p><p>“I dread to ask how you found that one out.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, not nearly the way I did with you. Let’s just agree I do have my sources. And well… given how you know each other, he’s a little young for you, though I’m the last one who should say that, living in a glass house and all. At least <strong>she</strong> didn’t go to school with me—or isn’t my boss... or my headmistress...” Her words dissolved into a giggle.</p><p>“Narcissa, for Merlin’s sake! No more drinking for you,” Lucius assessed, pushing her glass away from her.</p><p>“Let a woman have her vices, thank you very much.” Red nails scratched his skin as she snatched it back from his grip.</p><p>Lucius leaned back in surrender and took a long gulp of his own drink. “I assure you, with all the faults Dumbledore possesses already, there is no need to add such an accusation to the list,” he then stated, having swallowed the doubt that had suddenly overcome him.</p><p>“Fine,” Narcissa conceded. She had drained the contents of her glass and was now dabbing resignedly at her omelette. “All I’m saying is you should check up on him, see what he is up to these days – Severus I mean, though perhaps – the both of them.”</p><p>Her giggle quietened under the scorn of his gaze more quickly this time. “I believe I have mentioned it,” Lucius reminded dully once she’d restrained her amusement, “but he is ignoring my owls.”</p><p>Narcissa covered her mouth and spoke with bits of food still in it, “One owl, Lucius, that was one owl. On the course of months.”</p><p>“He had always responded almost immediately until now,” Lucius countered. “What – do you expect me to impose?”</p><p>This time she washed down the food with her tea before responding, “No, but you could apologise.”</p><p>Lucius jerked back in his chair with outrage. “What for? I did not do anything against him—“</p><p>“Against, maybe not.” Cissy cut another piece and carefully gathered the greens onto her fork. “For him – a great deal,” she added before taking a bite.</p><p>“Which is a terrible thing, how?” he wondered sardonically, though inwardly praising her skill of seeing through him so well.</p><p>“Isn’t it obvious? I would be mad if you saved me from killing myself,” Narcissa said plainly, eyeing him as she lifted her cup, “and not just because you’re not my dream Prince Ennervate.”</p><p>“You mean – Princess.”</p><p>“I don’t know… maybe there’d be men to compete in that ranking as well. There are some that could beat you, for an easy example – on the matter of truthfulness towards themselves,” she mocked with a smirk.</p><p>“Mind you,” Lucius retorted with a similar expression, tracing the rim of his glass with his ring finger, “even all things considered, sometimes I think my worst mistake was marrying you out of the three.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m afraid you’ve made plenty of worse ones,” Narcissa laughed. “Although, getting back to your <em>not-lover boy</em> – keep in mind he’s about the only person apart from me who can stand you for longer than six months.”</p><p><em>‘And whom I can stand for that time without getting utterly bored,’ </em>Lucius amended in his mind. “Honestly Cissy,” he began aloud, pausing to drink his cocktail to the bottom.</p><p>“If you don’t contact him, I will,” Narcissa threatened and the glint in her eyes cut all discussion. “Under the pretence of giving him an update on Eunice, for example. I could invite him to her birthday, come to think of it… or whatever else comes to my mind – you can be sure I won’t ponder over it half as much as you’re keep doing.”</p><p>Lucius sighed deeply, standing up to pour himself another.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> Just for clarification: Cissy isn’t correct here, Severus is demisexual  (hence why all the relationships he ever has, even crushes, concern people he's known for a while) and very bi. The man radiates bi-disaster energy, so well... </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. June 1982</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You dragged my mother into this? What’s next – you’ll tell her what I’ve got on my arm?” Severus’ voice was all-soft, masking his rage in much the same way a well prepared poison would have a pleasant taste covering up the venom. He glared at Lucius, who, caught unprepared, was now blindly searching for a wand. Severus’ was in his thin-fingered grip, with its pointy tip aimed right at Lucius’ chest.</p><p>“I did not. I told you – I had no idea about it…” Lucius admitted sincerely, looking up into his demanding face.</p><p>“Tell me another.” Severus pursed his brow with a cynical certainty he was being lied to.</p><p>“When that’s the truth.” Lucius gave up on drawing his wand in favour of making a hand gesture he intended to mean innocence.</p><p>It did nothing to mollify Severus – quite the opposite, it seemed to have fed his irritation. In an outburst of it, he pushed him, making Lucius totter towards the wall until his back met the stone of it. Fingers curled insufficiently around his forearm like an ivory bracelet, Severus pinned Lucius’ fiddling hand on the level of his pockets. “Tell me another, I said,” he repeated, raising his wand further up. Hooded eyes bore into Lucius through the thicket of dark lashes and, when he swallowed, Severus’ wand scratched his neck. “Whatever you believe that was – just leave me the fuck alone. I know what you did, Lucius…” There was something conflicted in the way he said his name, as though he’d attempted to spit it out, but it stuck to him like a Honeydukes’ toffee. “I know who it could have been instead. I do not wish to have anything to do with you. Not ever.” Severus moistened his apparently quickly drying lips and meanwhile let his wand slide down Lucius’ neck. “And if you bother my mother again, I swear I’ll testify against you when they call me.”</p><p>He bluffed – it was written plain in his falsely impenetrable, dark-stained eyes. They swallowed up most his thoughts into their depths, but never quite everything, at least not right now. From up close, he seemed more haunted than Lucius remembered him from the days of the war. Since it was taken off the Death Eater mask had eaten his cheeks up completely, carving them so that they now resembled its skull-like lines even more. He had frozen in place, a motionless lost soul, maybe searching for something to add to his words to make them hit harder. Lucius took the opportunity, closing the gap between them with a swiftness usually reserved for duelling.</p><p>Their lips met. Severus’ were cold and sour, chapped in their middle. Raw. Lucius’ free hand had found its way onto his neck, in between the slick hairs. Although it took him a second of pure shock before he did so, Severus reciprocated, closing his eyes before Lucius did the same. He tasted of something sweet yet spicy and cigarette smoke, the smell of which lingered in his hair as well, engulfing Lucius and mixing with the one of his own cologne. Suddenly, he felt Severus pull away, and firmly; then his hand was pushed of the wool-clad nape. When he looked at him again, the flush from before had reappeared and straggled all over his face, lighter above the slope of his cheekbones. It mustn’t have been born solely of anger, but a vein throbbed furiously on the side of his forehead. Before Lucius could as much as blink, Severus slapped him on the cheek.</p><p>“What was that for?” Lucius made the mistake of asking, cocking a brow.</p><p>Severus hit him again, this time with a fist and on the nose. An unsettling cracking sound followed the punch and resonated in Lucius’ ears. Severus disapparated a second later, well before the black spots had faded away from his vision. Lucius hadn’t had the chance to grab his hand to stop him, not to mention requite him. As he held on to the wall to gather himself, a trickle of blood wet his skin. It streamed down to his lips, mixing metallically with the acidic taste that still lingered on them.</p><p>When he walked into the drawing room on the first floor, Cissy was reading, huddled up on the sofa with her legs tucked underneath her. Rather jadedly, she lifted her head to the sound of the door opening rather and her face only sparked up with interest when she noticed the blood. Without giving her a chance to ask a single question, Lucius accused, “What in Merlin’s name popped into you head to go to Spinner’s?”</p><p>“Oh—I told you I’d contact him. Speak a tone lower if you may, Eunice is sleeping,” Narcissa called his attention to the baby through pointing at the cradle in the corner.</p><p>Lucius kept his voice in the levels of a whisper now, but made it no less furious than when he would be shouting. “And you couldn’t think of a better way, you unreasonable woman?”</p><p>“Well, honestly – no.” Relaxed, she shrugged, putting her book away. “If I were you, I’d wait before calling me unreasonable – I sent a great deal of owls, but he’s either allergic to the name of Malfoy and feels it from inside unsigned envelopes, or he recognizes our owls very well.”</p><p>“So instead of, say, using the postal office ones—“</p><p>“Why bother to, when we have two perfectly good owls already? Besides, not only did I befriend Eileen, I also managed to get him to appear here, didn’t I?” Cissy’s voice remained tryingly self-satisfied.</p><p>“That is beside the point.”</p><p>“No, that very much <strong>was </strong>the point. If he appeared once, he’ll be back, though I’m judging – later rather than sooner.” Her stare lingered on the hand Lucius had raised to cover his bloodied-up skin. “Besides, Eileen is a lonely woman these days; not that I’m blaming you two, because she’s probably better off for it. And, on top of everything, I haven’t seen you this glad to be wounded, ever, I believe.” Narcissa gave another complacent smile and reached for her wand, drawling, “Love hurts, or however they say. Yours is going to start hurting soon, so I’d suggest you let me fix those rearranged bones already.”</p><p>Beckoned, Lucius sat beside her and showed her his broken nose in all its glory.</p><p>“It almost looks like Severus’ now, actually. Maybe you want me to leave it that way?” Cissy suggested. She giggled when Lucius slapped the outside of her hand in retaliation. “Now you stop that, mister, or I will leave it broken!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. June 1983</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> I believe it's safe to say in this chapter it'll be: <br/>
Severus-'I hate children'-Snape: 0 <br/>
Narcissa-'No you don't'-Malfoy: 2 </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the last week of May, a horned owl landed on the sill of the sight hole graciously given the name of a window, which lightened Severus’ living chamber. He’d tried to daunt it, but the bird refused to go away. He let it in only on the second day, making the owl peck him for the delay, then depart without a treat. Apparently, it too had a Malfoyish pride that could be offended.</p><p>Calling the letter unexpected was an understatement. As far as he knew, Lucius was conveniently abandoning every friend of his who could put him in a bad light in the new reality. Besides, their last encounter was far from pleasant. It took place right after Lucius had received his exculpation. Severus’ lie-woven testimony was even mentioned in the final verdict. He had been watching Lucius in the courtroom, continuously failing to persuade himself he hated him. He had every reason to hate him. When approached by him in the hall, he looked the Malfoy straight in the eye and felt something, a raging little thing curling up in his stomach. It wasn’t hate, but Severus would rather it had been. Furious for it, he told Lucius he didn’t remember ever going onto first name basis with him. The empty words of thanks bogged on the toff’s tongue and he stormed away, a swell of expensive robes. Currently, therefore, it was probably ‘lord Malfoy’ writing to him. Either way, that shouldn’t matter – Severus wasn’t planning to respond to whatever this was.</p><p>He opened the envelope. The folded card within bore the title of an ‘invitation’. Inside, Narcissa’s beautiful cursive, addressed him as <em>“Dear Severus”</em>. After expressing her regret about him skipping the last year’s one, she invited him to come to <em>“your unofficial goddaughter’s 3<sup>rd</sup> birthday”. </em>As much as that could be clear through writing, her tone was friendly. Not too familial, but not the “as we have been reminded – Mister Snape” one, either. While he was re-reading the card, something else fell out from the envelope. Severus leaned down to collect it.</p><p>There she was, the kid.</p><p>He hadn’t seen her since she was small enough to fit on one’s arm. The girl in the photograph bore little resemblance to that baby. Squeezing a peachick in her little hand, she was running through the photo, her blue dress fluttering. Probably on command, she stopped in the middle of the frame and shot a smile straight at the camera. She had her father’s eyes. Their greyness, however, was less condensed; silver, not steel. They glimmered with amusement in the spring sun as the kid scurried out of the picture again. She was right to do so. In the second between her escape and reappearance, a grown peacock skeltered into the frame. If its puffed out feathers and jutting beak were any signs, it was chasing the girl. <em>“Eunice, playing with the peacocks—” </em>the description on the back of the photo announced. It wasn’t Narcissa’s writing this time, but Lucius’.</p><p>Severus had made a promise to himself, so he did not respond. Instead, he showed up.</p><p>The Malfoys’ parties usually necessitated rsvp-ing, so that the hosts could prepare for the amount of guests. As Severus belatedly read from a house elf’s surprised face, this applied to kid’s birthdays too.</p><p>On top of being unexpected, it seemed he was early. Two terrible crimes. He’d considered using that spare time to talk to the master of the house, but concluded their issues were best ignored. He left the gift with a house elf, who next offered to lead him upstairs. Ballroom it was, then. Already, he felt overwhelmed. Having decided to evacuate, he refused the elf. But before he’d managed to convince it to give him back his cloak, a Malfoy rose out of the ground behind him.</p><p>“Afternoon,” the deep voice greeted, raspy with age. “Severus, wasn’t it?”</p><p>“Good afternoon. Yes, lord Malfoy, it is Severus. Snape,” he said, turning around and taking the offered ringed hand into his.</p><p>Abraxas must have ditched Ovidia somewhere, because he was alone. Dressed in a sumptuous black robe, he already had a silver goblet in his hand. Before speaking, he tilted it to Severus. “I believe I have yet to have the occasion to tell you, but you did very well at the hearings, last year,” he assessed, a practised smile on his face.</p><p>His way of expressing gratefulness, no doubt. “Thank you,” Severus said for him. Before he could add anything more eloquent, the knocking of a cane came from the chamber on their right.</p><p>“Oh, father, I knew you’d get to him before I would!” Lucius Malfoy exclaimed. His navy robes swept the floors as he crossed the corridor. Apparently, the news had travelled like uncontrolled Fiendfyre. Severus hadn’t let the house elf out of his sight once and it still managed to inform Lucius of his arrival. How impressive.</p><p>Just like that, from one steely gaze of a Malfoy to another, Severus was caged. Excuses were unlikely to hold against doubled scrutiny. He had to suffer through this. “Hello. Lucius.”</p><p>“Well, hello Severus.” Lucius flashed him a smile, halting between him and Abraxas. Severus stretched his hand to him, and Lucius shook it with stiff politeness. “We didn’t know whether you’d be able to come,” he rambled, carefully omitting the issues lying beneath that. “Now, however, I took the liberty of assuming you will be staying until the night. My father, for example, will not.” His statement sounded a whole lot like an order.</p><p>Abraxas’ chin rose and the eyes of the two Malfoys met in a silent joust.</p><p>“—He is busy. Mother’s injury and the conference—I’ll tell you all about it later.” Abraxas nodded this time, allowing his son to do that. “But well, don’t let me bore you. Eunice is with Cissy, already up there, at our table. I shall suppose you’d want to meet her—“</p><p>Even if he tried, Severus wouldn’t have been able to squeeze a single word in. Perhaps having come to a similar conclusion, Abraxas left them alone. His hair, let loose unlike Lucius’ and even lighter than his, streamed behind him as he dived into another room, promising to “Talk to you, young man, later.”</p><p>“Father will probably want to buy this and that, in terms of potions, from you. Hope you don’t mind. I have told him about your talents in great detail,” Lucius provided, before leading him up to the ballroom.</p><p>There weren’t many guests present yet – mostly the family. According to Lucius, not everyone had the same hour on their invitations.</p><p>The kid, a restless blonde figure in a pastel blue dress, jumped off her mother’s lap to greet them. She took liking to him, which puzzled Severus as no other thing could have. Deaf to his objections about having had enough of children at work, Narcissa insisted he showed Eunice how to use the altered kid-potioneering kit she got from him. The girl turned out not only more thrilled, but also less abysmal at this than half the Hogwarts’ first years. He spent a good while teaching her how to make a glistening solution that spilled around into little, non-toxic beads. This spared him being dragged around and shown like a circus monkey to Lucius’ arriving guests.</p><p>Then, the Parkinsons made their appearance. Their spawn wasn’t half as interested in mixing ingredients as Eunice was. Tugging at the other girl’s hand, Pansy dived into the Halls of the residence, shouting something about dolls. Clearly, she knew her way around here. Eunice said her thanks to her ‘uncle’ and promptly went after her.</p><p>Faced with the lack of excuses, Severus left the gift-filled room. For the following time, he pretended valiantly not to detest the shallow conversations around him. An hour or so passed while he was locked in oblique poisons-talk with Abraxas Malfoy. Once he’d swallowed his hate for the man, that proved surprisingly tolerable. Kids, multiple now, occasionally interrupted them with shrill yells.</p><p>Finally, Eunice blew the candles on her cake. The one in its centre erupted into flowers and she laughed blithely until Narcissa set a knife to portion the cake. Eunice was first to finish hers. After the other kids followed her wake in that, some of them departed with their parents. Others, along with the girl herself, were sent upstairs with a childminder to look over them.</p><p>Meanwhile, Walburga Black eyed Severus and his prospective orderer out from her table. When she beckoned Abraxas to join her, Severus did not get up. He had inclined his head in a greeting already and hoped that was enough to keep up with the basic etiquette. The topics for them two would vary from her son they could agree to despise to the trickier one, who he would never openly admit to missing. Neither option was tempting. Besides, he was a half-blood and one who did not waltz in where he was unwelcome.</p><p>For a moment, it looked like he would have to hold a conversation with his tablemates. Amongst them – Lucius’ accursed cousin. Him at least he recognised from descriptions, despite never having met the man before. Apart from him, he only knew Cyprianus, a Ministry-legacy who Lucius had been acquaintances with since Hogwarts.  Due to the host’s busyness, he hadn’t been introduced to the rest. Personally, he had no intention of familiarising himself with them unless forced to. Currently, Vespasian was amusing Cyprianus, or more precisely, his date – an umber-skinned woman named or nicknamed Emory – with a story about the wizarding customs in America. They seemed content without Snape in the conversation. Yet, when Abraxas left, he caught a few inviting glances. He’d started considering going for a smoke to avoid the talk about the inferiority of Diagon Alley, when an unexpected saviour appeared.</p><p>“Severus! Had to be you,” Sinistra said lightly, placing a hand on his back and causing him to turn.</p><p>“Aurora,” he greeted, a little startled.</p><p>“Well, I see you’re seated with Lucius’ guests.” She nodded her greetings to those, and they reciprocated before returning to their discussion. “You have my envy. I happen to be stuck with the lovely ladies.” Her voice was laced with copious amounts of sarcasm. “—who I also happen to hardly tolerate. All of them mothers – and I am old enough to be the mother of some of them myself! Speaking of which, I ‘deserve to have a kid soon’, according to Parkinson.”</p><p>“Does that not count as a hex?”</p><p>Aurora’s dark lips curved in an askew smile. “I was asking myself that! Though, to my horror, it seems she meant that as a blessing. No wonder she prefers to think so, having four. Still, if she needed a justification for making her life a noisy hell, there are philosophies other than counting the growth rings under my skin…”</p><p>“Now, if it is Penelope we are talking,” Aurora nodded in confirmation. Her cobweb of braids bounced with the movement. “You should ask her whether you too ought to have three, then none for years, then another—“</p><p>“I just might. A duel would certainly let me get out of there for good!”</p><p>Aurora’s vivacious griping repelled any prying looks sent his way. Severus was grateful. He enjoyed his older colleague’s company. As opposed to, say, Minerva, Sinistra had always treated him as her equal. Given all that, he suggested, “There’s a free seat here, most of the time,” indicating Lucius’.</p><p>“Lucius’s working?” Aurora guessed, gaze shifting to the other tables, searching for the Malfoys. She found them both at the ‘Ministry table’, glossy smiles plastered to their faces.</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>“Well then…” She sat down. “Time for complaining about our workplace, I say—is this Firewhiskey by any chance?”</p><p>“It is. Why?” Severus reached for the bottle. “Are you implying—“</p><p>“Sadly, I am.” Her assumed expression of grief accentuated the smile-wrinkles around her mouth. “There was none of it at my table. So help me Morgana, Severus, if Cissy ever sits me with those women again!” She sighed, shaking her head as his spell filled both their glasses. He had not drunk a lot while Abraxas was around. Now, especially if they would be talking about their <em>charming</em> school, was the perfect time to catch up on that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> Btw, the Hogwarts' students comparison was a bit of an exaggeration, though I'm more than sure Severus has a better opinion about three year old Draco than about most the dunderheads he teaches in his NEWTs course. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. June 1983</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> I've come here on this fine Valentine's day to ruin the concept of strawberries in chocolate for you. Or the opposite of ruin...<br/>
Also, canon-typical incest(=cousins) kind of appears in this chapter. <br/>
From now on (this chapter included), if a date (month-year) is the same in two chapters it means they come directly after each other – as in: the same day, unless specified otherwise. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soon, the crowd around them began thinning. First left Abraxas; Lucius’ business-associates and distant family followed suit. Only after he’d said his goodbyes to his most important guests, did Lucius focus on those his stature didn’t depend on. He returned to the table, full at that moment, and asked Aurora for his seat back. Leaving them to finish their conversation, he departed for a long while. In that time, the seat in front of Severus was freed as if for him, specifically. Lucius slid into it, face Champaign-florid now, but gaze still calculating. Talkative as he could be at parties, he introduced those of his guests who needed that, Severus amongst them. Then, he plunged into talking about Vespasianus’ brief visit to England, in turns with the man himself. After a while, Aurora whispered a peculiar non-excuse of “Entirely not my area,” and left to look for Cissy. Abandoned there but for the single friendly presence opposite him, Severus mostly listened.</p><p>Having Lucius sit there was a horrible experience all over. The more Champaign he had coursing in his veins, the more obvious were his <em>inclinations</em>. Severus wasn’t blind. In fact, it seemed he was noticing more than anyone else at the table. He saw Lucius’ arm flung over that former Minister’s son, Morgan was his name. He saw his gesturing melt into caresses along the sleeves of either of the men sitting on his sides. He saw his hand dive beneath the table, presumably landing not on his own thigh. Lucius had wanted to sit by him, at first – slunk through Severus’ mind, a slimy, tantalizing thought. Now there was an empty seat on Severus’ left and this horrid display in front of him.</p><p>It wasn’t that Lucius made him question himself. Not anymore. He made him sure, which was a whole lot worse. He had never been this bothered by his extravagances before. Perhaps last year’s occurrences were to blame for that change.</p><p>Tipsy gaze stuck in Vespasianus, Lucius was sipping the words off his lips. Severus wasn’t certain which was more torturous – watching Vespasian talk with his little, Lucius-directed flourishes or observing the Malfoy himself. Each time he averted his gaze from the aristocratic face, repainted with a blush – faint, yet applied with ardour – it would return to it. It was as if Lucius had him chained to himself.</p><p>Reproachful, he asked himself why he had come here at all. The answer was as obvious as it was painful – because Lucius was dear to him. Too dear to let go of. He was the last dear thing Severus had that wasn’t a memory.</p><p>Vespasianus had been waving his hand disdainfully, illustrating his muggle commute experiences. The bunch of grapes held in it shook with the motions until a few of them fell off, bouncing around the foot of Lucius’ glass. Emory burst into giggles. Who knew she had such an aggravating laugh? Vespasianus leaned to collect the fruit and his fingers lingered around the goblet’s stem, on Lucius’. Not halting in his speech, the American fed the fallen grapes to Lucius’ opened mouth. When his hand retreated, Lucius looked at his cousin with an indulgent smile.</p><p>Soon, Lucius changed his choice of snacks and reached to the bowl on his right. This time without any aid, he lifted a strawberry. Silver rings glistened over its leaves as he leaned towards the chocolate fountain. It stood right between him and Severus. Hand arching, he dipped the strawberry in the white chocolate on the top of the triple cascades.</p><p>“—I say the most efficient way—“ someone was speaking. Severus didn’t care for who or what about. Lucius was still bent forward in his chair, letting chocolate drip down the fruit. Just as he raised it to the level of his mouth, he caught eye contact with Vespasian again. Shank trembling between his fingers, he put the strawberry in his mouth, starting with the white-covered tip of it. His manner did not suggest he was planning to ingest it.</p><p>The bloody American sent him a coy smile.</p><p>It might have been the alcohol, but Severus felt nauseated. Lucius let the fruit partly disappear in his mouth and then released it, glistening with his spit.</p><p>Suddenly, he looked right at him.</p><p>Startled, Severus forgot to feel abashed. On the other hand, Lucius’ precise aim here was clearly being in the centre of attention. The spears of his eyes pierced Severus’, making it impossible to look away. Merlin, had he drunk too much. But how was he able to stand this – whatever this was – without the help?</p><p>Again, Lucius proceeded to lick the, now barely existent, chocolate off the strawberry. Severus caught a glimpse of white, grazing the seedy surface as it slid inside his mouth. Lucius’ lips encompassed the vivid redness, pink and puckered over the base of the fruit, touching the tips of his fingers. He pulled the strawberry partly out of his mouth and his perfect teeth showed once more. They tore through the fruit’s skin, making it bleed out in faint pink. Lucius closed his eyes, revelling in the taste. A trickle of juice coiled on his fingers and dripped down his chin.</p><p>Hands from both his sides appeared with handkerchiefs and Vespasianus’ wiped it away. Accepting the gesture, Lucius titled his chin towards the man. Meanwhile, in a casual tone, he answered Cyprianus’ question that Severus hadn’t registered being asked.</p><p>Severus clutched his glass of Firewhiskey. He drank until the squirming in his abdomen stilled. It was empty by the time he put it away. His mind, stubbornly, was not.</p><p>Lucius reached over to the bowl for another. His eyes rested on Severus while the red shape danced between his fingers. This was all Severus’ fault for letting himself be seated in his proximity. Lucius was only playing with him, but he was cruel in that like a child vivisecting a live beetle. As his lips parted again, Severus decided he’d had enough.</p><p>Sure he wouldn’t be missed, he excused himself to the bathroom. On his way out of there, he would say his farewell to Cissy and simply leave. Lucius wouldn’t be offended for long.</p><p>He spent a good moment there, staring at himself in the mirror. Lanky hair piled up asymmetrically over his face, forever more black tendrils on the left side. This answered one of his burning questions: whether Lucius could have been serious in kissing him, last year. Hardly. The other one, of how he would manage to remain friends with the Malfoy, stayed unanswered, resonating in his feverish mind. “You have to collect yourself,” he mumbled at his worn reflection. He always thought his inner voice sounded weak compared to how he’d learnt to control his actual one. Currently, it was rougher than what he was used to. Especially when he recalled Lucius’ wine-florid face, lashes fluttering as Vespasianus pretended to fix the cufflink of his robe.</p><p>Severus looked into his own eyes, blacker with expanded pupils. Contrary to popular belief – even Regulus had told him that once – they were not empty. Certainly not now, filled with the confusing brew of rage and agitation. He was able to make them empty if he wanted, though less so when inebriated. Pity he had left the sobering potion in his bag.</p><p>He stared void into them until there was nothing. Until he felt nothing, having compartmentalised all his discomfort and incongruous jealousy away.</p><p>With controlled breaths and thoughts, he’d wiped it all without a trace. He hadn’t done that so thoroughly since the war, but this was a war. His personal war against the notion the seed whereof had been planted in him long ago, and by Lucius, because who else could it have been. It had been ages since it sprouted. Then, however, it withered an abrupt death along with Walburga Black’s youngest son. Lucius brought it back to life later; lately, even. Lucius, who was presumably planning to lay his own cousin tonight.</p><p>“You complete fool—“ Severus was whispering at his deaf reflection, when somebody knocked on the door. “A moment,” he said, loudly enough to be heard on the other side.</p><p>He turned the tap on and let the water flow before turning it off again. Coming out of the bathroom, he pushed the door too hard, almost hitting the person outside. Vespasianus. Perhaps he should have let the door fly away more forcefully, smashing the American’s gob.</p><p>“Se-something—is it?” the man addressed him, apparently not queued to the room.</p><p>“Severus. Yes.” Severus envied him the bliss of unawareness. He wished he had no idea who that man was or, at least, how in awe over him Lucius had been for years. It stung him Vespasianus had the privilege of not knowing, despite them having exchanged a few words, back at the table.</p><p>“You’re the potioneer, right? We—well, Lucius—could really use the help of yours. Auni… well, the kid—“</p><p>“Eunice,” Severus corrected him curtly.</p><p>“Yeah, well, Eunice—she’s woken up, Cissa says, and wants to see dad, who wouldn’t want to go to her all blasted, you know.”</p><p>“Well, yes, wouldn’t that ruin the façade... What a responsible father he is,” Severus grumbled under his breath. “I do have something.” It seemed he would be waking up with a hangover tomorrow after all, but the kid was not to blame for Lucius’ habits.</p><p>He strode to the table, finding out the group at it was sparser now. Lucius eyed the two of them from over a wineglass as they approached. “Oh, you brought him. Lovely. Thank you, honey,” he told Vespasianus.</p><p>“Should you really be drinking another?” It came as a shock to Severus the American was capable of such a drop of sensibility. However, the following exchange of skittish smiles changed his mind.</p><p>“Does it count if I’m soberr after it?” Lucius doubted, eyes foggy. Something like a restrained hiccup escaped him at the end. “So to helpful frrriends—“ he added, while Severus was leaning down to his bag. When he straightened up, vial in his hand, Lucius had already downed the contents of his goblet.</p><p>“Here.” Severus forced the potion into his hand, ignoring Vespasianus’ clasped on Lucius’ other one. Why of course, he was only here to help and facilitate, wasn’t he? He would not dare interrupt. But then Lucius’ ringed fingers slipped from beneath his cousin’s and he got up, quickly enough to wobble. The vial still thankfully in his grip, he supported himself on his arm, straining it under the tapered part of his sleeve.</p><p>“Severus, thank you. It takes a moment to worrk, if I rrecall,” Lucius went on, simultaneously uncorking it and rounding the table. He was going, no doubt, Severus’ way.</p><p>Able to foresee what was to happen, Severus stayed put in spite of common sense. He let Lucius falter again, while emptying the vial. He let him grasp his shoulder for support and was surprised not to stagger with it. Finally, he let him put his arms around him.</p><p>Lucius’ hair swatted his face as the man pressed his body against his, having lost balance yet again. “Thank you,” Severus heard again, now whispered to his ear, “sweethearrrt.” A chair scratched somewhere next to them. It could just as well go up in flames, all the same to Severus. The Firewhiskey must have accumulated in his veins and was now released all at once, overcoming him with dizziness when Lucius planted a kiss on his cheek. “Forr the potion. And forrr coming today, too,” he purred. Rather by mistake than design, his mouth slid sideways and crashed sloppily into Severus’.</p><p>He did not react for a second – one too protracted for this to have been Lucius’ mistake. His eyes wide open in shock, he saw Vespasianus, reaching a gentle hand towards Lucius. <em>“Sorry for that, he’s very drunk, you see. And that was for me, I bet. So, sorry once again, you… S-something was the name, right?”</em> his expression was saying.</p><p>Severus turned his head sharply to the side. Just as sharply, he breathed in. The burn of Lucius’ lips mixed with the recollection of the one from last year. Lucius didn’t let go of him, but it was seconds till Vespasianus would help him out with that. Focused on stamping down the ember of a feeling he would rather not acknowledge, Severus didn’t budge.</p><p>No, he felt nothing. He willed himself to feel nothing and he did. He always did when he needed to.</p><p>“Where in Merlin’s name is he still? When she says ‘papa’ I won’t lull her all on my own!” Narcissa’s clear voice issued along the clinking of heels against the marble. She met Severus’ eyes while Lucius’ arms were still wrapped around him and strode right to them. Vespasianus hurried out of her way, seeming afraid of her.</p><p>Red-nailed hands dug into Lucius’ shoulders. Cissy looked at Severus apologetically, but didn’t say a thing. Severus shrugged, hoping his face looked emotionless. He considered telling her about the lipstick smudges over her collarbone, but concluded Lucius would point that out once soberer. While he was being dragged away in what seemed a painful clutch of fingers over his arm, Lucius grinned unsettlingly. The silky warmth of him evaporated off Severus as abruptly as it had scorched him.</p><p>Severus asked the American to tell them, when they came back, that he had left. Vespasianus nodded with a smile. It was a terribly handsome smile, the sort that made one want to spit in the face of its owner. Vespasian, Severus was sure, was staying. The night.</p><p>Nothing; Severus felt nothing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. July 1984</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time Lucius was ready to leave his own party, the birds had already commenced their morning twittering. Placing a somewhat sloppy kiss on the lips of Enfield, he said his farewells to the last group of his friends.</p><p>Enfield had previously planned to stay and now Lucius was most disappointed at him leaving. However, he was ready to acknowledge the role his own mishap played in that – he accidentally misnamed him just a moment ago and was then unable to recall his actual name. Well, those things happened sometimes. The man was not memorable in terms of character; at any rate, he was average altogether but for his looks. Lucius refrained from saying that out loud, though he didn’t bother to apologise either. Thus, Enfield, offended, came up with a last minute excuse, which too fell out of Lucius mind the very second he heard it. He was quite bothered by this turn of events, but figured Enfield would probably have forgotten it by tomorrow. As for himself, Lucius hoped to regain his memory without resorting to checking the man’s name. That would be a tad humiliating, for them both.</p><p>Entering the ballroom from the corridor, Lucius teetered in the doorway. He braced himself for a tumble and was pleasantly shocked when thin arms wrapped around him, lifting him up in the very last moment.</p><p>“Losing rudimentary motor skills, aren’t you?” his shadow said, in the unmistakable truculent whisper of Severus’. His voice was slightly raspier than usual, possibly from the alcohol, because Lucius doubted he could have sung anything.</p><p>“I’m not… losing anything,” Lucius argued for the sake of disagreeing alone. “Everyone trips every once in a while.” The nimble hands around his waist had not retreated, stabilising him even now that he was surely standing again. He sensed a chance there and seized it. “Thankfully, you were there to help,” he added, caressing the length of Severus’ arm. He let his fingers climb up to the line of his neck and over the collar of his robe, aiming to cup the cutting line of his jaw.</p><p>A rose wave suffused Severus’ cheeks. Lucius would have leaned in, had it not been for how swiftly Severus untangled himself from his grasp. Stepping away, he almost threw him off balance again.</p><p>“You’re not going yet…?” Lucius half-asked, feigning having wobbled once more. Expectedly, Severus’ arm returned around his back.</p><p>“I was planning to. Why?” Severus was frowning deeply and had started leading him to a chair. Supporting him all the while, he was close enough for Lucius to feel the cigarettes’ smell woven into his hair, crisp now. He must have been out to the balcony, then.</p><p>“You know you’re always welcome here, Severus.”</p><p>“I fail to see how that affects anything,” Severus replied with a new note in his voice – curious and agitated. There was something about it that made Lucius want to squeeze more of that timbre of it out of him, no matter the means. Severus stifled it quickly, leaving Lucius to wonder whether he’d truly heard it, and fell quiet.</p><p>Lucius let himself be seated at the corner table. Lithe fingers settled him into place, pushing down at his shoulders. Severus’ bag was lying between the chair’s legs, like yet another manor’s dog, evidencing he’d been sitting there before. No matter where Lucius originally assigned him a seat, he would always eventually find his way to some secluded part of the room. He had been so well hidden, in fact, that Lucius had overlooked he was still there; before he came to his rescue, of course.</p><p>Severus reached for one of the carafes on the table – unfortunately, it was the one with water. His fingers curled around the flask’s neck, breaking the silence of the ballroom with soft splashing. Upon accepting the goblet, Lucius cast a glance around. Only the setter Lee was there with them, curled around the legs of Lucius’ previous table. One could almost assume Severus had lingered past the others’ departure on purpose. Lucius took a sip, weighing that possibility in his head.  “Seems there’s no one left but for the two of us…” He let the sentence hang, swelling with its implications.</p><p>Other than the persistent frown, Severus’ face remained inscrutable. He had poured himself a drink as well, though, by the colour of it, it was Firewhiskey in his case. Now his fingers were absently tracing the emeralds incrusted in his goblet.</p><p>“—As I’ve said, you’re always welcome here. And I’d like to have you,” Lucius added, raising the goblet to his lips again. He felt watched in the activity and, if he wasn’t much mistaken, it was precisely his mouth Severus was so keen on observing. Still, however, it was only that firm, rather chiding stare, relentlessly glued to Lucius’ face. No matter how hard he tried, Lucius couldn’t provoke him, which was exactly why he felt compelled to try. The thrill of a chase was rarely granted to him and to some extent – he could appreciate it. “I mean… we’d like,” he corrected himself without haste, putting the goblet away for now. “We – as in me and Cissy – would like you to stay.”</p><p>Severus’ eyes narrowed further, with a hint of scold. “I see your wife nowhere around to back that up. While I appreciate the invitation—“</p><p>Before he could add <em>“—I have to refuse it”</em>, preannounced by his tone, Lucius got up. “I haven’t finished, Severus,” he warned, focused on not losing balance again. “I need to talk to you, see…” He walked towards him, hand trailing along the edge of the table for belaying.</p><p>When Lucius was already close to him, Severus stepped back and then forwards again, nervous. Letting go of the table, Lucius wrapped his arm around him, for mutual support, so to speak. Severus’ shoulders made a surprisingly great prop, sharp-lined and steady against his hands. “About the number of times you’ve tested my patience, amongst other things.” Holding him still – not that Severus was struggling against it – Lucius peeked into the murky depths of his eyes in the vain hope of seeing something in them. All there was to see, was his own reflection. “I am not blind,” he went on, glad Cissy wasn’t here to laugh at that statement, “—and you’ve been ogling me for a while now. Perhaps even since before I kissed you, I cannot quite tell... Then avoiding me, lately – ever since you’re back. And I was glad you returned, in the first place, so I waited... and waited…” Was it another flush he’d caught on Severus’ skin, subsiding before he could have been sure? Lucius shifted his grip over his shoulder, taking some weight off it. “While I consider myself a very patient man, I am not that patient, really. Tonight would be the second time you’re blatantly ignoring my interest, Severus, and I hate being palmed off. It does not feel like you don’t want me.” He ran his fingers along Severus’ tensing jaw and as if to confirm those words, the man let out an unsteady breath. “No, it doesn’t. What it feels like, is that you’re confused. I’d consider that offensive… if I didn’t know you’re unlikely to be playing push and pull on purpose. So, what is it you’re doing?”</p><p>For a moment, Severus looked at him blankly. When he spoke, his voice was even raspier than before, “Lucius, I never meant to off—“</p><p>Lucius let his fingers slip left from his cheek, landing on his lips. “Hush, you didn’t offend me. Neither of the two times—”</p><p>“Three,” Severus corrected him, breath breaking against his finger. “Three, if you’re counting that as one…” He gestured towards the doorway and Lucius tilted his head inquiringly. “Last year, Eunice’s birthday. You wouldn’t remember.”</p><p>In surprise, Lucius leaned away; indeed, he had no recollection of it. Without yet drawing his arm back from his shoulder, he measured him with a fresh vision, looking out for signs of distress. “Did I—” he started to ask.</p><p>He hadn’t expected Severus to pull him in.</p><p>Their teeth clashed, resonating through Lucius’ jaw with artless clinking. Too old for this sort of unexpected awkwardness, he counteracted it quickly. He opened his mouth, inviting the kiss, and wrapped his fingers around Severus’ wrist, placing his hand on the dragon-skin belt around his waist. Only then did he close his eyes, catching one last glimpse of the blush returning to Severus’ face. He licked the taste of alcohol from the roof of his mouth. The Firewhiskey was disgustingly bitter on his palate, so he almost welcomed the acrid taste of cigarettes hiding underneath.</p><p>Cigarettes, the sweetly burning, anise-like note and peppermint. Well, the mint was new.</p><p>With his eyes closed and thrown out of his stance by Severus’ chest suddenly pressed against him, Lucius almost lost balance again. While the floor quaked beneath him, he felt around for a purchase. His hand met wood and he went in its direction. Fingers strapped around Severus’ nape to mirror his – timidly running through Lucius’ hair – he guided them both to it. He slid onto the table, ignoring the ruckus of knocked over goblets and plates.</p><p>One-handed for now, Lucius began unbuttoning his own collar. He didn’t care for tearing it apart little, though he wouldn’t mind some help. That was what he awaited when Severus stopped kissing him. Then, however, Severus took a step back. He looked at him in that odd, slightly wide-eyed manner that made him feel like the Veela from the manor’s paintings, but then his face turned back into marble. The glitter in his eye died down, a Lumos swallowed by the ocean’s depth. For a terrible second, Lucius was sure he’d changed his mind. Thankfully, he only wanted to fix himself another drink, using the undamaged glass from the nearest table. He returned to him shortly, just as Lucius had finished wrestling with his overrobe and threw it negligently onto the floor.</p><p>It had been wine this time – Lucius guessed when their lips met. Moving further back on the table, he pulled Severus towards himself, almost making him fall onto him. In the process, he jostled another bottle. It landed on him and rolled along the edge of his shoulder, spilling its contents into the hollows of his neck. He leaned so that they would hold it while he led Severus to it, tugging lightly at the sleek wisps of his hair. Cool lips worked their way down his Adam’s apple and Lucius gasped when he felt his tongue sipping out the faintly frothing liquid trapped between his muscles. Severus pushed the bottle away to gain better access. It must have been already on the edge of the table, since what followed was a deafening crash of glass against the stone. The dog barked, adding to the noise.</p><p>Abruptly, Severus straightened again. This time, there was no lingering glance. His mouth composed itself into a serious line and next he had turned away, leaving Lucius high and not quite dry on the rumpled tablecloth. He waited a few seconds, expecting Severus to come back; when he didn’t, he propped himself up on his elbows. The last spoon of liquid trickled down his chest, disrespectful rather than titillating.</p><p>Severus was standing to his right, staring through a window. His breaths were short and sharp-edged, but he didn’t seem to have been hurt by the glass shards. Although Lucius hadn’t heard the alcohol being poured, he noted Severus was holding a goblet again. Stretching its silver neck between his fingers, it reflected the bleak gleam of the early sun, currently tucked underneath the duvet of clouds.</p><p>Perhaps feeling his demanding gaze on him, Severus moved away from the window, then raised his eyes at Lucius and averted them quickly. His lips had curled slightly, corners reaching down as though with deep concern. He seemed… lost? Something close to it.</p><p>Lucius tried his best to be forbearing. He took a deep breath before he spoke, willing himself to sound less peeved than he had the potential to. “What are you doing over there, hmm?”</p><p>“Thinking,” Severus replied, staring at the contents of his goblet or into its empty bowl.</p><p>“Not the best moment for that, I can tell you from experience,” Lucius joked, but the banter missed its mark. “Come on, sweetheart. I don’t want you standing there, pondering over not even Merlin knows what – I want to fuck you.” It had sounded a lot less graceless in his head.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> Am I allowed to post a playlist for them yet? I hope, because it is <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0xWsgIBs0Q5S6K57MbiRy2?si=1eT8L2G7Qwaa0iCnM6Lrug">here</a>.<br/>
1) <i> Pass this on </i> by The Knife<br/>
2) <i> Fallingforyou </i> by The 1975<br/>
3) <i> In My Feelings </i> by Lana del Rey<br/>
4) <i> Futile devices </i> by Sufjan Stevens<br/>
5) <i> Cantante tutti* </i> by Dawid Podsiadło<br/>
6) <i> Young and Beautiful</i>, cover by Glass Animals<br/>
7) <i> I Will Follow You into The Dark </i> by Death Cab for Cutie <br/>
8) <i> + Dark Paradise (alternative version) </i> by Lana del Rey<br/>
</p><p>
* - don't worry, it doesn't make sense in any language, the only proper sentence sang there is "But yours"; the lyrics, as provided by their author, are supposedly:<br/>
<i> But yours<br/>
Maybe you'll start listening to my vulgar words<br/>
And you'll see me in the crowd, if you don't see yet<br/>
When I change into a boor, into a git, into a loathsome creature<br/>
Maybe you'll start listening, if you're not listening yet<br/>
When I change into a boor, into a git, into a loathsome--<br/>
But yours, but yours.<br/>
Yours.<br/>
</i>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. July 1984</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> Time for that tags change I've been going on about, though this is only the prelude to E stuff, actually. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You are drunk. And incapable of judging what you want,” Severus reasoned, acutely aware he was lying. Lucius knew what he was doing. It was he, who was utterly confused. Even the alcohol in his system couldn’t cloud the thought that this was wrong and for multiple reasons.</p><p>“Thankfully, you’re soberrr,” Lucius said. He was lounging amongst the remains of the dinnerware, leaning back on his elbows. One of his shoulders peeked out bare, the mole on it exposed against the light. Beneath him, the tablecloth lay as crumpled as the overrobe he’d taken off. He was more flushed than Severus had ever seen him, porcelain cheeks painted with rapid, even strokes of pink. His lips were arched in a smile, too coy and tinted to be a sober one. And, impossibly, he still looked like the master of this place.</p><p>“Though I’m not surre it’ll stay that way if you keep this up...” He waved a ringed hand, pointing at Severus’ cup.</p><p>“I’m not entirely sober, yes.” Severus didn’t understand why he strode back to the table. Something was binding him to it, or rather – someone. “But enough to tell you this is not a good idea.”</p><p>Having long put his goblet away, he placed his hands on the table and leaned on them, as if the wooden surface could take the heaviness of choices away. He stared into the now bare tabletop, seeing his reflection in its polished dark planks. Apparently, this was the face of someone Lucius Malfoy wanted. Lucius was drunk again, which could explain it. But, fucking hell, was he really going to say no to him, and out of cowardice? Truth was he was scared. Scared of being discarded the way he’d seen Lucius discard people worthier of his interest than he was.</p><p>Hearing the shuffle of plates and fabric, he raised his head and met Lucius’ eyes. Lucius leaned forwards and placed his hand over Severus’ left, pinning it to the table. “I’m afrrraid I’m going to have to arrrgue.” His wine-smelling breath ghosted through Severus’ chin. “Any rrecurrring idea of mine is usually a good one.” Each sound reverberated against Severus’ skin. He forced himself to hold Lucius’ gaze. Greyness, as cold as the sky peeking through the curtains. Masterful, steely, unyielding. Yet, somehow, it felt soft; like the fingertips pressed against the back of Severus’ hand.</p><p>“Do you really want this? Want me?” the question slid off his tongue all too easily. Perhaps Lucius was right and he should lay off the alcohol for now.</p><p>“I do,” Lucius answered him instantly, the tip of his nose grazing Severus’. “Do <strong>you</strong> want it?” he added and that second thought made his eyelids part wider for a second. Severus swallowed, finding it had become tough. The pause was too long for Lucius, because he prompted, “I need to know that, Severrus.”</p><p>“Yes,” Severus said finally, syllables fighting against the invisible water filling his throat. “Only I haven’t actually—“</p><p>“I swearrr I’ll be gentle,” without letting him finish, Lucius pressed the words into his lips. Already he was slower, grasping his neck with sudden carefulness, though that did not make Severus feel any less strangled.</p><p>He knew he should listen to him and just fall into the sensation of his lips, hands, hair sprinkled with perfume, of him. However, it was simpler said than done – not to think.</p><p>Then, Lucius pulled away for a moment. With an obscene, devastating smile, he declared he was thirsty and reached to levitate another glass to himself. Severus seized the occasion. The bruise on his neck burned him with a passion while he rummaged through the pockets of his robe. “Drink that. Please.” He passed Lucius the vial.</p><p>Lucius put away the goblet he’d just emptied and took the bottle. “And what sort of drrug is it? Oh, come on, love, I’m joking. It’s the soberrring potion, correct?”</p><p>“Mhm.” Severus uncorked it for him after Lucius’ helpless gaze told him to.</p><p>“Shouldn’t we share it, then?” Lucius asked, surprisingly astute. </p><p>“No. I’m fine.”</p><p>“If you say so…” He lifted the vial to his lips, neck moving as he drained the contents. Next, he simply threw it behind himself with a loud knock against the tabletop. “Well then…” he began, jumping off the table. As if from premature effects of the potion, he managed to do so gracefully. Still, it forced him to pause and grasp the edge of the table. Severus offered him his arm again, but Lucius shook his head. He gathered his overrobe from the floor and, once those focus-draining activities were over, continued, “The closest actually neat guestrrroom is, I believe, the one on the second floorr.”</p><p>Severus had no idea why he let him lead himself upstairs. He was convinced he had made a decision, but against Lucius’ hand entwined with his, it had dissolved. It wasn’t until Lucius directed his wand at the door, opening it with a slurred incantation, that Severus was returned his ability to think. He stopped in place. Lucius hadn’t noticed at first, but then he walked inside and pulled at his arm.</p><p>“Wait—there’s one thing,” Severus said when Lucius wheeled round to face him, “…I know you phrased it as fucking me—“</p><p>“If you so wish, it can even be making love—“</p><p>“This is not a semantical discussion. It’s just that, actually, I would rather be… in you.”</p><p>“Oh.” Lucius let go of his hand, stepping away in surprise.</p><p>Instantly, Severus regretted having said it. Something in him writhed, trying to remind him it was unjustifiably self-important of him to have suggested it or anything else, for that matter. “Not if you—“</p><p>“I switch. It’s no trrrouble.” Lucius came to stand so that he had to back a little. Piercing him with his still wine-glazed eyes, he took another step to the side, pressing Severus against the column by the entrance. Severus let him. He’d let him do about anything to him; he <strong>wanted </strong>to let him. But Lucius only leaned inches from him, like earlier on the table. Murmuring so close to his mouth that Severus could feel the words along with hearing them, he added, “Just, well… I feel like I have misjudged you on this matterrr. I hope you can see where that came frrom.” His face brightened with a wicked grin. He was amused. Amused was good, hopefully.</p><p>Severus felt himself smirk a little. “Sorry to disappoint.”</p><p>“Will you?” Leaning away again, Lucius cocked a brow. His thigh brushed against Severus’, slowly enough for that to be deliberate.</p><p>“How would I know?”</p><p>Lucius sniggered. The wisp of hair that had fallen onto his nose jumped up with the whiff of air. His laughter wasn’t mocking, but warm. “Anything else you’d want me to know?” he asked, reaching down for Severus’ hands. “Do, or not do?” The softness in his voice made it sound like he cared to hear the answer. His fingers curled around Severus’ wrists to lift them.</p><p>Severus watched his own hands being put on the sides of Lucius’ face. It was ridiculous and dreamlike, but they fit well with Lucius’ own paleness. “I have no idea.”</p><p>“Nothing you’d fancy?” Long, white lashes batted at him curiously. “Nothing you’ve thought about…? Nothing you’ve imagined?”</p><p>He wanted to shake his head, but Lucius wouldn’t believe that; especially now that warmth started rising in Severus’ cheeks. God, why was he so transparent? How was it that he could lie to the bloody Dark Lord, but turned beetroot the second Lucius Malfoy threw a simple question at him?</p><p>“Forrr the record, I’ll feel flattered if you did… And you look pretty with that blush.”</p><p>Never once in his life had Severus looked pretty. Only Lucius would say such rubbish to him and dare sound like he meant it. “…I… well…” There was that lump in his throat again. Half-mindedly, he grazed Lucius’ bottom lip with his little finger, trying to collect his thoughts. “…your lips…”</p><p>His hands fell limply at his sides when Lucius’ lifted them of his own face. “My lips what, Severrus?” he asked, licking them. “I wish I did, but I cannot see into your mind.” No sooner had he finished his sentence than he disproved it by sinking to his knees. “Did I guess right?” he then asked, raising his eyes at him as he pressed his fingers to the buttons of Severus’ robe.</p><p>Severus stifled a gasp, nodding stiffly. Whether from the wine haze or by design, Lucius took his time unbuttoning the robe. Once again, he was given the accursed opportunity to think. Now, however, the only thing on his mind was Lucius, his dishevelled blond hair in the reach of his fingers, the pink line of his lips skewed upwards…</p><p>“I’m starrting to like the odds of me being disappointed,” Lucius said, having pulled his pants down. “Try to tell me when you come, alright?” His wand appeared briefly in his hand as he cast a spell Severus had heard of, but never bothered to learn, not daring to expect to have any use for it. “Although I’ll live with it if you forget…”</p><p>He didn’t have the time or the mind to feel exposed, because a second later Lucius took him into his mouth. He licked the length of his cock first, and then again, sending a shiver through his spine. Then his lips, his arched, perfect lips slid over the tip of it, slick and so bloody warm.</p><p>Severus couldn’t look away from him. He felt like he should, like he should at least avoid meeting his eyes, open, seeming bigger than they always were. But he couldn’t. To make that more difficult for him, Lucius kept looking up, commandingly as if he had all control over him. Perhaps he did. His gaze was a stabbing one, if pleasantly so. Then there was the movement of his lips and what they… what it... It was all way bloody more Severus would have expected Lucius to ever do to him. His lips were a tight ring deep into Severus’ length as he sucked him, a regular motion. Celebrative. Severus grabbled behind himself for purchase, for any edge that could support him, but the ones of the column were far too minuscule for that. The heat of Lucius’ mouth spread through him, making him hard, harder than he’d ever been, or so it felt.</p><p>“—close—“ he managed, voice strangled and unstable as it was a second later, when another moan-like sigh was squeezed out of him against his will. He felt an added pressure at the base of him and Lucius tugged at his balls. Severus tried to control himself, but his will was useless. His hips jolted, thrusting before he could have counteracted that, but it seemed Lucius had somehow known he wouldn’t. And then he was coming, spilling into his mouth, Lucius’ mouth, <em>Lucius’</em>, burying his hand in the platinum hair, crying out while not being sure what exactly.</p><p>All blood had drained from his legs and they threatened to buckle. Severus grappled for support again, more desperately this time. He failed to find it, but then Lucius inarmed him behind his knees. Trusting he’d hold him up, Severus let his eyes fall close.</p><p>Lucius didn’t let go of him until he was spent, until there was about nothing in him but for his ragged breath.</p><p>Too soon, Severus’ mind was back into its lucid mode. Although Lucius hadn’t shown a single sign he should be, it was searching for anything he should be ashamed of. Even after he forced it to accept the weird noises he had made, it still found something way too quickly – Tobias had been right. He was “his bent son”. He truly was that, yet another brand of odd, of queer. When Lucius’ tongue retreated off his skin, Severus was struggling to focus on him and not anything and everything else. The skirts of his robe fell to cover him, no longer pulled apart by Lucius’ hand. Lucius spat out some of the semen, carelessly staining the carpet he’d been kneeling on. The rest he must have swallowed, the thought of which made Severus’ insides stir.</p><p>“Was I any good?” Lucius said in a parody of asking for reassurance, his voice undeniably presumptuous.</p><p>Severus didn’t reply to that, unsure whether he’d be able to. Instead, he reached to cup his face with his fingers. The muscles of Lucius’ cheek quivered and he smiled a lecherous smile, lips wet and glistening in the faint light of the day waking up.</p><p>“I’ll take that you’re at a loss for words.” Lucius got up, brushing the front of his robe down. The sculptured snake glimpsed silver between his fingers and in a moment any evidence of what had just happened vanished. It all came so easily to him, making Severus wonder how many times he’d done it before. “You mind?” he then asked, apparently meaning whether he could kiss him now.</p><p>Severus shook his head, ditching the attempt to button up his robe. Fingers pushing at the back of his head to make him lean in, Lucius kissed him leisurely and with deliberation. He was glad not to taste his own sperm out of his mouth, but didn’t mind what was there of salt still left on his tongue. Then, just when he didn’t expect it, Lucius put his arm around his waist, pulling him away from the column.</p><p>They both fell onto the bed. It sagged and then rose underneath Severus, as Lucius bounced back on it a little, drawing his arm from below him. “Change of scenery,” he drawled with enchanting pretentiousness, while moving to loom above him.</p><p>The room felt as if rising sun had already overheated it. The covers were immensely silken against Severus’ skin. He hadn’t known that was possible, but it was too much. Everything was suddenly too much; Lucius’ smile – too coy, his laugh too loud, the hand that took off the trousers tangled bunglingly at Severus’ ankles too warm, the mattress underneath them too bendy. Then, the cloud of his perfume too intense, the mark his lips left on Severus’ neck too tender, the movement of his fingers undoing Severus’ attempt at re-dressing too sure.</p><p>Perhaps Lucius noticed he closed his eyes not in delight, but in overwhelmedness. He stopped in his ministrations and asked him, “May I take it off?” while skimming across the front of Severus’ robe.</p><p>Severus imagined the air of the room enfolding even more of his skin, the light illuminating his unspectacular, incurably scrawny body and all that covered it. He could already see Lucius’ eyes scanning it the way his own had always glued themselves to him. He hadn’t shown himself to him for a while now and this would be different, so much different than back in the French bays. “I don’t think you would… the scars…”</p><p>“You think too much,” Lucius groaned and ignored his remark.</p><p>Severus didn’t protest, feeling like he’d already lost that battle, if it had even been one. His robe and the thin shirt beneath it came apart under Lucius’ hands. Severus looked at him, terrified of what he’d see on his chiselled face, but Lucius only smiled warmly. Ringed fingers traced the gash that climbed from the side of his thighs. “I know this one, I healed it… Tell me if this bothers you,” he added, fingertips skipping to the parallel scars on Severus’ waist. Pausing for a moment, he shifted to lie down at his side. “I think I’m going to undress as well. And, though I can’t believe I’m the one to say that… but I also think we should stop at that…”</p><p>“What?” The question sounded pathetic to his own ears, but he couldn’t help voicing it. He didn’t understand – after all Lucius had seemed not to mind the way he looked, naked on the dark green bedsheets, but even to admire it. Perhaps he had misinterpreted it, somehow.</p><p>“You’ve made me too sober not to notice you’re hesitating. Which is probably for the better – that I see it. You keep hesitating.” Having taken off his own robe, Lucius threw it onto the pile of Severus’ clothes and then levitated it off the bed. His ivory back twisted as he put his wand away, revealing another mole, one Severus didn’t remember. The pillow creased with the weight of the silver handle. “If that’s how it’s going to be, then at least you ought to be sober,” Lucius stated. The seriousness of his tone contrasted with his still rather lewd expression. “I wouldn’t want you to do anything solely because you think I’d like you to.”</p><p>“But I want to—“ <em>‘please you’</em>, Severus didn’t say. That was exactly what Lucius had said he didn’t want him to try to do.</p><p>While he was avoiding Lucius’ gaze, a small container on the nightstand popped out to him. He took it into his hand and uncorked it. Judging by the texture of the salve inside, it was some sort of a lube. Yet another proof Lucius had it – <em>everything</em> – planned. Yet another proof Severus wasn’t special, being here; that he was a replacement for someone and that it could have – no, would have, been anyone else. Wanting to push those thoughts away, Severus dipped his fingers in it.</p><p>“Then, whatever it is, you’ll want that tomorrow as well,” Lucius retorted, having grown tired of his pause.</p><p>When Severus glanced at him, he was stretching on the bedcover with his eyes closed. His cock was a little hard already, exposed beneath the tangle of dark hair the same colour as his brows were. The muscles of Lucius’ stomach tensed and then relaxed again, shown off for the sake of their sole viewer. Severus put his hand between his thighs, careful not irritate the bruise on his left leg. His member was wider, thicker than his own, and soft-skinned in the grip of his fingers.</p><p>“Ohhh—don’t do me like that…” Lucius’ eyes flew open. Obediently, Severus lifted his hand. “Merlin, no, don’t leave me like this either—yess, a little—up—and—“ His breath hitched, not letting him finish the sentence. His fingers caged over Severus’, guiding them. It was different from the last time Severus did this to anyone but himself – felt less wrong. Perhaps that was due to how openly Lucius relished the touch. Blushed from arousal and not awkwardness, he moved to the rhythm of his strokes, seeking the friction.</p><p>Severus watched the precum drip down his fingers and continued up the length of him. After a moment, possessed by an idea that barely felt his own, he groped about for the still open vial. Without lifting the hand covering the smooth length of Lucius’ cock, he coated the fingers of his other one in the salve. This time he was more thorough with it. When Lucius’ hips lurched so he was able to do so, Severus pressed his finger to his anus, then – slid it inside it.</p><p>Lucius gasped. Severus let his finger circle around in him, bending it a little. As the tightness lessened, he added another. The sight of him was surreal. Pink in the face, with his mouth open and eyes closed, back arching when Severus twisted his fingers inside him, Lucius looked beautiful. He was that, even. His panting sped up, “—just—like—ohhh—“</p><p>Severus didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but, apparently, he was doing it right. The ringed hand was no longer guiding him, instead grasping at the sheets. Lucius’ other one curled around his bony knee, making each of his slight shivers travel through up to Severus’ spine.</p><p>“I’m clossse—Severussss—“ Lucius hissed out finally. He didn’t need to hear that, because that much he could tell, holding his prick in his hand. Yet, it was blissful to. Lucius’ voice was breathy and the way he uttered his name let him feel like he’d belonged to him.</p><p>The orgasm surged through him and Severus watched it play out, blocking the way his own body reacted to it best he could. Lucius spilled over his hand and wrist, over the bedcover and his own legs with muscles tensed like the strings of a piano. His fingers curled around Severus’ forearm now, as if to ensure he wouldn’t withdraw it too soon. They needn’t have – he stared at him in awe and would preferably make it, make him, last like this, blushed and ecstatic, forever. The signet ring dug dip into his skin and then its pressure disappeared. Lucius looked at him, seeming… satiated? Tentatively, Severus slid his fingers out of him and then let go of his now soft member.</p><p>“Oh damn you,” Lucius said, still heavily, sliding deeper onto the bed and reaching for his wand. He cleaned around them, again with the disconcerting aptness of someone who had done it a million times. The tingling of his spell spread through Severus’ fingers. “Although, if that was supposed to convince me, then it was counterproductive,” he added after that pause, getting up from the bed. His voice was steadier already. “Now I might be able to actually sleep next to you. Because that’s what we’ll be doing once I’m back – and this is not up for discussion.”</p><p>Before Severus could have asked where he was going, Lucius was already standing. Walking in a manner that made Severus regret having shown any doubts earlier, he disappeared into the adjacent room. It was the bathroom, Severus assumed.</p><p>Left stranded, he burrowed himself beneath the duvet. It was too warm for this weather, but looking at Lucius’ naked body had made him want to hide his own, at all cost. He must have been close to falling asleep, because next thing he remembered was the duvet lifting off him.</p><p>“It might be light, but I’m not letting you sleep under that. Not in this heat,” Lucius said somewhere above him, letting the suddenly cool-seeming air bite Severus’ skin.</p><p>Severus opened his eyes, but the room had become dark and nearly impenetrable. He heard Lucius shuffle around him, the rustle of fabric and the sound of steps. Then, the mattress caved in a little. He flinched at the touch on his back, but Lucius moved still closer to him, wrapping his arm around Severus’ chest. His skin was warm and he no longer smelled of perfume and wine, having replaced them with the scent of high-end soap. Severus stopped shivering, though his gooseflesh did not disappear.</p><p>“This will be enough,” Lucius whispered to his ear, as he covered them both with two layers. The first one, Severus realised, was of his silky bathrobe. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”</p><p>“Goodnight,” Severus replied, too sleepy to argue with the stupid endearment. He drew his breath in sharply when Lucius’ thigh moved against his so that his cock touched his arse, but Lucius had only wanted to hold him. The amount of skin-to-skin contact unsettled him, but it was warm and it was Lucius. He fell asleep thinking he could get used to that – being held.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. July 1984, the morning after</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> How many chapters in a row will take place during the same 24hrs? Hex me if I know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The heat weighed the air down, parching his throat and scorching his lungs. That woke him up, letting him find himself tangled around Severus.</p><p>Although the potion from him was nothing less than a panacea for hangover, it hadn’t prevented the stuffiness of the room from building up Lucius’ thirst. He took his hand off Severus’ pointed shoulder blade and reached to the side, groping around the nightstand without fully opening his eyes. His fingers met a cool, glassy surface before they had found a wand. Having propped himself up against the pillows, he lifted the glass. As he drank and the last clouds of his sleepiness evaporated, he noted the curtains had been viciously pulled apart. The culprit was probably the same elf responsible for bringing the water in. Lucius was in spirits too good to wonder which one it had been, though he promised himself to hold it accountable for its stupidity later.</p><p>After a few refreshing sips, he put the glass away and shifted to fix the blanket that had slid off them both. Severus was lying curled up, with his legs bent towards the window. The rays glided over his face, creating a mosaic of leaves’ shadows. Fortunately, they failed to disturb him sleeping. Blissfully unaware his scars and fragile build were showing, he wasn’t hiding himself under his layered robes now. They all lay discarded, folded on the armchair by the fireplace. The rumpled covers had piled up over his feet, which peeked from beneath, as delicate as his hands were. Lucius pulled the blanket back over him solely because his skin had bloomed with gooseflesh despite the warmth of the room. Still, he stopped around his chest, leaving his shoulders bare. As his hand retreated, he traced the scar high up on Severus’ right arm. Lower down his forearm, another one twisted between his veins like an albino snake. It looked fresher, pink rather than white. Lucius was going to have to talk to him about this, it seemed; but not today, definitely not today.</p><p>The touch made Severus sigh, if not quite consciously. Lucius glanced at his face, neither typically dour nor blank, but with the smallest of smiles lifting the corners of his lips. He only faintly remembered how Severus looked those few hours ago, dazed and with a chaotic storm of emotion sweeping through his face. The sobering potion had one small disadvantage to it – it wiped some of one’s memory for the short period between drinking it and regaining sobriety. Not nearly in as humiliating a manner as alcohol alone could, but thoroughly if the drunkenness itself had been measurable. However, maybe he could refresh his memory now…</p><p>He shot a look at the clock. Its longer hand was just moving silently onto five; Lucius valued it for the lack of ticking. Almost half past eleven, then. His gaze travelled to Severus once more and then he moved over, settling closer to him.</p><p>As far as gentle wake-up calls went, Lucius aimed to rival the sunlight rather than the hotness it had created. Only, unlike both of those in Severus’ case, he was going to succeed. He bent to him and ran his fingers along the streams of black hair pouring down the cliffs of his skull. Albeit they couldn’t have been strategically placed, the strands spread over exactly the parts of his face Severus would hide when awake. His eyes, for instance, were partly covered, giving a simple explanation as to why the sun hadn’t disturbed him much. Hiding – always, unnecessarily, hiding. Lucius bared the scar on Severus temple that stretched into his scalp and kissed it wherever it wasn’t naturally concealed. He trailed down the Roman nose of his, touched its bridge with his own when he leaned in, tapped its tip with his fingers.</p><p>Moving on to his cheek, he pecked it right below its cutting slant. Severus made a soft, quiet sound again, though it too had escaped him through sleep. Lucius caressed him along the lines of his brows, neatening them a tad. The coolness of fingertips around his eyes had made Severus move a little, so that his hand slid from beneath his head. Lucius traced the streams of veins bending on his eyelids for a moment, before kissing them. He felt Severus’ warm breath issue from his parted lips and envelop his skin. Then, a stinging pain shot through his cheek. Before he could think to do so, Lucius had recoiled. His hand, which had been roaming Severus’ chest below the covers, threw them off him in an instinctive jolt.</p><p>Severus’ eyes had flown open, wide while he took in what had happened. “Fuck,” he said instead of a good morning, as his hand fell limply back onto the sheets. He pulled the blanket back in a barely conscious gesture of covering himself. Well, <em>of course</em>.</p><p>Lucius was still sitting close enough to him to notice how tense he’d gotten. It wasn’t so much a fight or flight reaction as it was both at the same time.</p><p>Quickly, Severus shifted over the pillows until their faces were on the same level. He was squinting at the sunlight with quite the pained wince, but when their eyes met, it softened a little. “Lucius?” he whispered, sounding incredulous.</p><p>“Yes, I am,” Lucius replied without stopping in massaging his aching cheek. “Good bloody morning to you as well, Severus.”</p><p>Severus closed his eyes with a heavy sigh and raised his hand to his temple. “I am sorry I hit you.”</p><p>“I shouldn’t have woken you up just yet, I see now. Well, no matter now. There’s water at your bedside, I assume you might be thirsty.” Having assessed the swat from before wouldn’t leave a mark, Lucius reached for his wand.</p><p>Immediately after he’d mentioned it, Severus twisted towards the nightstand. Faster than him, Lucius levitated the glass into his open palm, exactly the one that had just hit him. Severus drank the water greedily. The glass filled itself up again when he emptied it, connected with the kitchens through a charm.</p><p>“Enough or you’ll make the nausea worse,” Lucius admonished once Severus had finished it the second time. His spell took it right out of Severus’ grip before another portion could plop into it. “You are, of course, welcome to stay here as long as you want, but definitely not welcome to puke in my presence – or on my bedsheets, Salazar forbid. And well, you should probably sleep through it... I suppose it shouldn’t be impossible for you to fall back asleep once the curtains are closed.”</p><p>“I can stay…” Severus echoed, when the glass clinked against the wood. This time the question mark at the end was almost imperceptible, yet Lucius heard it, clear and tentative.</p><p>“Were you expecting me to cast you out? Why of course you can stay – I don’t usually throw my friends out of the manor, and definitely not when they’re this hangover.”</p><p>“Friends,” Severus repeated as bitterly as though that word alone weighed upon his temples.</p><p>“Well Severus, you are, first and foremost, a friend of mine. We could think about something else than that, but it’s a little early to tell.” The curtains drew themselves with a rumble and Severus grimaced at the noise, clenching his eyes so that the skin around them wrinkled. Darkness swallowed the room, thick enough for his face to disappear in it. Lucius continued speaking in the direction of where he had vanished, “Besides, while I don’t throw my friends out without solid reasons, I do sometimes throw my lovers out, if you’re curious. Especially ones who do what you just did.”</p><p>“Refuse you?”</p><p>“What? No. Slap me across the face.” Briefly, Lucius wondered why he’d doubt him in such a manner. An echo of a similar sentiment from last night arose in him, but he disregarded it with the assurance of a sober man. He wouldn’t have done anything that could hurt him, whether Severus believed so or not. He’d hurt Severus once, unwittingly – on the matter of that mudblood he’d liked so much, and he aimed to never repeat such an error.</p><p>“That was unintentional,” Severus cleared up.</p><p>“The hit or the accusation?” Lucius inquired with a hint of irony. “Because you do a lot of the former for someone who presumably likes the way my face looks un-broken.”</p><p>“…Both.” Severus hung his head, making shadows spread onto his face with a curtain of hair. “Frankly, I feel like I am not sufficiently drunk at the moment.”</p><p>“Not enough for you when you’re sober, huh?” Lucius bantered and then backed down at the sight of Severus’ start. “No, for the love of Slytherin, don’t try to explain yourself – I know what you meant. And quite the opposite, I think you are, or rather have been, drunk way over ‘sufficiently’. Speaking of which—“ Lucius clicked his fingers three times in a row. “Whatever we have for hangover in Cissy’s storage,” he ordered the elf as soon as he heard the pop of apparition. The creature left and he added, “It won’t be half as effective as yours, but it may help. And don’t worry about the elf, if you are – they’re all forbidden to so much as wonder about <em>my private guests</em>.”</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Severus grunted out and the rustle of fabric told Lucius he’d fallen deeper into the pillows.</p><p>A moment later, the elf came back and Lucius gestured to it, indicating Severus. The potion-filled goblet was left on the nightstand next to him. Having scrambled up from his position, Severus drank it whole. At the end, he gave a muffled burp. A muttered, “Fuck,” followed shortly, preceding another needless, “Sorry,” only by seconds. Lucius stifled a snort of laughter at his embarrassment, deciding not to kick him when he was down. He didn’t have to see him well to know he was blushing.</p><p>Poor Severus. However, he should have listened to him when Lucius was suggesting they share the potion. Yes, he was quite sure he had said something like that. As if to confirm he had done so and that the mistake taught him something, Severus acknowledged, “You are right again. I do need to sleep.” The shadows in his part of the bed lied down with him.</p><p>“I wholeheartedly agree. May I wake you up with what I’ve previously intended to ask you about?” Lucius chanced, putting his hand on Severus’ leg.</p><p>He let it slide up the creased fabric over his thigh, but it had been there for less than two seconds when Severus said, sharply, “No!” He must have realised he had snapped, because he corrected himself in a milder voice, “No. I would rather you didn’t do that.” Lucius’ hand was already down on his knee, but then he heard him continue, “Touch me. At all.” </p><p>“Oh.” Lucius took his hand back and wondered, “So you want to stay in my bed, with me, but don’t want me to touch you?”</p><p>Severus had prodded himself up a little and he could see him nodding now, his face not as pale as it should be, but even still suffused with the grey imitation of pink.</p><p>“Morgana, are you difficult... But don’t worry, I am, in fact, an enthusiast of difficult,” he jumped to assurances upon Severus’ nervous-looking shifting. “However, I’m going to have to haggle. Would you be fine with light touches? Wouldn’t call them platonic, but bordering on it…”</p><p>“Such as?” Severus said, his voice dropping low.</p><p>Lucius laid at his side, close enough to properly look at his face and brushed the unruly brooks of ink off it. “That?” Encouraged by the lack of twitching, he inclined his head so that it rested against Severus’ shoulder. Lucius couldn’t see him now, but he hadn’t gotten rigid under his touch; clearly a good sign. “Or this?” He put his arm over his waist. “I mean, I’m not going to sleep here next to you now, but in general—”</p><p>“They’re fine…”</p><p>“And a kiss, for when I wake you up?” Lucius pressed his luck and let his fingers find Severus’ lips, as a foretoken almost.</p><p>“Yes,” Severus breathed against his skin.</p><p>“Sleep well, then.” Lucius whispered to him before untangling himself from around him and slinking away to the bathroom. He had a good few hours at his disposal until he’d dare wake Severus up again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. July 1984, the afternoon after</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> Hanging on to the time-continuity still. And to the smut, that too.<br/>
Also, the Malfoys both secretly read literature Severus would consider 'trashy' and no one will convince me otherwise. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ultimately, he went on with his day as usual, letting Severus sleep through it without further disruptions. He’d considered waking him up for dinner, but then concluded Eunice would ask about his continued presence in the manor. Answering such a question would be tricky for everyone involved, Lucius presumed. Therefore, instead – a plate, kept warm by a stasis spell, was waiting for Severus on an étagère by the fireplace.</p><p>Lucius was already back in the bedroom for the night, reading a contemporary mystery book borrowed from Cissy, when Severus woke up on his own. As he’d promised earlier, Lucius kissed him good morning – or evening, more like. Without exchanging many words after that, Severus raised from the bed. Understandably, he wanted to brush up.</p><p>Left alone in the room, Lucius got halfway through the second chapter, where the protagonist found another body discarded on the river shore. She was just casting a Prior Incantato on the broken wand laying by the wizard’s corpse when the door to the bathroom opened. Lucius’ gaze travelled up from the pages. Dressed in the black bathrobe previously prepared for him and with his hair neatened, Severus looked fairly refreshed now. And was that a smirk Lucius saw flicker through his face when he approached the bed? Yes, it seemed to be that, and a salacious one.</p><p>Severus gazed at him much the same way Lee would when he’d noticed a pheasant – with pure avidity. Lucius grinned, moving on the bed to reach him from it. Severus walked up to the edge of it, silent and not taking his eyes off him. When he got close enough, Lucius stretched a leg his way to stop him in his tracks. His foot pressed against Severus’ chest, he bantered, “Who told you I’m going to let you back in here, huh?”</p><p>“Would be very inhospitable of you not to,” Severus said slowly, as his hand curled around Lucius’ ankle.</p><p>Apparently, he didn’t have anything against touch, now or perhaps at all, as long as he was initiating it. He caressed Lucius along his calf, cold fingers titillating on his skin. Without stopping in trailing lines on it, Severus bent his leg, so that he could step even closer to him. Lucius tilted his head to the side and his own hair tickled his neck and shoulders. Severus’ fingers reached underneath his bathrobe and Lucius parted his lips, letting out a soft moan. He was overplaying it, of course – although the wait itself was making him hard, he wasn’t that excited. However, the theatrics paid off. Severus’ breath hitched ever so slightly, though his face remained frozen with only a shadow of an askew smile on it. Lucius lowered his gaze, but there was no change to the bulge between Severus’ thighs. The man had an impressive restraint when he was actually in control of himself. Hopefully, that wouldn’t last for long.</p><p>“I take you are still interested in touching me. And vice versa,” Severus stated rather than asked. He let go of his leg, laying it carefully onto the sheets.</p><p>“Very much so.” Lucius put his book further away to the side, so that if would fall off the bed if they needed more space on it. “However – since you weren’t, before, are you quite sure you know what you’re doing?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Lucius shifted, sliding deeper onto the bed while Severus joined him on it. “I haven’t pressured you into it, have I? And if you change your mind, you’re going to tell me?”</p><p>“You have not and yes.” Severus rolled his eyes. A small frown formed on his forehead – his uniquely condescending one, and Merlin, Lucius liked it way too much. “Remind me, which one of us is the frightened virgin again?”</p><p>“Neither, it seems.” Lucius pulled him by the belt of his bathrobe. Unlike his own, Severus’ was tied, snug around his middle. Severus was thrown off his balance, but then steadied himself above him, his head at the level of Lucius’ chest. The belt came apart at his yank, allowing skin to peek out pale beneath the fabric. He smelled of Lucius’ very own soap, which ineptly masked the more herbal, smoky, scent of him. “And besides, I don’t think you qualify for that etiquette anymore,” Lucius added, inexplicably aroused by that thought.</p><p>“You tell me,” Severus said softly, leaning in to him. His lips touched Lucius’ nipple and he kissed it with deliberation. That then turned into a line of pecks leading upwards, which Lucius finally disrupted by nipping at his ear.</p><p>Having gotten the hint, Severus reached for his wand and summoned the lube container. He cast the spell Lucius would usually perform for protection. Clearly, he was a fast learner in this area as well. Despite feeling fairly clean, Lucius suggested another one to him and only then let him uncork the bottle. Severus’ robe slid off his shoulders with the movement, and the faint candlelight danced in shadows between his scars. Lucius had little time to admire the sight, since then Severus hovered over him again, brushing away the skirts of silk to the side before he reached to his groin.</p><p>“I don’t recall agreeing to you being over me, either,” Lucius admonished and maybe his voice wasn’t as steady as he’d prefer it.</p><p>Severus didn’t seem to have the same problem; not yet, at least. “Consider this my asking,” he said steadily, while his fingers curled around Lucius’ dick.</p><p>“Ohhh—“</p><p>“Was that a yes?”</p><p>“Yes – yes, Severus,” he breathed, asking himself whether Severus would repeat what he faintly remembered best from those few hours ago. He wasn’t left to wonder for long, as in a moment he felt Severus’ recoated his fingers prodding at his opening. “If you need hints—“</p><p>“I’ll try to do without,” Severus declared, though he did turn out to need them. Lucius helped him put the pillows behind his own back. Once he was properly positioned, the pressure of Severus’ fingers returned. He gasped when the second one slid inside him, bending and twisting slowly. His other hand wasn’t touching Lucius’ cock anymore but had come to rest splayed on his chest, frigid against the rising heat of his skin. It began circling his nipples, short nails scratching around their aureoles; gentle at first and more decisive after Lucius sighed, trying to encourage that. </p><p>The fingers filling him moved searchingly. Once again, he praised Severus’ interest in anatomy when he easily found the point that made brightness blind his eyes. His fingers retreated from it only to coil around inside him some more before a third one joined them, burrowed up to the second knuckle. Severus was in no hurry, apparently. The movement of his fingers was persistent and gratuitously methodical. However, as Lucius noted with pleasure, only scraps of his composure remained. He was flushed and his breaths were coming out as erratically as though he was the one writhing on the sheets. His eyes, fixed on Lucius’ face, would meet his every time he opened them.</p><p>Another bolt of lighting tore through Lucius and his hips bucked up. He was using every ounce of his thinly running patience not to finish this off himself without waiting a second more. “On Salazar, don’t tease me. Fuck me,” he demanded finally.</p><p>Severus listened to him. Good.</p><p>The slender fingers bent inside him once more, though now without triggering the tender spot, and then slid out, all three. Severus felt around for the container, but Lucius beat him to it. When he moved up towards him, Lucius reached to his dick, hard now. He stroked him along his length, spreading the lubricant with thoroughness. Severus let out a trembling, little sound and Lucius removed his hand from his skin to graze his thigh instead. He didn’t want him to come too soon, after all.</p><p>Severus grabbed his leg and Lucius assisted him in it again. Although thin, his arms were undeniably strong, their muscles now protruding against the skin of Lucius’ thigh. He felt the tip of his cock pressing against his opening. It took a lot of him not to move towards it, but he wanted to let Severus set the pace. He could be patient, had to, even. Severus pushed into him, excruciatingly slowly, clearly cautious whether his size wouldn’t be too much; too cautious.</p><p>“Harder,” Lucius groaned rather than said.</p><p>Considerately, Severus pulled out and thrust in him again, more assured this time. His hands were roaming Severus’ chest, brushing against the thin black hairs riddling it. Then, he brought them up towards his neck, right below where the blush suffused it. He was raising his hips to each of his thrusts. Feeling as though something was lacking, he realised through the haze of lust that Severus wasn’t touching him but for the obvious. He mobilised himself to speak and requested, “I want both your hands where I can feel them – not on the damned – headboard.”</p><p>“A little demanding for a man… in your position… aren’t you?” Severus asked him in return, his voice roughly sweet.</p><p>“I’m glad – you’re getting over—“ <em>‘your shyness. Just if you could do that not only in words,’ </em>he’d intended to say, but didn’t get to finish. So bloody obediently, Severus took his dick into his hand. “And I tend to be… oh…” He broke off again, as another thrust sent lighting through him. “…demanding…”</p><p>Their rhythm grew more rapid and Lucius felt himself leak. His fingers now devilishly fondling Lucius’ balls, Severus pushed deep into him, angling himself so that he struck the point in him time after time until the wave of an orgasm took Lucius. With some incoherent exclamation, he gripped Severus’ body and fell over the edge. It baffled him Severus wasn’t the first to come; almost felt like a jeer on his own self-possession, actually. Against the contracted muscles of his arching back, Lucius leaned up and licked the sensitive tissue of the scar on Severus’ arm. He loved the way Severus shivered, how his hand trembled on his shoulder, how he gasped when his tongue touched the scar again. This set him off. Severus came in him, pulsing, filling him with his seed before the entirety of Lucius’ pleasure had washed off him. Lucius pulled his head to himself, busying his mouth with a kiss, so that the moans he let out vibrated through his whole body.</p><p>Severus drew away from his lips panting, his terraced ribcage heaving. He rode out the very last wave of his shuddering climax and then slid out of him almost reluctantly, leaving some of his cum dripping down Lucius’ thigh. Satisfied, Lucius sank into the pillows. Their silk swallowed him, like balm on his tender skin.</p><p>He watched Severus, who was stuck in an odd position between lying down and sitting, endearingly awkward, Lucius’ sperm still on his hand and stomach. Severus glanced back gingerly, as though his confidence had melted away with the finish. The way he was looking at him had changed – the layer of hunger had fallen off and now the dark oceans of his eyes were just dazzled. His gaze was sweeping through Lucius’ face and body as though he were the most picturesque thing he’d ever seen. Salazar, Lucius couldn’t have been luckier to have forgotten William’s name yesterday. He preened in the shine of that admiration and smiled at him. Upon the inviting tilt of his head, Severus lied down by his side.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. August 1984</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Vacations’ now comprised of indulging in things they were simultaneously drawn to and disgusted with themselves by. For Severus it was being with a man, or the man – the one whose whole bodyweight rested on him while he reached for the bottle standing by the other side of the bed. For Lucius – muggle fizzy drinks.</p><p>Having grabbed the bottle, Lucius lifted his elbow from his stomach and Severus grunted with relief. Lucius leaned away to sit on the bed, tucking his legs underneath him. Morning gleam wrapped him as he smiled jadedly to himself, squinting against its brightness. He looked resplendent – Severus noted for the hundredth time. Right now, he was also unbelievably effortless in that. It fit him better, this lack of costly elegance and the masks he wore in the open.</p><p>Severus’ eyes glued themselves to the sight, avid and out of his control. Sometimes, he debated with himself whether it wasn’t a supressed wish to be anything like him, rather than with him, that bound him to Lucius. Fortunately, Lucius seemed to know what he wanted better than he did himself. All Severus had to do was to let himself be led by him.</p><p>He did need a guide to lead him through the world Lucius lived in. He had always had. Now, however, he was immeasurably closer to it. It had been a shocking twist that Lucius insisted on dragging him into its depths. Severus failed to recall him ever doing that towards any of <em>the others</em>. But then again, those hardly needed that, usually already as immersed in it as Lucius himself was. Severus was not. Moreover, he had no wish to change that. Thus, he stayed on the sidelines, letting Lucius spend the holiday on slaloming. His slaloms snaked between wasting time, wasting money and wasting spit on sweet-talking important people. Too often, those who weren’t worth a broken knut in Severus’ eyes looked like literal galleons in Lucius’. He played them like he played chess – distractedly and draining impressive amounts of wine meanwhile. At this, however, he was by far more proficient and, unlike in chess with Severus, he was winning.</p><p>Even for today, he had a dinner prearranged with his distant kin. It wasn’t until the man had become a candidate for the French Minister for Magic that Lucius decided to renew their bond. Yet another part of his “restoring and increasing” the honour of the Malfoy name. Since he wasn’t avoiding Lucius anymore, this tiring ordeal had begun to affect Severus. While he could admire the dedication, Lucius’ means to achieve his goals were more than bothersome.  Especially whenever they involved him being left alone to question what in hell he was doing here – or with Lucius.</p><p>They were staying at a new house by the seaside. Severus felt painfully out of place, trapped between the white, gold-incrusted walls. The ridiculousness of him waking up next to Lucius on the silk sheets was cutting him through painful awareness. One of these days, he expected to choke on the scents of flowers, wine and Lucius’ expensive fragrances. Yet Lucius was, of course, the only reason he was here and, despite the harboured doubts, wanted to be here.</p><p>Now, Lucius tilted his head back, dishevelled hair sliding down his shoulders and chest. Already licked by the sun in the past few days, his bare skin glistened with a light tan. Continuing his little ritual, he arched his back and opened the bottle with a hiss. Eyes half-closed, he took a long gulp. His neck twitched minimally underneath the stubble. He glanced through the window, at the sea, then put the bottle back between his legs only to lift it again a second later. Finally, he corked it and opened his eyes fully. They measured the room, sleepy and warm, as if the calculating coldness in him hadn’t woken up yet.</p><p>“Want some?” he asked, noticing he was being observed.</p><p>Severus shook his head.</p><p>Lucius clicked his tongue, tasting the liquid that had long since been swallowed. “Merlin, it’s horrible the way this thing sticks to your teeth.” A displeased grimace deepened the arch of his lips. “I swear the muggles can’t do one thing correctly,” he complained, putting the bottle away.</p><p>“Then stop drinking it,” Severus suggested, raising a lazy brow.</p><p>“But it tastes good.” Ah, the enchanting simplicity of Lucius’ decision-making, where in the end it was always sensation over reason, even if he made it seem like the opposite.</p><p>“Then at least don’t whine about it.”</p><p>“Why so, when my complaints are warranted?” Lucius moved to the head of the bed. He sank into the pillows and looked at him sideways. “And, moreover, I want to,” he added the airtight argument, draping his arm over Severus’ chest.</p><p>“You are unbearable,” Severus said in a yawn.</p><p>“Maybe. Though if so, it must be a part of my appeal.” Lucius winked at him before sliding down and burrowing his head in the crook of Severus’ neck.</p><p>Severus felt his lips on his collarbone, gentle as they always were at first. “Unbearable, I say. Like a thirty-year-old teen,” he managed steadily.</p><p>Lucius unlatched his mouth from his skin. “Or it’s you who’s old.” He licked his lips, the steel of his eyes aimed at Severus challengingly. “And excuse you – if anyone asks, I am still in my early twenties...” Barely letting him finish the thought, Severus pulled him towards himself. If the pressure of teeth grazing his neck a second later was anything to base judgements on, he was going to get bruised for it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bit of a 'newsflash, Lucius is hot' chapter, and short, though I might add another tomorrow if I'm lucky like that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. February 1985</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> Well I wasn't lucky, was I? But here it goes.</p><p> On plot-related stuff: The Manor’s dogs are all called fairly popular muggle names. How did it happen so? Well, Lucius is the king of performative hate. The man who thinks muggles so lowly he muggle-fights Arthur Weasley wouldn’t go to lengths to prove he hates them? I think not. Anyway, on that note – it’s performative disregard here, though for another set of reasons. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The portal in his study activated, pulling Lucius away from the letter he was writing. Perplexed, he turned to see who it was. His girls shouldn’t be bothering him now, since he had told them both he was busy.</p><p>Indeed, it was neither of them. Instead, he saw the characteristic flurry of black robes, as they churned the ash up in a cloud and then settled on the arriving man. Leaning down to avoid hitting himself on the head, Severus emerged out of the fireplace.</p><p>“Oh, look who deigned to grace us with his presence,” Lucius said to his owl, who was sitting in her cage, awaiting her duty later. She hooted loudly, mirroring his chide. He put his quill away and turned to face his guest. “You should have told me in advance, Severus – I’m afraid I am a tad time-poor at the moment.”</p><p>“Fine,” Severus grumbled, retreating into the portal.</p><p>“No, for Merlin’s sake, I don’t mean to say you’re unwelcome. Simply wait while I finish this and then we can talk. Surely, another few minutes will not be a problem to you when added to the—“ He stopped to count the weeks in his head.</p><p>Severus used his pause to speak, “I was busy. The exams are coming up.”</p><p>“I don’t think they’re just so demanding you wouldn’t be able to spare me a day or two. May I remind you – I know perfectly how Hogwarts is doing, or rather – Cissy does.”</p><p>“I am here now.” Severus stuck his hands into the pockets of his robe. “Alright?”</p><p>“No, it quite clearly isn’t,” Lucius disagreed, abandoning the hope of returning to his task. He got up from his chair and walked up to Severus, who was still standing awkwardly on the edge of the fireplace, neither in nor out. “What’s wrong? You may have figured, but I don’t particularly enjoy being left alone, and the manor can get lonely in winter... So, I would think I at the very least deserve to hear a ‘why’ better than blaming it on your work.”</p><p>“Don’t act as if whether I come here or not has the power to affect you.” Severus looked up at him, the lines of his face solemn. One vein drew itself on his forehead, a surging brook of blood. “…I have neither that nor you – do I?”</p><p>“What do you—“</p><p>“Or I suppose it is you, who has people. Whoever that might be at a time.”</p><p>“Oh… so that’s it?” Lucius interrupted him, genuinely amused. When he sniggered, the redness of anger began creeping into Severus’ cheeks. “Oh, Severus…” He shook his head with disbelief at his obliviousness and the, so wrongly channelled, affection. “—you’re jealous.” As he had predicted, Severus nearly jumped at that remark, and yet – he didn’t correct him. “I like that you’re jealous,” Lucius added, stepping closer to him.</p><p>“<strong>You </strong>like it,” Severus placed a trenchant accent on the word. It almost sounded offensive, when articulated this way, with nothing short of a sneer twisting his features. “But it does not get through to you that I do not.”</p><p>“For the record – it did ‘get through’ to me, Severus.” Lucius waved his hand, putting all the irritation that slight had evoked into the gesture. “I can be quite observant if I care enough to look... And I am not fucking other people at the moment, or well – anymore. If you wanted to know that so badly, you should have just asked.”</p><p>Severus scoffed, though blushing fiercely. “How am I supposed to believe that?”</p><p>“Because I have just sincerely told you, of course,” Lucius provided. It hurt a surprising amount, when Severus narrowed his eyes as if that was the most ridiculous argument he had ever heard. “Could you please trust me in the ‘matters of the heart’? Or cock, more appropriately in this case,” he amended, once again adding a lighter hue of abashment to Severus’ angry flush. “Well, I can tell you how – in more detail, if that’ll help you <em>in </em><em>any manner</em> – because I guessed it was important to you and I was bored with Enfield anyway. Then, however, so very unlike myself, I have not sought to replace him with anyone else. And would you like to know why?”</p><p>Severus’ hand was now curled into a fist at his side and Lucius reached for it, cuffing the thin wrist between his fingers. He lifted it to his lips and as he kissed the rough, frost-bitten or perhaps potions-burnt skin of Severus’ knuckles, the fist slowly loosened. “—Because I have you. And you’re enough,” he whispered, pressing the words down with his breath.</p><p>On that, Severus met his eyes with urgency. “I am going to bore you too,” he stated matter-of-factly, tearing his hand away from him. “I am a very boring man, Lucius.”</p><p>Lucius caught him by the wrist before he could recoil any further. “You are,” he admitted breezily, “you can be, at least. But I am rather partial to your brand of boring.”</p><p>Severus’ arm had jerked upwards as if to fold on his chest, but Lucius did not let go of it. The black eyes bore through him pointedly, too intensely by far. Lucius recognised his attempt to legilimense his way into his mind, but stared back, as one would into flaming embers. “If you want to check whether or not I am telling you the truth, ask me nicely. Although I don’t quite see why I should let you, when you don’t trust me in the slightest without that.” He averted his gaze, abruptly realising he wasn’t going to be able to counter Severus’ magic for long. Resigned to shooting only brief glances at him, he went on, “And I don’t just mean – in this case, Severus. I trust you. Whereas you… you don’t trust me with anything of substance, even in matters where I have not given you a single reason to doubt me.”</p><p>Severus twisted his hand in Lucius’ grip, so that their fingers intertwined. “I do. Trust you. I forgave you,” he reminded. There was no reproach in his voice, just the significance of that phrase. “But I can’t bring myself to believe you. Not with this.”</p><p>“Alright,” Lucius yielded, grabbing his other arm so that he would look straight at him. “You are difficult, you realise?” he remarked before the world began vanishing from his sight, replaced by the darkness pouring out of Severus’ irises.</p><p>“—thought you liked that. Difficult and boring now, is it?” The soft murmur reached him from the slowly disappearing room.</p><p>The pressure of a hand in his melted away and Lucius was back in his study, which was now bright with the sun reflected off the snow outside. “William? What could he possibly want with me?”</p><p>“How could I know, darling?” Narcissa’s lips quirked up. Clearly, she did know. “I acted out the mildly confused wife for you and you owe me for it. So, in case you’re wondering who’s going to take care of finding Eunice a new governess when this one takes her pregnancy leave, that will not be me.”</p><p>After a moment of their typical back-and-forth, Lucius picked up a pinch of Floo powder into his fingers and entered the portal, naming the drawing room she had told him Enfield was waiting in.</p><p>“You owled me!” he heard yelled at him as soon as he landed there. “You didn’t even have the guts to tell me yourself, you—“</p><p>“I believe I owled you to let you know I do not wish to uphold any contact with you – thus, I don’t quite understand what you’re doing in my house.”</p><p>“I’ve only come to ask you something,” Enfield said, looking at him fiercely. His robe matched well with the upholstery of the couch he had just gotten up from and Lucius wondered if that had been an unconscious slip. “Namely – whether or not you’d like people to know?”</p><p>“Know what, love?”</p><p>“Love? As if you understood the word… Whether you’d like them to know of your <em>inclinations</em>, of course.”</p><p>Lucius snorted. “Pardon me… Just… Is that your attempt at revenge or at winning me back? Because I could use a mix of both, if you dare,” he teased, walking up to him. In that moment, he wanted to provoke him, and he now realised this wasn’t the best proof of his faithfulness or attachment to his lovers to be showing Severus. Nevertheless, it was a little late for that epiphany. “I’ll have you know, love,” he heard himself continue, “I am now solely using that endearment because, for the death of Slytherin, I keep forgetting your name. It’s far too plain and too muggle to stick with me, I’m afraid... Rather suitably, to be completely honest with you.”</p><p>“So I mean—meant nothing to you?” escaped Enfield. Evidently ashamed of it, he grabbed Lucius’ gesturing hand. Lucius still remembered the bruise-like tenderness that harsh grasp had left on him. “Anyhow, it wouldn’t be good to have people find out, would it? Your daddy would be horrified – same goes for your patrons and friends at the ministry… ‘Cause given the type of people you surround yourself with, I doubt many of them believe the Rayner-theory—“</p><p>“As such, they would suddenly condemn me because of my proclivities, you believe? You might be overestimating the power of disagreements about history,” Lucius drawled jeeringly. “Though tell me, what is it you want in return for not putting my reputation in such danger?” he inquired, tone still on the verge of mocking.</p><p>It did nothing to put the grain of insecurity into William’s mind, only enraged him more. The knuckles of his fist lightened, and Lucius had felt his other hand clutch itself around his forearm with the force of a grindylow’s jaw. “Firstly, I want to know, to properly hear, you coward, why you decided to discard me like that—“</p><p>“Well, isn’t that a little desperate…” Lucius interrupted him, an amused echo ringing in his tone. “And I don’t really think you’ve thought this through well enough, or that you are equipped to blackmail me, for that matter. Although I must say I appreciate your trying. But for all means, elaborate – what are you planning to do – show your memories publicly? Or just rely on the power of words?”</p><p>“Why would I tell you this? To help you prepare for it?”</p><p>Lucius smiled. “It doesn’t matter de toute façon, since you are not going to do it.”</p><p>“Quite the—“</p><p>“No, you will not,” Lucius tugged his hand out of Enfield’s grip and looked up to the taller man’s eyes with power, making William seem smaller. “Not unless you’d like me to requite you for it, which I do not suppose you would.”</p><p>“My family knows...”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t stoop that low, love... Well, I believe I can tell you, I don’t see why not, if you’re so eager to uncover your own cards. Your fa—or, to stick to your terminology, <em>daddy</em>,” Lucius relished the word, protracting it a little, “has bred a hybrid of magical plants without a permit. I even suspect your family still uses them in that odd, albeit promising, business of yours. Of course, were anyone at the Ministry to hear about that, the penalty wouldn’t be large... If I recall correctly, it’s roughly ten thousand galleons for the lack of licence if there are dangerous plants involved.” Blood drained from Enfield’s face as he calculated the, no doubt ruinous, impact that would have on what little funds they had at their disposal. “Pocket money when we’re speaking business. Nothing for you, I am sure,” Lucius twisted the metaphorical knife.</p><p>“…I… didn’t mean to…” William’s eyes widened as what was of anger in them turned into fear.</p><p>Quickly, Lucius lost all interest he had had in bantering with him. “Why, of course you did not…” He shook his head with disappointment. “I dearly apologise if I ever led you to overestimate my interest in you, but I would regret to have us part as enemies now. So, if you’d be so kind and keep my secrets to yourself, I think I could assist you in procuring that licence, provided I could profit off it, later. Absolutely platonically profit, may I add.” Lucius saw the playful glimmer in his own eyes in the mirror on Enfield’s right.</p><p>William did not share his joyfulness – serious, almost grim, he was watching him from beneath brown brows with mingled dread and suspicion.</p><p>“—We could do business together. One thing, especially once it’s in the past,” Lucius emphasized, “does not conflict with the other, as far as I’m—“ The place around him began melting back into a darker, candle-lit scenery, cutting his sentence off abruptly.</p><p>As the real world reinstated itself around him, he sensed that he was pinned to a wall, with Severus over him. Well, that was certainly a change and one for the better – switching the bland handsomeness of William’s for Severus’ statuesque harshness. Lips pursed into a thin line, he leaned in, piercing him with a gaze so wilful Lucius could not hold back a smile.</p><p>“You are aware I am nothing like that man, I hope,” Severus said in a low voice, close to his ear.</p><p>“You’re neither this peeving nor this foolish, yes, I’m aware. And you’re not a beggar, either. All qualities I value enough not to play with you like I admit I might have done with William.”</p><p>“I cannot stress that enough, but if you ever try to coerce me into anything in such a fashion—“ Severus added, letting Lucius’ imagination complete the sentence for him. It seemed deliberate, that. He retreated a tad to get a better look at him and his hair slipped to cover his face, casting uneven shadows on its side. “And if you like feeling threatened, Lucius, you should have just asked...” His fist was pressed into the tapestry right above Lucius’ arm and now moved, crushing a part of his shoulder-padding underneath it.</p><p>“You didn’t see it till the end… Aren’t you wondering what happened?” Lucius teased him. Oh, now the wish to provoke someone woke up in him again and Severus, apparently, was finding it as titillating as he was. “Why? Don’t you think I could have lied to you, expecting you wouldn’t be too thorough with you search?”</p><p>“You did not lie.”</p><p>Lucius grinned wider, ever happier for the unexpected certainty in Severus’ voice. “Correct. But what would you do if I had? Would Enfield even live through that?”</p><p>A hand slid onto Lucius’ nape, as cold as if the tapestry had revealed the stone underneath it. Severus’ fingers curled around his neck, thumb pressing in lightly at the bottom of his Adam’s apple. “Shouldn’t you rather worry what I’d do with you?”</p><p>“Oh, I am not worried,” Lucius said in a forced whisper since the fingers curled around his throat made it hard to speak any louder than that. Severus was biting his lip, draining the colour from it to pure whiteness under his teeth. Lucius licked his own, drying lips. “That, I think – you can show me.” It was a lucky coincidence the doors to his study were already closed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. July 1985</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> Some Eunice &amp; Severus dynamics. Therefore, a disclaimer that Draco's deadname (then - his current name) is used around in this chapter along with 'girl' and 'she/her' pronouns. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“E-l-i-s-e,” Eunice read the letters, then strung them together, “Elise.” Her keen, childishly doe eyes looked at him for approval.</p><p>Severus disliked the mispronunciation of the name but decided to ignore it. She only knew English and perhaps bits of French, knowing this household, so he chose to be forbearing. When he nodded, her gaze shifted back onto the first word. “F—“ she tried decoding it again and, again, got stuck on the second letter. This time, however, she decided to ask for help. “What’s that, uncle Sev? It looks like a ‘u’, but I saw a ‘u’ before. This is not a ‘u’.”</p><p>“No, it’s not.” Severus agreed, shuffling his chair away from the piano so that he didn’t have to twist his neck to see her. “It is a ‘u-umlaut’. A cousin of ‘u’, if you might. It is a letter of the German alphabet.”</p><p>“Oh!” She perked up. “Do you know I know where Germany is?”</p><p>“I did not know that.”</p><p>“It’s next to France!” She bragged with excitement and leaned away from the stand, the thought of reading the foreign word quickly forgotten. “And we have family there too! Mum telled me her cousins live there. Did you know that?”</p><p>“Mum ‘told’ you, if anything. And yes, actually, that I did. Now then, do you want to hear how to say that letter?”</p><p>“Yes, please tell me,” she said, coming up to him.</p><p>Severus crossed his arms on his chest, so in case she would have the preposterous idea to grab him by his sleeve for attention, she wouldn’t be able to. “You should enunciate it more as an ‘ee’. The correct pronunciation is ‘ü’. ‘Ü’.”</p><p>“Ü,” she repeated and, in the same breath, asked, “What does ‘enounciate’ mean?”</p><p>“Enunciate. Roughly the same thing ‘pronounce’ does. But it refers to the way you say the words, not necessarily how they should be uttered.”</p><p>“Uh, okay,” Eunice acknowledged, though he wasn’t sure she had understood. Already she had developed her parents’ ability to seem more worldly and knowledgeable than she actually was. If she had indeed not understood, she refrained from asking on about it. Instead, she bounced on the heels of her feet and then rose on tiptoe to get another look at the stand. “So… it says F-UE—“</p><p>“—Ü—”</p><p>“—Ü. F—Ü—R.”</p><p>“Exactly.” Upon hearing that, she landed with her soles fully on the floor, then put her hands on the waist of her dress, clearly proud of her accomplishment. “Für. This means ‘for’,” Severus explained.</p><p>“So it’s for Elise?”</p><p>“Yes. Für <em>Elise</em>,” he specified, unable to keep himself from saying it correctly.</p><p>Eunice tilted her head. “<em>Elise</em>? So not Elise?”</p><p>“Yes. German pronunciation again.” He wasn’t an expert on it, but wouldn’t let the child run around misinformed either.</p><p>“Who was she? <em>Elise?</em>” Eunice asked, starting to bounce again, this time probably out of surplus energy alone.</p><p>Severus bent to straighten the pages on the stand, ruffled by a sudden blow of wind coming from the corridor. “Allegedly, she was a student of Beethoven, the composer, but it is unclear which one. He had a few.”</p><p>“Is ‘allegedly’ the same as ‘people say something’?” Eunice ascertained, walking up closer yet to the stool.</p><p>“Correct,” Severus said with a nod.</p><p>Apparently taking his agreement on the lexical question for an invitation to sit by his side, Eunice slid onto the chair. “Can you teach me to play it?”</p><p>“What? No, I don’t really…” The stool was hardly wide enough for two people, even if one of them was a wispy kid, unless said two people were touching. Severus moved to the very edge to keep a space between them. “You should ask your father. He taught me how to play—“</p><p>“You?” Eunice looked at him, bewildered, hair flowing with the jerk of her head. “Dad gave you piano lessons, like I get from Mr. Dormer? When?”</p><p>“A while ago.” Severus heard Lucius’ steps heading towards the drawing room and almost sighed with relief. He did like the child, but she terrified him nonetheless. Her questions produced questions. At some point, she would always hit a layer that left him staring at her blankly, like when she randomly raised her head from above the, now twice refilled, pseudo-potioneering kit and asked him, “Do you love us, uncle Sev?”</p><p>He foresaw the direction of her little investigation correctly, as a second later Eunice said, still in a tone full of disbelief, “Why did he teach you?” She scooted over to his side, completely ignoring the purpose of the gap between them and nearly pushing him off the seat in the process. “You are very good. You don’t need teaching,” she added, putting her head against his chest and looking up at him. Against his reflex, Severus did not move.</p><p>Since <em>“Originally it was a part of him pitying me for my home situation,” </em>did not seem like a child-, or anyone else for that matter, appropriate answer, Severus shrugged. “I wasn’t always good at it. Had to learn it first.”</p><p>Thankfully, that sufficed to quell the kid’s interest, though she did not seem entirely convinced yet, knitting her brows with something akin to suspicion.</p><p>“It may be hard to believe it now, but he really wasn’t,” Lucius chimed in, striding inside after a levitated pile of papers. All concerning real estate, Severus presumed.</p><p>“Dad! You’re back, finally!” Eunice exclaimed and lifted her head from Severus’ side, but did not jump off the stool.</p><p>“Oh, have I really been that long?”</p><p>Eunice nodded fervently. “I wasn’t bored though,” she said, sending a glance at her ‘uncle’.</p><p>“Well, apologies for that. I received an urgent owl on my way,” Lucius gave his excuse while making the stacks of parchment land on the nearby coffee table.</p><p>“An owl? And you did-not call me?” His daughter asked with a shade of outrage on her bright face.</p><p>“By urgent I mean – it almost pecked me to the bone so that I’d take the letter quickly. I would have called you in otherwise, I promise.” Eunice countered Lucius’ apologetic glance with a small frown. Her father stretched his hand towards her, showing a reddened mark from a beak right above his thumb. “See? I could have lost my hand if I made it wait any longer,” he claimed, with a dramatic expression of pain on his face.</p><p>Eunice laughed. Severus smiled, making a mental note to ask Lucius later whether it was a ministerial owl that had attacked him, and if so – what was the issue this time.</p><p>Having come close to them already, Lucius leaned over to read the title on the note sheet. “I see you’ve changed the tune. What do you two have here? Ahhh, for Eunice, how nice…”</p><p>“It’s for <em>Elise</em>, dad!” Eunice protested, squirming in her seat and accidentally nudging Severus in the ribs. “Sorry uncle Sev,” she apologised after his grunt.</p><p>“It could very well be for Eunice, my heart,” Lucius argued, stepping back and putting a hand on her shoulder. “Maybe the composer just wrote the letters wrong—“</p><p>“No, he did-not,” she opposed resolutely. Then, looking for support, she turned to Severus. “Did he?”</p><p>“He did not. And even if, it would be ‘wrong’ as in ‘Elisabeth’ or ‘Therese’,” Severus provided, noting with appreciation the girl wasn’t disappointed by the news. Rather than that, she grinned with vindication. </p><p>“She was his student, <em>Elise.</em> I’m not his student, so he couldn’t have wrote it for me.” Eunice boasted her newly acquired knowledge. Severus wanted to interrupt to correct her grammar again, but there was no pause for him to fit a single word in. How Malfoyish of her. “Uncle Sev just agreed to teach me how to play it.”</p><p>“Oh, did he?” Lucius marvelled. Severus looked at him helplessly, shaking his head, but if Lucius got the message of that, he chose to ignore it. “I think that’s an excellent idea,” he deemed, shifting to stand behind them two and placing his free hand on Severus’ shoulder, as if for symmetry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. April 1986</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> Sorry it's a tad late this time. <br/>
Unwittingly I am sure, Severus surrounds himself with people whose catchphrases go along the lines of “Oh, I haven’t told you before…” (Yup, I am thinking of Albus here). But maybe it’s a kink. Cissy would have said it’s a kink. <br/>
Also, why is feeding each other highly messy fruits not considered the peak of romance is beyond me (but it should).
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The attention Severus was paying the fruit he was peeling was superfluous, as was the activity itself. Although the house elf could have sent the fruit already prepared, Severus had chosen not to order it to do so. The creature was left here idle for most part of the year, so it could really use some work when the occasion arose. Thus, Lucius should have chided Severus on this. He wasn’t complaining only because it created a sight worth seeing.</p><p>His eyes were swaying away from the Prophet far more often than he was ready to admit, stealing peeks of Severus’ overly focused mien on the background of the clear blue sky. Severus’ hands moved nimbly, fingers glimpsing paler in contrast to the fruit, like white butterflies. The breeze brushed his hair and the long, loose sleeves of his shirt billowed with the blows. The left one was cuffed a little, not to interfere with his wand’s movements. From below, peeped the thin lines of old scars, huddled around the pink remains of the Dark Mark.</p><p>Now, reminded about an important matter by a column that mentioned his father, Lucius lifted his gaze off the newspaper completely.</p><p>Severus was holding an orange. Its skin came apart between his fingers, as white on the inside as a blooming gardenia. Apparently inconvenienced by the lack of a knife, he led his wand very carefully. He chopped the fruit, revealing its crimson flesh, and a droplet of its bloody juice dripped down his thumb. Automatically, he licked it off, then continued, levitating the swiftly incoming slices onto the plate on the table. Still without noticing he was being observed, he reached to the bowl for another orange. Given the abundance of those on the serving platter, he was doing this for Lucius more than himself.</p><p>“You’re smiling,” Lucius remarked after the solid minute of watching his slightly curved lips.</p><p>Upon the comment, Severus’ mouth rearranged into the typical downward line. He shook his head a little, perplexed by the notion. “Was I?” he wondered, handing him a segment of the orange. This one he had decided to section, not slice.</p><p>Lucius leaned so that he would feed it to him rather than put it into his hand. Severus’ cool, juice-stained fingers touched his lips.</p><p>“Yes,” Lucius answered, having swallowed the bite, “I’d say you’re enjoying the ersatz of a holiday. I think it’s doing you good, even if it’s only for those three days. Perhaps you should consider taking the time off, for longer than a few hours, a little more often. Nobody is holding you hostage at that school, I’m going to wager.”</p><p>“I suppose so. I do enjoy the peace here.”</p><p>“Well then…” Lucius steepled his fingers. “I might have bad news for you—since we will not be alone here tomorrow.”</p><p>Just as he had worried they would, Severus’ eyes glittered with alarm. His hand faltered in its movement, slicing the skin of another citrus in an atypically crooked way.</p><p>“All people you know and who know,” Lucius assured him quickly, “more or less, at least. By that I mean, Eunice, my wife and, of course, her dearest—“</p><p>“Ah.” Severus exhaled, his initial tenseness diffusing – a little prematurely, Lucius was afraid. For a moment before he spoke, Severus was biting his cheek, his gaze locked on the fruit in his hand. “I can take Sinistra, I suppose. Still, you should have told me—”</p><p>“Oh, can you, now? Take Sinistra, that is,” Lucius laughed. “It’s a little suspicious how coordinated hers and your disappearances from Hogwarts are getting, don’t you think?”</p><p>“I presume you don’t mind how that seems?” Severus jutted his chin slightly. Instantly, the sunlight wrapped itself around his unconquered paleness.</p><p>“No, you’re the jealous one.” No sooner had he the words left his mouth than Lucius realised they were a lie. The mere idea of Severus being unfaithful peeved him, while he had never been bothered by that danger coming from other people in his life. “Honestly, I find it hilarious, but I am glad you get along. Gossip of this sort—“ He surveyed Severus’ face to puzzle out whether he too found it implausible. Thankfully, it looked so. “—let me add, can be quite convenient from my point of view. However, returning to the matter at hand – would it have changed anything, had I remembered to tell you this earlier?”</p><p>Severus snorted. “Wouldn’t have washed my hair, obviously,” he said with a deadpan only to smirk right after.</p><p>“Oh Morgana, truly?” Lucius asked, laughing again as he reached above Severus’ arm to the fruit platter for a bunch of grapes. “I rather hoped that was another piece of unfounded gossip.”</p><p>“You know how it can get at times,” Severus replied, suddenly defensive. “And I hardly have the energy to take care of it. Not at the damned school, at any rate.”</p><p>“Well yes, I have noticed you might be tired.” Lucius did not need any more proof Dumbledore’s Hogwarts was a soul-sucking place and a burden for its teachers, or at least this one. Since he arrived, Severus had slept for solid twelve hours and only began showing interest in anything that required energy on today’s morning. “Though I am quite sure you could invent a remedy for that if you set your mind to it – some spell or potion that would speed the process up considerably. Then, of course, patent it and let it become the next Sleekeazy.”</p><p>“Yes,” Severus hissed out, “that is exactly the mark I wish to leave upon society, Lucius – a hair pomade.”</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t mean to insult you... I am more than sure it would be just one amongst numerous more meritorious recipes. However, I’m afraid I’m not finished with the bad news, as of yet,” he warned, pausing to accept another carpel that Severus had leaned to put into his mouth.</p><p>“What’s next, you’re planning to leave me stranded with them?”</p><p>It took a moment until Lucius had chewed the piece well enough to answer. “No, not quite. My parents are planning to pop in for dinner.”</p><p>Fortunately, this time Severus wasn’t cutting anything, or else he would have cut the table in half if his hand slipped with outrage as it did now, landing on its surface with a clap. “Please tell me you are joking.”</p><p>Lucius reached for his hand to calm him a tad, but Severus had already lifted it, taking his wand again. “Unfortunately, not,” Lucius began to explain. “I realise I shouldn’t have chosen their property to stay in if I wanted to avoid this, though you must admit – the orchards are far more charming in spring than a beach alone.” In all truth, he realised last year that Severus preferred this property over the one that belonged exclusively to him. “And I will, of course, understand if you want to leave befo—“ Belatedly, Lucius caught himself on how much this made him sound like a beggar.</p><p>The triangle of wrinkles showed on Severus’ face and his tone was half-defensive, half-condescending when he asked, “You suppose I couldn’t successfully pretend to be there with Aurora for a whole evening?”</p><p>What was it with Aurora? Why did he have her stuck in his mind so much? Well, maybe it was Lucius’ own fault for suggesting they should pretend to be a couple on the incoming Vespasian’s wedding.  Merlin, he was being jealous again. It was nothing short of deranged to think that the person so loyal to him could possibly be interested in his wife’s girlfriend. Truly, Severus’ influence was ruining his poise.</p><p>“I admire the dedication, but that won’t be necessary. My father will, of course, make a point of not acknowledging anything and calling you a friend of mine... Mother, however, has become, thanks Morgana, a huge fan of Rayner’s ‘Accurate History of The Rare Persuasions—” Even preoccupied by questions of faithfulness, Lucius struggled to hold back a laugh when saying the title. “—Within The Magical Community’. And no, I have not gifted it to her myself. If my father minds this, either in the case of you and me or Cissy and Aurora, he can suck—well, no, let’s not go there, even figuratively. But he can most definitely shove it. In conclusion – do you mind attending, at my side?” He looked at Severus expectantly and saw him arranging the fruit slices into a fan-shaped pattern. </p><p>“Why of course not, I am a known admirer of suddenness and human gatherings,” Severus replied, each word soaked with treacle.</p><p>“Do I sense sarcasm there, sweetheart?”</p><p>“I sure hope you do, Lucius.” Severus reached for one of the lemon halves and squeezed it lightly over the apples. “I will suffer through it if I have to. But tell me – what have you done to your father?”</p><p>Lucius took a freshly sprinkled apple piece, its taste a little sour. “In what sense?”</p><p>“How is it that now the problem is how he will address me, and not that he, I presume not knows, but is allowed to conjecture the nature of our affiliation—“</p><p>“—relationship,” Lucius spoke over him. He had intended to finish his sentence but had underestimated Severus’ love for unexpected synonyms. “‘<em>Affiliation</em>’,” he mocked, “Salazar’s mercy, Severus, leave the lawyer talk for my father. He doesn’t know per se, you’re correct, although I see little issue in him suspecting it. The notion will never be vocalised or even consciously acknowledged by him.”</p><p>“Uh-huh.” It seemed that the bowl was now empty, since instead of occupying himself with another fruit, Severus was staring at the platter, still rearranging the composition on it. “But, to put it crudely, what about your rib-bruise?” he asked, raising his eyes at Lucius.</p><p>“You know it’s still there. Will stay there until he dies, or longer perhaps, we’ll find out one day.” Naturally, Severus knew he had not been cursed by father since the day he took over the Manor. Now, however, Lucius remembered he had never told him about something else. Of course! They did not keep in touch back then, after all. “…Although, if you are concerned whether we’re at war because he knows you’re here – no, we are not. I haven’t told you about his promise, have I?”</p><p>Severus shook his head.</p><p>“Well, I presumed so. You weren’t in my life then, which would explain that. You really could eat those too, you know, not just make them look like a sculpture on a column’s capital,” he suggested, reaching for another orange piece. Severus did take a slice of a pear between his fingers, but he did not stop dabbing at the fruit with magic. “Either way, the story goes as follows – when I was arraigned, I used up the occasion to—”</p><p>“Excuse the interruption, but only you would see those circumstances as a sizeable occasion.”</p><p>“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Lucius bit into another crimson carpel. “As I was saying, when I was arraigned, my father was at his wit’s end at the perspective of me being locked up. Truth be told, he saved me from setting foot in Azkaban, for which I am grateful, but it was more than obvious he was panicked. Using that explosion of concern, I forced him to promise he would never try to interfere with my family, or who I consider friends – or lovers.”</p><p>Severus raised a brow. “A huge challenge for Abraxas, I am sure.”</p><p>“One he had never bothered to try out on his own.” Lucius wiped his mouth with a napkin. The oranges were all extremely ripe – yet another advantage of Severus’ picking them from the pantry. “And well, he’s still unable to stop butting in, be it on the matter of my ‘fussy’ daughter like I’ve told you, or me taking over the family businesses. But at least he cannot bribe, manipulate, blackmail, charm, hex—”</p><p>“The Malfoy arsenal, in that order precisely,” Severus interrupted him and another smirk crept onto his face. His fingers grazed the sliced fruits almost caressingly as he picked up another piece of a pear. “But do go on, I am curious as to why he agreed to it.”</p><p>Lucius smiled. “Carrying on the family traditions has always been my highest pride. Although I sincerely hope Eunice will never have to resort to blackmailing me.”</p><p>“So, blackmail it was, then?” Severus narrowed his eyes. The pear crunched under his teeth and Lucius nodded while he was swallowing the bite. “Were you really in a position to blackmail anyone then?”</p><p>“Oh, you know I don’t care much for unwelcoming circumstances when I want something.” Lucius shrugged, throwing his palms up. “Although, actually, then I was precisely in the position to do so...” He liked that memory. It was one of his most valuable victories, an ultimate success over father and in a time in which, as Severus had noted, successes were rare. Nevertheless, there was a certain bitterness to it – it came almost too easy, suspiciously so. “Father wanted me out. I threatened I would confess, in which case all his efforts, all his precious stock liquidated for the sake of buying off the judges, lawyers and the jury… all of it would go to waste.”</p><p>Judging by how his shoulders quivered with a repressed chuckle, Severus found the concept of his lifelong imprisonment utterly hilarious. “He believed you?” he asked with a snigger.</p><p>“See? <strong>You</strong> don’t take me for an idiot who would have carried on with such a promise. But my father does take me for an idiot, apparently… Or he had wanted to agree,” Lucius admitted reluctantly. “Either way – he did. I have his word and a binding magical contract to support it. He can never interfere.”</p><p>“Must be in hell because of it.” Severus swallowed another bite.</p><p>“I ensure it.” Lucius winked. “Hence why I am dragging you around – no, not really. Although I admit it’s a perk – that he will know there’s only one bedroom taken by the both of us and he’ll have to live with it.”</p><p>Severus smiled a wide smile, quite different from his previous one this morning, sweetly venomous. The droplet of pear juice trembled on his lower lip while it stretched itself and Lucius leaned over the table to kiss it off before it would fall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. January 1987</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> So, on the 9th of January Alma_Rohe suggested I write something for Severus’ birthday.  I did. And it turned to porn halfway, so oh-well, absolutely not sorry. Anyway – Lucius has a lot of velvet ribbons; they’re good for holding up one’s hair (and not only that). Amongst those, there surely would be at least one wide enough for someone’s eyes. Also, on an <i> obviously unrelated </i> note, there’s light bondage in this chapter, and by 'light' I mean 50shades-the-movie level of light, nothing potentially distressing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Hogwarts’ corridors were desolate and quiet this time, with only the fractured moonlight to fill them up. Suddenly, something touched his face. Warm and wet, it felt like a rain droplet, all the more disconcerting in the enclosed space. He raised his eyes to the coping, but that did not reveal the source of it. As he blinked, the shadowy emptiness morphed into an even darker one, fuggy when compared to the coolness of the ambulatory.</p><p>“Oh come on, how deep a sleeper are you?” reached him from somewhere to his side, but he didn’t yet grasp the sense of the words.</p><p>The castle’s imposing void and the stuffy room intertwined, each flickering before his eyes as he blinked. Now, there were grey clouds hanging from the ceiling, as if the charm from the Great Hall extended to the corridors. Another droplet landed on his face. Two other fell onto his left cheek and Severus shifted, wanting to rub them off, but something stopped him. Sensing the smell of flowers and citruses, he moved his head to check. A brilliant, whitish shape was leaning over him, one hand holding his wrist, the other – stroking his hair.</p><p>Lucius.</p><p>“Yes, it’s me, love, it’s me,” the deep voice replied next to his ear. Apparently, he had said it out loud. “Good morning. You’re up finally, I take, or at least very close to that, aren’t you?” Severus heard him ask before another peck landed on his chapped lips. “You know, maybe I should reconsider what I’m giving you and change it into a lifetime supply of some variation of an energising potion. Though I suppose if those worked for you, you would be using them already…”</p><p>Way too sleepy to explain to him last night’s commotion in the Gryffindor Tower, huge enough Filch had to call both him and Minerva, Severus only yawned.</p><p>“Anyway, I do have one on me – should suffice for us both,” Lucius informed him, untangling a ring out of Severus’ hair. “Would you prefer to have it now, or later – with the breakfast?”</p><p>“Breakfast?” Severus repeated without understanding. What breakfast? What in Salazar’s name was he talking about?</p><p>“Breakfast, by the seaside,” Lucius told him, as if it was some obvious thing they had agreed upon. In his current half-consciousness, Severus couldn’t even rule out that option. “Half of the gift, of course.”</p><p>Severus propped himself up on the bed, moving Lucius’ arm aside on the covers, and looked to the clock. No wonder the alarm on his wand hadn’t gone off yet – it was bloody six o’clock. He rubbed his eyes and checked again. Unchangingly, ten past six. He had classes with Hufflepuff yesterday, so it had to be a workday.</p><p>Lucius was sitting on the side of his bed, the paleness of him glowing almost in the dark room. He was observing him, gently though expectantly, twiddling the handle of his wand. “—I can also always cast a reviving spell on you, if you need it. Actually, I might too, in a while. See, my method of getting up early seems to be – not going to sleep at all,” he grinned, complacent. Then, he promptly added, “I’m supposing that’s only practicable until a certain time in one’s life, so I plan on using the possibility to the fullest while I have it. Speaking of which – the passing of time, that is – are you ready to get up yet?” he asked at the end, aiming his wand at the chair in the corner. A pile of clothes was lifted off its armrest and flew onto the bed.</p><p>“I took the liberty of preparing them for you.” Lucius patted it down, then picked one of the garments. Unfolded before Severus, the cape glimmered with silver lining. “I didn’t change that much from what you’ve already had there waiting, though I’d like to see you wear this, for switching it up a tad. Besides, it’s supposed to be cold there – I checked their weather predictions yesterday – and that one should be warm enough for you.”</p><p>Just when Severus started questioning whether he would ever get the silence to collect his thoughts, the speaking ceased. As lucidness descended upon him, his visitor’s presence here became a lot less reasonable. Last time he checked, their opinions on keeping their secret from Dumbledore were identical. Thus, he couldn’t wrap his head around why Lucius had decided to Floo to his chambers on a random day of the week, and this early in the morning.</p><p>“Cold where? And, more importantly – why are you here?” he asked, shuddering as the duvet fell off his shoulders. Without it, the room did not feel hot at all.</p><p>If some of his disorientation had shown as rudeness in his tone, Lucius remained unaffected by it. “In south France,” he explained. “Allegedly, of course – you know one cannot trust a weather-seer. Although the link between the middle-of-winter and cold seems undeniable. My best bet is that it’s also madly windy at the seaside at this hour, but if so, we can always skip the walk along the beach.”</p><p>“Walk along the beach?” Severus echoed his words once more, feeling more confused by the minute. “The beach, of your French property, right now?” he guessed from the shreds of information he had been given.</p><p>“That is correct, yes.”</p><p>“It’s Thursday. I have classes,” Severus said, in the least truculent tone he could muster. Inwardly, however, he was asking himself whether Lucius was in his right mind. Perhaps he should not have skipped the sleep he boasted about.</p><p>“I know.” Lucius gave a one-armed shrug, imperious and dismissive. “That’s why I’m here this early. See, it is your birthday, you cannot spend it alone in the castle.”</p><p>His birthday! So it was that…</p><p>Severus had never paid attention to the occasion, not for himself at least. But Lucius remembered this time, and even had prepared something for it. Some incomprehensible wave of warmth overtook Severus. “Since when?” He pushed the covers off himself.</p><p>“Since I said so,” Lucius settled the matter, leaning so that his breath ghosted over Severus’ skin. He placed a brief kiss on his neck, then another. Another shudder went through Severus, but one that the cold couldn’t be blamed for. “Now then,” Lucius said, shifting so that his legs hung over the edge of the bed, “if we hurry, we’ll have over two hours there. Would you like a sip of the potion already?” he offered again.</p><p>Severus shook his head, already feeling conscious enough. At the very moment – exhilarated almost, as he met Lucius’ glistening eyes. “What’s the other half?” he wondered, sliding off the bed.</p><p>“Hmm?” Lucius batted his lashes at him. “Oh, of the gift, you mean? Well… part of it is a Portkey. A changeable one, two-way connection, to here and the manor, which is also how I got here this morning. And please don’t probe how I managed to get the places linked—“</p><p>“Aurora,” Severus completed while dressing himself. Without complaining, he put on the assortment Lucius had chosen for him. He wanted to be done with it quick, not just because the seaside mansion sounded like a better place to start the day than Hogwarts. It always felt awkward, in front of him, no matter how many times Lucius had proven he appreciated the sight of him naked. “It was suspicious of her to ask <strong>me</strong> for the Draught.”</p><p>“Well, you have to give it to yourself – yours is probably better than Pomfrey’s. Besides, you’re a better secret-keeper as well. And you very clearly don’t need them yourself.”</p><p>“You’d be surprised. I went to sleep way past three, however—“</p><p>“Oh, I recall everything I’ve said so far, then. You’re sure about the potion?” Lucius held the vial open, tilting it towards him. After Severus refused once more, he drained it himself before resuming, “Why was it so? You have to tell me later... Au fait, sticking to your previous question—the rest you’ll find out, though that depends on how much time we’ll have there.” Lucius embellished his answer with a smile, one lecherous enough to make stone blush.</p><p>Adequately, Severus felt heat rising in him again, except now it had spread all over him, suffusing his chest and cheeks as well as his abdomen. He tutted with pretend irritation, buttoning the last layer of his robes. “You’ve got to have a good reason to wake me up over an hour early,” he warned.</p><p>Lucius was currently resting sideways on the bed, with one hand supporting his jaw. Hair fell down his arm in a shining flow, lower yet when he tilted his head, cocking a brow. The grin was still stretching his lips when he replied, “I assure you – I very much do, Severus; I very much do.”</p><p>A moment later, they landed in the manor’s study. Their hands around the Portkey, Lucius was kissing the last remains of sleep out of him. They sauntered through the room without breaking the embrace, in Lucius’ graceful, dancey step. It did not falter despite Severus’ ineptness, because he was being led. Lucius whispered for them to duck and so, without having to open his eyes any earlier, Severus found himself inside the Floo portal with him. His hands were still on Lucius’ hips, raking below the skirts of his heavy coat, when the fire current swallowed them.</p><p>The bedroom – <em>their bedroom</em>, as his mind insisted to think of it – was bathed in candlelight. Clearly, Lucius had given this a lot of thought. If the girandoles weren’t enough, the greyish gleam from the beach supplied them. It was too early for sunlight, but not too early for them two to stumble onto the bed in a mad tangle of limbs.</p><p>Lucius pushed his boots off with a mix of a spell and movement, then threw his wand onto the nightstand. His face lit with the self-satisfied grin when Severus landed on top of him. Severus brushed along the seams of his robe, feeling for its fasteners without pulling away. When he was sucking a bruise into his neck, the wisps of Lucius’ collar tickled his nose. Annoyed, he extricated Lucius out of the sumptuous furs with even more spirit. His own cape had already fallen onto the ground, discarded.</p><p>Now Lucius was half naked before him, below him, breathing with growing tempo as Severus licked the tender skin of his nipple. The pearly robe was spread underneath him, framing his silhouette. At his shoulders, it morphed into a halo of blond, lustrous locks, making him look like the lewdest angel of heaven. For the moment, the whiteness was pristine, but Severus doubted that would last.</p><p>His fingers were splayed a little lower on Lucius’ abdomen, pressing against its straining muscles when he moved to watch his ministrations. Lucius liked his hands; Severus had heard as much. Severus himself held no such opinion about them, but he enjoyed the sight of them on the clasp of Lucius’ trousers. Even more, when he sensed the hardness underneath them. Before him, for him, at him. The collar of his robe dug into his skin while Severus swallowed. He unfastened it, giving himself room to breathe.</p><p>Gently, he pulled Lucius’ cock out his trousers and into his hand. Blessed be the pureblood’s typical lack of anything under them. He lowered himself to him, catching a glimpse of Lucius’ flushed face before he bowed his head. Lucius sighed when he licked the taste of him off the head of his member. Severus traced his tongue along the slit of it and then licked the underside of him. Lucius stiffened further, hips lurching up. Before he had the chance to groan his typical “More,” Severus had taken him deep into his mouth, until he felt him in the back of his throat.</p><p>“Severusss…” he got in return, hissed out on the verge of a murmur in a surprised tone. Pleasantly so, he judged, from the twitch of Lucius’ hand that had dived into his hair. His hair, which was right now in a more than horrible condition. But sod that, who cared, when he already had very much who he wanted sprawled before him. Lucius did not seem to mind that either, coiling strands of it between his fingers to pull Severus’ head back for a moment. “Not—too—soon—” he rasped out and Severus retreated, giving him a second.</p><p>Lucius’ attempt at regaining composure mustn’t have gone as planned. When he allowed Severus to continue, he was still on the verge of coming. Severus could feel the blood pumping in his veins, its pulse raising the same way his own was. The susurrus of it resonated in his ears, adding to the one of the sea afar. It wasn’t long after his lips touched the swollen, pink head of his cock, that he felt Lucius’ back arch. His groans morphed into something much less intelligible, and he tugged at his hair once more, forceful this time. Severus felt himself harden. Next, his mouth was full of Lucius’ come. He looked up at him as he swallowed, saw the tenseness of his muscles, beads of sweat running down their lines.</p><p>Breathing erratically, Lucius sat up by the head of the bed. He fixed his trousers, smoothened down his hair. The white robe, now damp with his sweat, rumpled when he shifted. “Was that a thank you?” he asked after a moment, having regained his cool. He reached for his wand and levitated two goblets. They had been waiting, presciently prepared on the tea table nearby.</p><p>Severus accepted the chalice falling into his hand. Before staining his lips with water, he licked Lucius off them. “I rather thought that was the gift.”</p><p>“Then you’re underestimating me,” Lucius said, tone playfully offended. “Sooo impatient. Didn’t even wait until I’d undress for you—“</p><p>“As if all of this hadn’t been a plot for you not to have to wait any longer, Lucius.”</p><p>“Well, so what if it was?” Lucius threw the piece of lemon mounted on the goblet’s side into its bowl and took a deep sip. “Are you complaining?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t dare, no.” Severus moved to join him, sitting so that his legs hung over the bedside.</p><p>“Good.” Lucius paused to drink again. “You know how there are variants to the Incarcerous spell...” he then said, his tone deliberately casual.</p><p>Severus had raised his brow long before the context of that titbit got through to him.</p><p>“—So, apart from the dangerous ones, there also are those that make it vitally kinder to the person being bound. I happen to know that velvet holds knots pretty well. And I was thinking, whether…”</p><p>“You or me?” Severus asked, only a little irritated with him for beating around the bush.</p><p>“Either way would work for me.” Lucius looked at him provocatively from under his lashes. Yet, he didn’t seem as assured in that statement as he usually was about everything.</p><p>“Then I’d suggest myself,” Severus replied, his roughened voice lowering when he bent to Lucius’ ear.</p><p>Lucius’ breath quickened against his cheek. “I was hoping you would say that.” He leaned away, putting away his goblet. “What do you say we try it out now, then?”</p><p>Severus’ eyes swept over the table by the window, all set for the aforesaid breakfast. “You realise I have a very limited time slot for all this, do you—“</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll be quick. Or rather, you’ll be.”</p><p>Lucius reached for his wand again. He waited for him to finish drinking and then slinked from his side. “Boots on the covers… Truly, you’re incurable.” He shook his head with chide, cleaning where they might have touched the duvet before. With another spell, he made their laces come apart in coils. Severus leaned to take them off.</p><p>As soon as he straightened again, he was pushed onto the mattress. Lucius loomed over him, both of them positioned the wrong way round on the bed. “Oh, and before I start anything, tell me, how do you feel about being blindfolded?” he asked, unbuttoning the front of Severus’ robe.</p><p>With anyone else, the answer would have been – <em>horrible</em>. The thought of losing this much control was paralysing, but then with Lucius he did not often have it anyway. As Lucius got him out of his robe, asking him to raise his hands accordingly, he settled for ‘enticed’ as his answer. “Fine, I suppose,” he told him aloud. Before the last word had echoed against the gold-incrusted panelling, it had become reality.</p><p>The brightness of the room was replaced by the slick darkness of a ribbon that wrapped itself around his skull. Lucius’ magic tingled in the skin around his eyes. Then, the softness of his fingertips replaced it when he adjusted the blindfold. He returned to undoing his clothes, taking his time with unexpected touches of his hands and lips wherever Severus’ skin was already bare. Once the air of the room could nip at every inch of Severus’ skin, cords – or rather, bands – tied themselves around his wrists. Here, too, Lucius’ touch followed, just as velvety but colder than the fabric. Next were his ankles. Lucius held his legs spread out, directing the spell at them in a soft murmur.</p><p>Severus felt exposed, but it was fine with him now, more so than back while he dressed. Either way, he wasn’t left to muse about it for long. A series of touches assaulted his nerves, scattering around his body. Something like velvet slid through his collarbone. A feather, probably, tickled his abdomen. Lucius’ lips teased him, kissing him briefly and whimsically – once on his mouth, then along his scars; once on his bound hands, then on the tip of his hardening cock. His fingers brushed through Severus’ chest and then began pinching him. Lucius caressed the back of his foot, to then torture him with a feather that trailed from its sole and changed into velvet up on Severus’ thigh.</p><p>Trying to keep his focus enough to work out what and where would touch him, Severus was straining himself. Lucius’ breathing was telling him he was moving overhead, but it wasn’t a reliable source. His hair swishing through Severus’ chest could mean a kiss in the bend of his arm or the feather tickling the side of his thigh, or literally anything else. Soon, he stopped trying to predict it, surrendering himself to Lucius’ fickleness completely.</p><p>Most of his cries of mingled surprise and arousal he could stifle with his mind alone, but a part of him wished he could bite his fist. As Lucius’ touches began centring lower and lower, Severus trashed against the ties.</p><p>“Shhh,” Lucius whispered calmingly. It wasn’t worth a plugged knut, because at the same time the feathery abomination stroked across Severus’ groin. “We haven’t agreed on a way for you to get me to stop, have we?” The roughness of his voice contrasted with his disinterested manner of speech. “Well, I don’t suppose it’s too late for that now, if you wanted to <em>yield</em>, Severus.”</p><p>Severus shook his head.</p><p>He couldn’t see it, but knew a grin crept into Lucius’ next sentence, “See, I supposed you wouldn’t.” He felt that smile a second later, pressed against his abdomen before Lucius licked the underside of his cock, way too briefly.</p><p>To Severus’ shock, the ties around his left wrist had loosened. Perhaps by mistake or because the spell was wearing off without Lucius’ focus on it. Severus did not bring that to his attention. When his hand jolted again while Lucius’ hair swept through his inner thigh, he broke free.</p><p>Lucius caught his arm before he could have reached down, not to mention stroke himself to completion. “No, no, not that…” he admonished in a purr. His fingers curled firmly around Severus’ forearm, tighter than the bindings had been. They released it when his hand met the fly of Lucius’ trousers. “I wanted you to feel me.”</p><p>Indeed, he was hard again under the material. He touched himself through it with Severus’ hand, just enough to make a sound. The sigh melted with Severus’ own vocalisation, muffled when he bit his lip.</p><p>“Well, you do find that arousing, I can see…” Lucius drawled, tying his hand back to the post of the bed. The ties were longer now, allowing him minimally more range. The slick warmth of Lucius’ tongue irritated the skin of an old scar tearing through the side of his leg. Next, it curled itself around the head of his member once more. This time, Severus hissed out an irritated breath when it retreated. “When – and if – you want to come, you have to ask me nicely,” Lucius provided. He then caressed along his length with the feather, or perhaps the ribbon, Severus was long past losing count of that.</p><p>“For fuck’s sake,” he groaned in frustration. He was at his wit’s end, but Lucius should have known better than to make him beg.</p><p>“Is this your version of nice? Quite unusual, I must say.”</p><p>“Do it.” If Lucius didn’t get his damned hand off his nipple in a second….</p><p>“Warmer,” Lucius whispered, leaning to his face. His hair swept through Severus’ hand, unwisely. “—but still not really what I’m aimi—“ The word turned into a whimper.</p><p>“Do it,” Severus repeated, tugging at the strand between his fingers.</p><p>Lucius’ breath crashed against his neck. “Ohhh…” The exclamation sounded appreciative now, too much so for Severus to hear it calmly. “Well, if this is the case, then of course,” Lucius added, hand over his as he unclasped it off his hair. “As you wish, Severus, as you wish…”</p><p>It was suspicious how easily he agreed. Worse yet, he loosened the bindings over Severus’ ankles too, providing him with limited movement.</p><p>The mattress’ folded, telling him Lucius got up from the bed. Left hard, tied and powerless against whatever he was planning to do, Severus tried to listen for him moving around the room. He heard a drawer open, then the quiet spark of a nonverbal spell, clinking, steps and another rattle of a drawer. He began to suspect this was another act of Lucius’ ridiculously prolonged play with him. Before he knew it, Lucius’ hand, slick with lube, was around his cock.</p><p>Severus sucked in a sharp inhale.</p><p>Lucius stroked him only once to coat him. He wasn’t thorough enough, apparently aware that, surprised, he would have come into his hand if he repeated the motion. His thigs straddled Severus, tauter now than with just the strain of leaning over him. Slowly, Lucius pressed down, easing himself onto his member. Severus wasn’t sure he would last much longer than it took for Lucius to start moving rhythmically, up and down on him. He angled his hips, having realised what he had been granted looser ties for. The change made Lucius gasp each time he burrowed the length of him inside himself. Severus was biting his lip so deeply it should have bled. His skin was not slick enough, Lucius’ becoming tighter and more raw around his cock with each of his thrusts. But, if the sound of him was anything to go by, ecstatic, feverish panting overhead, Lucius had wanted it that way.</p><p>It was regrettable he couldn’t see him, back arched, tousled hair flowing down his shoulders, face painted with the regular blush. At the same time, that sight would conclusively make Severus lose against the wave of pleasure threatening to take him. As if reading his mind, Lucius took his hand off Severus’ chest and the blindfold slid from his eyes.</p><p>“I’m going to—”</p><p>“I know.” The devilish grin bloomed onto Lucius’ face and he leaned back, Severus’ cock inside him. “Happy birthday – Severus,” he moaned out his name, hand reaching to cup his chin and tilt it to look into his eyes.</p><p>The velvety thing from before touched his jaw and Severus noticed the white fabric over Lucius’ fingers. So that was it – a glove – he realised, as a shudder went through him. Lucius took the glove off with his teeth. The orgasm surged through Severus, accumulated from the wait and powerful enough to make him struggle against the bindings. Lucius was stroking himself as he fell on him again and again, way faster now that Severus was already coming in him.</p><p>He was spent too soon, perhaps, but Lucius retreated off him only to sit above, rather than on, his hips. The muscles of his abdomen pulsed over his dripping member. Severus could do nothing but watch until Lucius finally made himself climax, seed spilling over his stomach and chest. He had closed his eyes, but Severus watched him, avid for the magnificent tenseness of him. In a moment, his body relaxed again, knees no longer digging into Severus’ sides.</p><p>Lucius gave a deep, pleased sigh and leaned to untie the bindings. Severus barely had the time to shake his asleep right arm before Lucius lied down on him. Unmindful of his own sperm covering it, he put his head on the top of his chest. They rested like that for a while, silent but for the harmoniousness of heavy breaths.</p><p>Then, still without lifting himself off him, Lucius stretched and looked up at him. “You’re my longest,” he said softly. It could mean at least two things and, with Lucius, chances were he had the dirtier one in mind. “Relationship, I mean,” he amended even before Severus could have asked. “At least when defined as one-person fidelity, that’s for sure. It will be two years right around now, I just remembered.”</p><p>If he had meant that to sound reassuring, he missed.</p><p>It was a horrid reminder that Lucius’ whimsicality, while alluring, would end up hurtful when one day he changed his mind. That day, however, seemed so distant now it could never come. His body was warm all over Severus’ and under his arm, when he put it over Lucius’ back. Yes, that was possible, <em>always possible</em>, but it wasn’t going to happen soon. Certainly not in the closest quarter of an hour, judging by the next whisper that curled Severus’ neck. “We could both use a bath now, don’t you think?”</p><p>Combing his fingers through the blond locks, Severus wondered whether Lucius was monitoring how much time they had left. He concluded it did not matter. “Probably, yes. But not yet. Wouldn’t say no to smoking a tab first, if you don’t mind.” At his answer, Lucius laid his head down again and smiled against his skin.</p><p>Severus was terribly late for class that day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. July 1987</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>  It’s sad that basic respect towards one’s own children counts as A+ parenting, but that being said: Lucius Malfoy and unironically A+ parenting in this chapter awaits. Also – it goes from parenting issues to pre-porn in 5 seconds, because reasons (the reason is Lucius). </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Important news was best relayed in felicitous surroundings, hence why he had waited until they were on the beach to tell him. Severus, however, beat him to it, as though he had sensed what Lucius wanted to speak about. “And how is your daughter?” he asked, the very second they emerged out of the spinney and into the swooshing tufts of grass.</p><p>Lucius stopped observing the gulls, bathing in sunlight on the faraway pier, as the matter definitely called for eye contact. “Well, actually, I don’t have a daughter anymore—“</p><p>“What?” Severus narrowed his eyes at him, so unsuspecting of what explanation lay behind that. “Has she fallen in love with a muggleborn she played peekaboo with and been disinherited?”</p><p>“Hah.” He smiled. “No, not that, fortunately. It’s a rather different matter. To put it simply – I don’t have a daughter anymore, but I do have a son now.”</p><p>Severus was looking at him quite wide-eyed now, but didn’t say a thing.</p><p>“—He told us right before his birthday – that he doesn’t feel like a girl or want to look like mum when he grows up, that was the main gist of it. Well, told me, to start with – and I think Cissy is still a little hurt by how that played out. Though the most important thing is that he wasn’t afraid to tell us both.” The last person Lucius had informed of this wasn’t half as calm about it. Either it was Severus’ stoicism, or he too had subconsciously expected something of this sort. “He’s probably going to insist on telling you himself when he sees you, as he’ll do with his grandparents. Actually, he’s planning to make a whole show of it. And using your potions no less, the silvery bubbles that shapeshift, that is – because according to him they form the words just right—“</p><p>Severus nodded with peculiar solemnity, making it seem as though the kid’s remark was some important scientific point.</p><p>“—but I wanted you to know beforehand. And this is very much not an owling matter. Besides, you were busy with that temporary two-subject teaching and whatnot… What happened to that O-something man, by the way?”</p><p>“O’Brien. Still in St. Mungo’s as far as I recall. And I understand.”</p><p>“I knew you would,” Lucius said, stifling a sigh of relief. “Anyhow, he chose a name for himself – and I truly shouldn’t have given him that atlas on his last birthday, because guess what…”</p><p>Severus glanced at him, eyes glittering with rising amusement. “Opaleye or Hebridean?” Oh, he knew Lucius’ boy so well.</p><p>“Opaleye. Sounds more like a name, in his opinion.”</p><p>Judging by the feigned cough he let out, Severus would disagree.</p><p>“Yes…” Lucius tilted his head to the rustle on their side and saw one of his dogs had followed them up here. “I didn’t think it does, either. We have since settled on the word ‘dragon’, in its Latin version, since that would fit Cissy’s family’s traditions. Which is an improvement, so to speak. Thus, we will be changing Eunice to Draco along with his gender in any documents. By the time Christmas comes, it should be official.”</p><p>“Is that not too soon?” Severus asked, his tone so serious Lucius wondered whether his relief had not been premature. “Aren’t you worried the kid will change he–his mind before next birthday? Besides, h...is magical core isn’t fully formed yet. Surely, you realise such a decision will impact it.”</p><p>He sounded considerate, if sceptical. Good; Lucius truly didn’t need another person to battle with on the matter, especially Severus. Although he had expected him to agree with it rather than fight it, he would also be prepared even to choose Draco over him, if he had to. Thankfully, so far that seemed needless.</p><p>“Well… It sounded as though he’d thought it through quite a bit. He had a whole speech on it, actually. On how it’s been a year – and two months – since he first thought about that, and how it sometimes angered him when we called him ‘girl’ or ‘daughter’. I sway towards trusting him on this. Nothing’s certain, of course, since he’s a kid, who, as I’ve mentioned, spent some of that year-and-two-months thinking we’d let him name himself after a creature species, but well – I’d rather trust him than see him miserable as he’d been for a while before he told us.”</p><p>“Hmm…” Without losing pace in their stride, Severus closed his eyes for a moment. “Draco, then? Draco Malfoy, huh,” he uttered, as though trying out how the words slid off his tongue.</p><p>“Better than his first choice, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Certainly.”</p><p>Silence fell, though not of the uncomfortable kind. “Well, either way…” Lucius spoke over the scrunching of sand underfoot, “we went to a healer straight away to check what can be done. Not much, it turns out. As you’ve noted – his inner magical core is still in its flexible phase and shouldn’t be moulded to anyone’s wishes, not even his own, apparently. The assistance he could get is limited and, in terms of potions and such, not quite age-appropriate. For that reason, we will be inviting one Dutch healer here next month, because I am told he’s a specialist. And right now we plan to focus on the societal aspect, which shouldn’t be all that arduous – there were a few precedents, and known ones – Deverill, for example. Current Captain of the Holyhead Harpies,” he added to clarify when Severus’ blank gaze told him he was not up to date on his Quidditch trivia. “And Sullivan – the commentator—“</p><p>This time the hint hit its mark – him Severus did remember. Maybe because they had met, Sullivan being one of Lucius’ father’s friends and often visiting them on more formal occasions. “Are you prophesising the kid a future in Quidditch?”</p><p>“Hah, I wouldn’t be that opposed to it… However, even given those cases, there were healers who insisted he would ‘grow out of this whimsy’. Or ‘she would’ as they said it. Well, one in particular, Julie something—“</p><p>“I thought you only remembered surnames.”</p><p>“Not when they are of muggleborns I don’t,” Lucius replied, catching himself on how he angry his voice sounded. He wasn’t, of course, not at Severus at any rate, just at that mudblood’s backward convictions. “I tend to pay attention to what interests me. In terms of surnames that would be – the potentially useful ones. And her name only drew my attention because my father’s greyhound bears it. Can you blame me for it?”</p><p>“No, of course not.” Severus shook his head a little, hair falling over his forehead in a glistening curtain. Maddeningly so, when his face had seemed so much brighter in the sun, which he could probably use a bit of. “The way you juggle this whole set of affairs—“</p><p>“Business affairs, you might want to add.”</p><p>“Lest I offend myself, yes.” The thought had made Severus smile a skewed smirk.</p><p>In that moment, the setter in front ran towards the waves, chasing the gulls away with a clamour. Lucius called out to calm the dog as they headed his way, closer to the sea. Only when they were already on the stripe of wet sand by the very shore, did Lee listen and settle down. He scurried back guiltily to walk at Lucius’ leg, a few feet apart from him and Severus.</p><p>Once the commotion ended, Severus went on, “…But getting back to the matter of your offspring—”</p><p>“That is a charming term, thank you.” Lucius flicked his fingers. “Maybe I should have suggested it for the mudblood to use before I got her fired…”</p><p>Severus sniggered, the laughter softening his slight frown. “You really are one of a kind… How many people have lost their jobs because of your little Dragon?”</p><p>“Oh, they did not lose them because of my Dragon,” Lucius let a drop of staunchness into his voice. “They lost them because of their conscious nastiness towards him.”</p><p>“So there were multiple.”</p><p>“Yes, well… perhaps… See – one thing was them not treating him seriously because he’s a child, but a whole other when they had inexplicable troubles remembering to treat him as him... Funny thing is – that Julie woman hadn’t had any problems calling him ‘he’ until she heard he wasn’t born as one. Then, suddenly it ‘was the long hair’, which well...” Lucius reached out to smoothen his own hair, ruffled by the breeze that had been trifling with it. “Not a very convincing argument, if you ask me. The second one didn’t really lose anything, he just had his pay withheld for two weeks—”</p><p>“Starving a man into cooperating. Great tactic.” Severus smiled, in equal measures sarcastic and sincere, from the looks of it. “Did he learn the kid is just as entitled to making informed decisions about naming himself after a huge, pearly lizard as his father is to throwing money at St. Mungo’s chief healers?”</p><p>“I believe he did.” Lucius grinned back at him, proudly. “He doesn’t seem to have trouble referring to him as Draco anymore. And Draco now likes him a lot, because he plays along with all his play-pretend too. Out of cautiousness, I assume.”</p><p>“Ah, isn’t that endearing,” Severus drawled. “What’s he for, though?”</p><p>“Well, that one’s a mental healer… And my father doesn’t know about this, because Circe, would the ‘no Malfoy had ever’ tire itself quickly. I don’t need him to assume Draco is mad.”</p><p>“He does know about the grandson, then?”</p><p>“Yes, I wouldn’t want it to be a big reveal on my birthday. He’s being difficult, because of course he is, but either he’ll come around on his own or I will make him—“</p><p>“I’ll be sure to provide you with my support when you do,” Severus promised, voice suddenly lower and dangerously mellow. Perhaps Lucius should have led with this – anything the Malfoy senior frowned upon, Severus was more likely to accept. “I happen to be making his medicine at the moment, in case that should interest you.”</p><p>“The heart one?” Lucius asked in a tone of wonder and received a sharp nod in response. “Fascinates, you could say... Though I think we can leave the patricide to be a last resort in this case.”</p><p>“As you wish, lord Malfoy.” Severus tutted. “Come to think of it, aren’t you also supposed to be troubled by this whole ...revelation? You and Narcissa, that is.”</p><p>“Why would I be? I loved my daughter—“</p><p>Severus cut in swiftly, “I don’t think anyone would have questioned that.”</p><p>“—but you know I was never opposed to the idea of having a son. In retrospect, I’d say there was something off with him being born a girl… After all, there hadn’t been a single one in this line of Malfoys—”</p><p>“For three centuries, I know, I know,” Severus completed with a harrowed grimace.</p><p>“Oh,” Lucius laughed, genuinely surprised he remembered that piece of his genealogical tattle, “I didn’t realise you listened to me.”</p><p>“Might stop anytime.”</p><p>“Well then, I better hurry speaking… It seemed suspicious from the start to me. And I was right, of course. I can’t even say I influenced his decision, given all the – wear that dress to grandma’s birthday fights I’ve battled with him...” Lucius paused to step over Lee, who had lied down on the sand right across their way and was refusing to get back up despite their proximity. “Cissy, meanwhile, is glad about the name change and doesn’t seem to mourn the loss of daughter too much either. It wasn’t as though Eunice was letting either of us make her seem ‘girly’ these days, after all. Besides – we still have a son, who loves Opaleyes and wasting his pocket money on potion ingredients—forgive me—” he apologised, having realised Severus was the last person to see that as peculiar. “To make exploding silver bubbles for the theatrics of things, I might add. And who wouldn’t want that?”</p><p>His gesturing hand was suddenly caught in Severus’ grip. Stopped by that, he turned to face him. How in Merlin’s name had his fingers gotten cold in this weather, Lucius couldn’t guess. “You’re a good father, Lucius,” Severus told him in a voice not much louder than the sound of the sea. Lucius met his eyes, murky as ever, but warm now, lighter almost in the bright sun. He had not known he needed to hear that, but now it filled him with an otherwise inexplicable glee. As though to affirm that happiness further, Severus offered, “If you need any help on the matter of potions for him – let me know. I would have to educate myself, of course, but—”</p><p>“Oh, I will, of course I will.” Lucius shook his head, fixing the hair the wind was swatting him in the face with. “I don’t think we could find better help on that if we tried, so I’ll gladly bother you about it later on, if you allow,” he said as they resumed their saunter.</p><p>Severus mumbled something in agreement and fell silent for another moment. He looked back, his gaze tracing the course of Lee’s chase of another bird. The pursuit had landed the setter deep in the waters, where, instead of returning straight to the shore, he was swimming towards the pier, counting on the support of the wooden balks.</p><p>“I will meet him during your birthday as him, then?” Severus asked while they passed the pier, watching the dog struggle onto it. “Do I need to… know anything?”</p><p>“In what sense?” Lucius paused to reflect on it. “…Well, you definitely cannot call him a girl, in his presence not even the past him – or so help me—”</p><p>“Don’t worry; I have learnt not to question the whims of a Malfoy.”</p><p>“Good.” He squeezed Severus’ hand slightly, taking this for the final promise that they would not have any issues on this matter. “Though don’t call it a whim either, not around him at any rate. Apart from that, not much has changed so far, to be honest. He wears his hair down most of the time now, like I do. Says buns and pigtails are for girls.”</p><p>“Why do you sound like you disagree?” Severus bit his lip, as though to hold back a snicker.</p><p>“Fine,” Lucius laughed, “he’s right on that. Though I hope he learns a ponytail or even a braid can go a long way on a heated day. Otherwise, he’ll be demanding we cut it in no time—”</p><p>“Also known as ‘the summer’.”</p><p>“Yes, well, not this one, hopefully. I may be more attached to his long hair than he is.” Lucius nearly shivered at the vision of Draco with it cut shorter than to his arms. “He’s also gotten even stauncher on the matter of clothing, or perhaps just surer in that. He was nearly in tears when he had to wear a forget-me-not blue robe with florals to my mother, though I assure you, it was hardly girls’ clothing. Ambiguous, more like.” Severus’ gaze lied meaningfully upon Lucius’ patulous, pastel blue shirt, due to the heat uncovered by a dark robe. “And again, yes, at this rate I am going to start questioning myself soon, especially since in the end we agreed it was the colour’s fault and he wore a black robe-like dress with florals that day.”</p><p>Severus only smirked at the notion. Without turning to look for Lee, he whistled at the dog and sped up a tad, as they were approaching <em>their</em> bay.</p><p>“Draco’s dislike for ‘the girliness’ of light blue, that reminds me…” Lucius raised his finger into the air to catch his thoughts. As if welcomed, the wind swept around them warmly, tugging at his hair. “I cannot find a proper pocket square to match the pattern of my robe – you know the one, charcoal grey with purple and gold ornaments...”</p><p>Severus shook his head with fake sympathy. The characteristic crease appeared on his forehead, presaging the wish to roll his eyes at the issue. “What a tragedy.”</p><p>“It is one!” Lucius argued. His voice rose on the last word, as a heavy object crashed into his legs from behind. It was the dog, jolting blindly from behind them. “Lee, watch where you’re going, for Salazar’s shrewdness!”</p><p>Apologetic, the setter circled around them, brushing against Lucius’ shins and wagging his tail. Severus patted him on the head and Lee skirted them once more to then run off back towards the pier. He had always been intimidated by the cliff, in the shadow of which they now stopped.</p><p>“As I was saying,” having sat down, Lucius picked up where he left off, “it clashes drastically with all those I have at my disposal. May I borrow yours?”</p><p>Severus looked at him from above, squinting in the same way he had just done at the sun while he watched the dog skitter into the distance. “We are at your residence. I hardly think this is necessary.”</p><p>Lucius patted the place next to himself in an inviting manner. “Then you’re wrong on both cases. We’re at my father’s residence, so it is very much necessary. I don’t know what he believes I wear on daily basis, but I can assure you, it is not what he’d put into my wardrobe.”</p><p>Severus settled at his side, stretching his legs towards the sea as Lucius was. Noticing how the ropes of his sandals dug into Severus’ calves, Lucius reached for his wand.</p><p>“—I understand I can’t be mad at mother for removing herself from his reach to get some well-deserved rest, but Merlin, at least she always knew what to tell the elf and when...” He loosened the ropes of Severus’ sandals with a nonverbal spell. They fell lower in coils, twisting like freed snakes over the thin, sand-pale legs of his. Without interrupting him, Severus inclined his head in lieu of a thank you. “Either way, this leaves me with the scarce choice of clothing I have brought with myself here, not having foreseen this. Obviously, I cannot wear a silver square to that dress robe. And the crimson one would have been a travesty.”</p><p>Severus put his arm over his, as though to calm his outrage. “You are aware people will hardly notice what colour it is? Especially your father.”</p><p>“You would have. And, most importantly, I would. Come on, what is it to you, scrooge?”</p><p>“I did not arrive here with a dozen of those.”</p><p>“Yes, I know you’ve just got one.” Lucius shrugged, causing Severus to draw his hand back. “I rummaged through your things. However, we can switch. Yours will match my eyes, mine in turn will match yours.”</p><p>“I rather doubt that is how it’s supposed to be.”</p><p>“Well, leave the intricacies of fashion to me, sweetheart.” Lucius sent him a grateful grin. “And thank you.”</p><p>“I have not agreed to that yet,” Severus opposed, though that resistance sounded quite half-hearted.</p><p>“Oh, but you were going to.” Lucius pushed him lightly onto his back. When he straddled over him, Severus looked at him immeasurably puzzled. Almost instantly, a faint blush crept onto his cheeks. Lucius liked him like that, stunned and relaxed and glowing, with a shadow of a smile curling his thin lips even as they bent to open in surprise. “If you could only see the way the sun licks your face – I’m going to get jealous,” he told him as an explanation.</p><p>“But here?”</p><p>“Well, there’s privacy charms on the beach, remember?” The dog too had conveniently got lost, or at least Lucius wasn’t hearing his barking and scurry anymore at the moment. “And nobody can catch us on it until Sunday—“</p><p>Ever the killjoy, Severus held his hand still, preventing Lucius from unbuttoning his robe and questioned, “Won’t sand get in the way?”</p><p>Fortunately, Lucius had considered that technicality before he had placed himself so that he could feel Severus harden at his proximity. He darted a look at his wand, lying half-buried in the sand due to their movement. “There are spells for that. For that – specifically.”</p><p>“Why am I not surprised you know them,” Severus said in soft-ended reproach, as the corner of his mouth quirked up. </p><p>“What a loss would it be if I didn’t…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> 
Okay, so this is the first and most elaborate mention of Draco being trans in this fic. I know I’m touching on a delicate subject, especially in the light of what a transphobe JKR is, but it fit very well with everything else I had planned for this AU (and also, I couldn't resist writing Lucius as a raging Good Dad™). This is not a main plot-point here though, hence why it's mentioned, rather than explored in depth. In case I handled anything about the subject badly, please do let me know in the comments. I’ll read any reflections gladly and adjust whatever should need adjusting ^^ <br/>
Also - yes, Lucius is the hoodie-stealer (or, in this case probably more of a cape-stealer) of the relationship. It might be a wise tactic though - taking Severus' clothes is the only sure way to get him to buy himself new ones.
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. August 1988</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sprawled on the bench so that his legs were over Severus’, Lucius was speaking to himself in a low voice. “If I transfer those assets from Cissy’s vault and back into muggle stock – and there should be… – well… that would probably let me double it…” His eyes were closed, and he could very well have been sleeping, hadn’t it been for that murmur, adding to the nightly chirring coming from outside.</p><p>It was getting colder, and the warmth of the greenhouse had stopped sufficing Severus. As the last page of the chapter turned, he ended the charm. He lifted his hand off Lucius’ leg to grab a blanket from behind them.</p><p>Perhaps alarmed by the lack of fingers to absently graze, Lucius opened his eyes. “You are finishing, I take?” he asked, tilting his head towards the book, which now lay closed in Severus’ lap.</p><p>“Or am finished, even.” Severus unfolded the blanket and flicked it. “I have a single chapter left, I believe, but one which I do not intend to read.”</p><p>“Oh! How unusual… Why have you given up on it, then?”</p><p>“It won’t be related to the subject, if the rest of this… twaddle has been any hint,” Severus replied, spreading the rug over them both. Since Lucius kept looking at him as if waiting for further explanation, he added, “I have little desire to broaden my knowledge of the author’s family tree or even – who on it dabbles in potioneering. Over half of this…” Once again he shot a scornful look at the wrapper of the book, struggling to find words for its quality that would not classify as vulgar. “…verbiage is redundant. Distractive, even, when randomly scattered all throughout the text.”</p><p>Lucius leaned in to steal a glimpse at the book’s cover and Severus handed it to him. “Well…” He scanned the title page with keen eyes. “I do know who of his family dabbles in potions, although solely due to having shares in their apothecaries.”</p><p>“See – but that’s not scientific, it is business—”</p><p>“Which you aren’t remotely interested in. Yes, Severus, I know.” Lucius’s hand slid from underneath the blanket to pat his.</p><p>“The muggles got that one thing right – they have rules for it that force you to be concise,”  Severus admitted with caution. Mentioning anything muggle around Lucius was risky, unless that thing brought him profit.</p><p>Fortunately, Lucius only grinned at him. “Well, how do I break it to you…” he said with a hint of archness, “I realise it might be a novel concept to you, but some people talk quite a lot about their families…”</p><p>“It doesn’t bother me when <strong>you</strong> do that. However, were you to write something aspiring to the badge of ‘scholarly’, I would …discourage you from it.”</p><p>The corner of Lucius’ mouth quirked up some more. “Through jeering relentlessly?” </p><p>“Mhm.”</p><p>“As you will keep doing about this thing, I’m assuming,” Lucius made another accurate guess. With a dull clap, he closed the book, which he had been paging through.</p><p>Severus took it from him. “If you have the patience to listen to that – then gladly,” he said, putting the useless tome onto the console table. </p><p>“Well, your growing enthusiasm about muggle science worries me a tad... Nevertheless, I do get your point. However, while we’re on this subject – why is it that you don’t write those?”</p><p>“Haven’t I just said?” Severus asked, startled by the suggestion. He had never considered it, given how his notes did not at all resemble what he was seeing in magical journals. “The long-windedness disgusts me.”</p><p>“You could always be the pioneer of being concise – amongst other things.” Lucius shifted to sit next to him instead of lounging on the opposite end of the bench. Now much closer, he reached to the side of Severus’ face. Having gathered the hairs falling over it, he tucked them behind his ear. This time, he even forewent his chance to remind Severus he shouldn’t hide behind them. Severus didn’t feel all that comfortable with Lucius’ willingness to stare at his features, but he liked the admiration in the gesture. “All things considered, you’d be great in the role of a pioneer in this field.”</p><p>Severus glanced at him again, wanting to ensure he wasn’t joking. “I don’t enjoy any sort of spotlight, thank you very much.”</p><p>“Who said anything about spotlight?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You could use a pseudonym.” Lucius squirmed again, putting his bent legs over Severus’. Apparently comfortable in that lopsided position, he leaned back, causing the blanket to slide off them both. The dog lying at their feet opened one eye, only to close it lazily as she noted what had fallen down.</p><p>“Those are typically linked to people sooner or later.” Severus bent over the heaped limbs of them both to lift the rug.</p><p>“Then steal one,” Lucius retorted, shrugging as if that was the most obvious solution to the problem. The problem which he had just invented for Severus in the first place.</p><p>“What do you mean by that?”</p><p>“Publish under somebody else’s. If I know anything about business, it is that nobody will argue with it unless you’d want to claim the profits. Which, given how you currently produce genius ideas only to stuff them into a drawer, I am going to assume doesn’t interest you much.”</p><p>Nothing could as infallibly guarantee his face would turn red as Lucius calling him a genius. Severus focused doubly on tucking the blanket around them, so that it would not slip again. This did not, of course, have anything to do with the warmth he had failed to stop from flooding his cheeks.</p><p>“I get by as it is, yes,” he answered without raising his eyes. “And, forgive me, but you do know all about business and conceited people.” Lucius sniggered softly at his remark. “I’ll think about it,” Severus added, straightening only now that his treacherous blood was back under control. “But you, have you solved your conundrum yet?”</p><p>“Not exactly. This is just a much-needed break.” Lucius shook his head somewhat resignedly. “I think I might split the funds before I place them into the muggle accounts, maybe filter them through father’s before I invest. Still, it sounds hazardous in my head. And I would rather avoid casting any shadows on my reputation with what I am going through with Fudge… Merlin, you wouldn’t believe how that man fears outer interference—”</p><p>“—Fears it so much he does not see the inner ones.”</p><p>“Well, yes, though may I remind you, those aren’t only mine, or Evermonde’s—” Lucius threw the surname at him offhandedly. He kept speaking after that, but it didn’t register with Severus.</p><p>Instantly upon the mention, a part of him wanted to scream blue murder. There was a long list of names that made him feel that way. As Lucius had once noted – he had them memorised much better than the Malfoy himself, too well for his own good.</p><p>“Oh, don’t send me that look.” Lucius leaned in and stamped a brisk kiss on his cheek. “I did have to meet him a few times, for business purposes,” he explained with as much sincerity in his voice as Severus could possibly demand of him. “He remains smitten and, I believe, somewhat regretful. Though what makes you think I would be interested?” he wondered, perfect brows bending.</p><p>Severus stifled a sigh. Of course he ‘remained smitten’; who on Earth wouldn’t, even with the years passed? “Fine.” He put his arm around Lucius, simultaneously reaching for the exasperating book with is other hand. “Now then, I’ll try to give you another while.”</p><p>“Great, thank you.” Lucius snuggled up into him, tilting his head so that his hair swept down Severus’ arm and over the back of the bench. “It shouldn’t be long now.” Then, he turned a little in his seat and shot Severus yet another from his arsenal of disarming smiles. Severus recognised it as a pleased one.</p><p>He supposed it was caused by how easily he had just given up on interrogating Lucius on the matter of Evermonde. Frankly, Severus was almost surprised with himself for it. Yet, he trusted Lucius; trusted his pearly grin and the melted daggers of his eyes, but perhaps most of all, the warmth of him in the fold of his arms. From the way Lucius burrowed his head in the crook of his shoulder – content, at ease, he knew that trust was reciprocated.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> So, I kind of keep this hc about Severus impersonating other potionmakers on paper, which is how he shares his ideas while avoiding associating them with his name. It came from wondering how in hell would he know how to make any potion that has an allegedly secret, difficult recipe (like Wolfsbane). Anyway, this is the origin story of that and yes, I will continue to write them in lazy summery scenarios. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. May 1990</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p> Bad excuse™ right out of lowly muggle porn movies has always been something I imagined Lucius coming up with. Because who better to say it than the wizard who would never watch such a movie? I'm not sure he can use TV anyways, but that's for later for him to work out, and in a much less spicy context than the one here too. </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Just as the house-elf had told him they would, the two Malfoys were out in the yard, flying. Because of Draco they weren’t that high up, but it still took them a while to notice Severus. They finally saw him while Draco performed something akin to a loop, with his father belaying him below. After that, the faraway shapes of them began expanding as they dived towards the ground. First to reach it was Lucius, but then instead of stopping, he swerved upwards and into another loop, followed closely by his son. Their robes fluttered with speed.</p><p>The smaller shape managed to overtake Lucius’ in the air. Soon, Draco was flying down again, this time even faster, but with a distinct slow-down at the finish. Despite that cautiousness, Severus deemed it safer to step aside from the trajectory of Draco’s flight.</p><p>“Hi! Mother’s wanted me to tell you – ‘the blue one’. Whatever that means,” Draco panted, jumping off his broom. “And that it’s great.”</p><p>“Ahh, thank you. And thank your mother from me.”</p><p>This explained his hurry; Cissy must have told him this was supposed to be kept a secret from Lucius. Severus had to consult her on the matter – he had spent too much time brewing the perfume to risk it not being perfect. The one Lucius had used up till now was discontinued last year and no amount of money could get it back for him, leaving him rather dismayed. Severus had set not just to recreate, but to better it, thus the multiple samples. Blue, yes, he had expected it would be the blue one…</p><p>“—you see me?” Draco tugged lightly at his sleeve, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Did you see what I did?”</p><p>“Yes, yes, I saw it, Draco. It was a great dive,” Severus praised, watching Lucius land next to them. His hair, held in a ponytail dishevelled at its tips, glistened in the sunlight. He dismounted his broom with no less agility, if a little more sobriety, than his son had. Before sauntering towards them, he neatened his hair and robe.</p><p>“The Slytherin team will be looking for a Seeker in a year,” Severus went on, “provided the current one keeps his position until graduation. I suppose you would be interested.”</p><p>“Now don’t raise my boy’s hopes too much.” Lucius patted his back in lieu of a greeting. Having left the brooms to the care of the house elves, he started leading the way back to the manor.</p><p>“You don’t believe in me, father?!” Draco fumed, fists jolting to his hips.</p><p>“Why of course I believe in you, Draco.” Without stopping in his stride, Lucius ruffled the kid’s hair. Draco flinched a tad, but suffered through it with only a grimace. “Only, you see, 2<sup>nd</sup> year is a little young to land on the team, even with your ability. Although you can trust I’ll be the first to cheer you on if you do.”</p><p>“Huh. Well, I will,” Draco declared with the unmistakable confidence of a Malfoy. Just as the manor’s door opened before them, he added, “I’m off to eat something, may I?”</p><p>“Of course. If you need me—”  </p><p>“Na-ah, I’m supposed to be at grandma’s at five, remember?”</p><p>“Oh, yes, right…” Lucius blinked somewhat blankly, as if recalling something. “Of course, alright... Have fun, then!”</p><p>“I’ll try to. Bye dad, bye unc—pro—Severus—” the boy fumbled, confused, before disappearing into the dining room. It seemed that Lucius had already begun teaching him to address him differently, so that no familial term would slip out in the future. So far, it was clearly spacing the kid out.</p><p>“You wanted my help in something,” Severus reminded as the door closed after Draco.</p><p>“Oh, yes, your help.” Lucius nodded and took his hand to lead him towards the west-wing’s staircase. There was a playful glimmer in his eyes as he continued, “I’ll need you to help me… with something in the bathroom on the second floor—”</p><p>“I can’t believe you.” Severus shook his head, poorly repressing a smile. “This is your ‘absolutely cannot wait until June’ urgent?”</p><p>“See, you don’t even sound mad.”</p><p>“I am not. I like that bathtub. Certainly more than mock-exam corridor duty, for that matter. But if Slytherin loses points while McGonagall covers for me, it’s all on you.”</p><p>“I think I can live with that,” Lucius said, leaning more to him while they walked through the corridor.</p><p>Suddenly, Severus heard creaking and pushed his hand away, afraid it could be Draco. Indeed, when he turned over his shoulder, he saw the boy slink through the hall. This made him lag – Lucius was already on the landing of the stairs. “Shall I congratulate myself on asking mother to babysit him?” he wondered, looking at him rather indulgently from above.</p><p>Severus shrugged, striding up after him. “Does Narcissa still insist on Hogwarts? I dread the day he becomes a student of mine.”</p><p>“Yes, actually. We have agreed on her version, though we seem to have differing viewpoints on parental control. But you shouldn’t worry about it, we don’t need to tell him.” He waved his hand, as though swatting the concern away. Then, he returned to undoing the fastenings of his robe while they walked through the corridor. “Definitely he isn’t ready for that yet and it wouldn’t be very pedagogical to have him know he’ll have special treatment, though I suppose that much he’ll figure out either way... And between you and Aurora, it would be both an overall uncomfortable situation for him and a risk of our secrets spilling out.” He paused, opening the door to the suite connected to the bathroom. “Which, well – I’d much rather people kept assuming it was her and you, than to have Dumbledore know for sure.”</p><p>“Draco will not get special treatment from me—”  </p><p>“Repeat this some more and maybe I’ll start believing it.” Lucius dismissed his protest with another wave of his hand, having put his robe away onto the hanger by the door. He left his boots beneath it and Severus took off his. “You’ve always been partial to him. Quite sweetly so, in my opinion,” Lucius added, opening the bathroom before him with a flick of his wand.</p><p>The bathtub, or rather, the pool, was already filled with water. Seemingly black in the faint gleam of the chandelier, it wrinkled at the draught from the entrance.</p><p>“You’re rather prepared with your urgent matter, I see.” Severus wasn’t sure himself whether he meant the bath, or the fact Lucius had just slipped out of his trousers.</p><p>Having taken it off in one movement, Lucius threw his undershirt onto the floor. It landed close to Severus, a bright teal spot on the dark tiles. “I tend to be.” He turned to give him a sultry glance before walking up to the edge of the pool.</p><p>Severus watched him descend into it, which Lucius did gracefully and without hiding that he enjoyed putting on a show. Once half-covered by the water, Lucius leaned to leave his wand on the side of the pool. He placed it in arm’s reach from the marble seat, no doubt – a strategic decision. Severus was working at the fastenings of his robe without sparing them a glance. Meanwhile, Lucius took another step down and then finally reached the verge of the stairs. The ripples around his back widened while he let his hair loose before immersing himself in the water whole. When he surfaced again, it was soaking wet.</p><p>Now facing him, Lucius swam his way when Severus stepped into the bath. He plunged beneath the water surface and re-emerged when Severus was already sitting in the bay of the pool. Water streaked down Lucius’ momentarily closed eyes. Having flipped his hair back in a hurricane of droplets, he climbed onto Severus’ lap. His smooth skin clung to Severus’ as he wrapped himself around him. His – ringless, Severus noted, fingers disappeared under the dark surface. He felt them a moment later, as the water they pushed tapped onto the inner side of his thigh. Severus put his hands around Lucius and edged further into the seat, pulling him along.</p><p>One hand grasping Severus’ shoulder for support, Lucius arched his back as he leaned away. He tilted his head, hair touching the water, and Severus had to grip him tighter to prevent him from slipping. When Lucius straightened, a fresh stream of droplets trickled down Severus’ hands. The impossibly regular flush in Lucius’ cheeks deepened before his fingers coiled around Severus’ cock. No, around the both of them, pressing them together.</p><p>“You can <em>hardly </em>stand two weeks without me, Severus, and there you were, planning to make it a whole month,” Lucius teased. His expression was still one of detached interest rather than passion, but his eyes had the shine of cuffs used for the wrong thing. His hand moved steadily up and down the lengths of them, skin rubbing against skin with only the water to soften the friction.</p><p>“Look who’s talking,” Severus whispered, or rather – rasped out into his ear. He lifted the soaked wisp of hair off it, then kissed its lobe, wet and cold. As his lips traced along the line of Lucius’ neck, he felt him stiffen. He removed his hand from the small of his back and let it roam it for a while, only to then lift it and put it on Lucius’ chest. His fingers circled around his nipples, down the faint triangle of darker hair between them.</p><p>As if to mirror him, Lucius released their members and lifted his hands to Severus’ chest. He carried on the quickening rhythm with just the motion of his hips against Severus. Then, his mouth found his, wet both with water and spit. He didn’t let go until Severus moaned into his lips.</p><p>“Close,” Lucius said when they parted, a ragged little sound that confirmed the obvious.</p><p>Severus was trying to control his own body. As poorly as that usually went it these circumstances, he did well enough to watch orgasm take hold of Lucius. His back arched, involuntarily this time. Hands slid down Severus’ chest, splattering water all over them both. The sloshing mingled with Lucius’ panting. He felt the added warmth scorching his stomach and heard his own breath hitch. Lucius gave out a long, deep sigh that bordered on a groan. It reverberated in Severus’ ears, enhanced by the echo of the bathroom. But before Lucius had opened his eyes to glance at him from beneath half-shut eyelids – satisfied, and right before Severus would allow the shiver cumulated in his spine to surge through him, his motions ceased abruptly.</p><p>“—wha—“ Severus started to ask, but before he finished Lucius had already slithered off his lap. He flashed him a mischievously pearly smile. From that, Severus guessed this was very much planned. He tried to catch him as he drew away, but Lucius slipped from his hands, sleek like a Mediterranean merman. Splashing water over him, Lucius swam away. The pool wasn’t very deep, but apart from the marble seat, it was deep enough to dive in. Bright hair glimpsed beneath the dark, rippling water, and in a moment he emerged on the other end.</p><p>“Come to me. Then we’ll see about the ‘for me’ part,” Lucius said with an inviting wink.</p><p>Although he had to stop himself from shaking his head at the ridiculous game, Severus dived after him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. September 1992</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>First time he witnessed Lucius jumping down into the bay was during that surprisingly not shitty part of 1976.</p><p>The end of his stay at the French property was nearing and Lucius had decided to give him a heart attack for a parting present. They climbed up the cliff during their walk before dinner. Lucius stopped inches from its edge and Severus halted by his side, looking down like he was.</p><p>“Do you think there would be enough time to point your wand at something as you jumped down? Crush the rocks before they’d crush you, if the wind blew sideways?” Lucius asked back then, seeming to aim that question at nobody in particular.</p><p>Just like now, Severus only said, “I don’t think that’s a sane idea to begin with.”</p><p>In both cases, all he accomplished was getting Lucius to turn to him with a wide grin and glints of battle-proper determination in his eyes. “Surely I wouldn’t do anything in-sane, so there’s only way to prove you wrong.”</p><p>Before he processed those words, Lucius had already plunged into the sea. Severus grasped the air where he had stood, each time too late by fractions of a second. Back then, realising Lucius had indeed lost his marbles, he leaned over the edge with dread. He glanced down the wall of stone, bracing himself to see something horrifying. Next, he ran down to the beach to check up on the Malfoy. Now, he only leaned over the fringe of the cliff, waiting for him to surface. The downpour was churning the waves below. Their foam swirled around so wildly it swallowed the stones – exactly the reason he had warned Lucius this was a deranged impulse.</p><p>It took him a moment to distinguish the platinum shape of Lucius’ head between the white billows. In spite of his worst fears, the blond spot below moved, opposite to the tide. Severus could imagine him waving, wand up as he cast the umbrella spell over himself again. The ocean was one thing, but Lucius had never liked the rain. Severus, on the other hand, did not mind either and so he broke off the charm over his head, readying to jump. He was careful not to slip on the wet ground, but apart from that – trusted he wouldn’t injure himself, much like Lucius hadn’t. Frankly, it did not feel that high once someone had gotten the grip of it.</p><p>A couple minutes later, they emerged from the warm waters right into the cold of the rain. Their clothes had been waiting for them under a barrier to keep them dry. But the wind blew them sideways and into the torrent, leaving them sodden. Since neither of the two wizards had broken any bones, they walked back to the house briskly. Both their pace and Lucius’ fanciful spell were warming them. Though the charm was costly in energy, it did its job so well Severus did not feel gooseflesh on his skin – or Lucius’ for that matter, when his arm wrapped him over his back.</p><p>They stalked into the corridor so drenched they were leaving puddles on the carpet. As they headed to the staircase, Aurora emerged out of the room on the right. The cup she was holding spilled a few droplets when she swerved around them. Apparently, she had scanned them head to toe, noticing Lucius’ swimming attire under his soaked robe.</p><p>“You’ve been swimming? In this weather?”</p><p>“Yes, we have been, darling.” Far too comfortable with the state of them both, Lucius decided to stop and chat. He turned to her, undaunted by how his robe and hair were glued wetly to his skin. Notwithstanding, he never had anything to be ashamed of in terms of his looks. That differed for Severus, who was perfectly aware he currently resembled a drowned rat. Or bat, maybe, with the cape hanging tiredly off his shoulders.</p><p>“—Honestly, it would be a waste not to when the heat had warmed the sea so well through the day. It’s only the arrival of you two that brought along the accursed Scottish weather. Perhaps you should check it with the stars when to come, next time.”</p><p>“That is not my area of expertise and you know it, Lucius,” Aurora laughed. “But I could ask Sybill – I’m more than sure she’ll read me that, and ten years of unfortunate events to follow.”</p><p>“You do that, love. Always some sort of an entertainment for the rest of us, blind people.”</p><p>Eager to get upstairs, Severus let go of Lucius’ hand just when Narcissa entered the corridor. “This doesn’t seem like the greatest moment for you two to be bonding,” she noted, scooping the fleshier woman away by her arm. Briefly, Severus wondered whether she had seen his unease or done this merely out of politeness. He was taking a breath of relief when she leaned out of the doorframe once more. “Oh, and Severus, if he love-s or darling-s my girlfriend again, will you please hex him from me?”</p><p>Severus looked over at her from the steps. “You have my word, Narcissa.” In the corner of his eye, glimpsed Lucius’ outraged expression. “See, I knew I am not the only one who finds that habit of yours irritating,” Severus told him before resuming his climb.</p><p>Lucius tilted his head as though it was his first time hearing this. “You weren’t? Who else is? Wife of mine, shall I so address you from now on?”</p><p>Still in half a step between the drawing room and the corridor, Narcissa replied, “No, darling - that remains appropriate. Speaking of which, does he still sweetheart you, Severus?”</p><p>Severus had reached the upper floor, now blessedly hidden from the sight of those below. He still heard the laugh issuing from where Aurora had disappeared. “He calls you what?” she exclaimed with amusement.</p><p>“Thank you, Cissy. Exactly what I needed is for her to know this as well,” Severus grumbled under his breath, though there was no way she could hear him from here.</p><p>“Well…” Lucius drawled, probably deliberating on how to answer that for him. “I am neither confirming nor denying that. Perhaps Severus will, but we shall join you once we’re a little more presentable.” He finally realised Severus was not by his side anymore; his footsteps followed quickly.</p><p>Later, in their rooms, having changed and dried his hair, Severus waited for Lucius to get ready. Bored out of his mind, but knowing he did not have the time to start reading, he was browsing through the contents of the wardrobe. It had been properly stocked ever since Lucius took the place over from Abraxas last year. The sumptuous fabrics were practically spilling out of the magically expanded room.</p><p>After a while, Severus came across a peculiar finding. He examined it, confirming his initial suspicion. How it could have landed there was a mystery. Once he heard the bathroom door open, he decided to confront Lucius about it.</p><p>“You liar,” he began.</p><p>Lucius hurried over to him. “Hmm?”</p><p>“You liar. You said you’d get rid of it.”</p><p>“Of what exactly?” Lucius cocked a brow, leaning against the doorframe. Somehow, after the eternity he had spent in the bathroom, the ends of his hair were still wet; or again, who knew with him.</p><p>“The dress robe you bought for me to wear on your wedding.” It happened ages ago. The garment should not even have lasted this long, yet alone – in perfect condition, waiting on the border between Lucius’ clothes and the mostly empty hangers for him.</p><p>“Oh, I still have it?” Lucius asked, in the poorest performance of innocence Severus had ever seen.</p><p>“I wonder – how could it have travelled to France all on its own? Do you think it might be cursed?”</p><p>Lucius grinned at him, coming up closer. “You can either blame me – or the house elves whose duty was to bring some of your things from the manor. Show me, though.”</p><p>“There,” Severus offered, extending his arm with the hanger to Lucius.</p><p>“Not what I meant.”</p><p>“I know perfectly well what you meant. I am not putting it on.” He had no intention of putting on that thing, with its patterned jacket and extravagant silver buttons. Enough that he wore it once.</p><p>“I didn’t—” Lucius opposed, but a disappointed shadow flitted through his face.</p><p>“Mhm, save that.” Severus measured him with a fond, if a bit annoyed, gaze. The wet strands of hair lay neatly over Lucius’ undershirt, not thrown away by the swift movement of his head. Perhaps he had left them damp on purpose, then. “And hurry up, that as well,”</p><p>“You know what – if <em>you</em> won’t put it on…”</p><p>“What a—” Severus tried to protest, but Lucius had already snatched the robe from his hands.</p><p>In a swift stride, he was out of the wardrobe, disappearing behind the bathroom doors and locking them before Severus could have pulled their handle. It took a while before Lucius opened them again.</p><p>He must have done something to the robe. Severus was certain it had not wrapped the waist this closely when he wore it, or else he would never had done so. Lucius must have adjusted the robe to his size only where it required it most, leaving the rest close-fitting enough for that to be noticeable but not look too small. He had ditched the overrobe too, leaving his neck collarless with only the highest, emerald-incrusted button to draw attention to it. That decision also made it easier to notice the curve or his arse when he turned around, hair orderly resting on his shoulders through the twirl.</p><p>“You should change,” Severus told him when their eyes met.</p><p>“That’s out of the question. You wouldn’t want Cissy to wait for us any longer, would you?”</p><p>“You look ridiculous.” He could at least have the decency to put the jacket over himself. Why hadn’t he, actually? Either to tease Severus with how he looked without it or because tailoring the velvet finishes was too hard for his spells. More likely the former.</p><p>“Do I?” Lucius’ voice was spiked with incredulity. There was a mirror in that bathroom, after all, and a rather huge one. He puffed his chest out a tad, straightening to his full height. The shiny material over his shoulders smoothened and the buttons strained themselves visibly while he took a deep breath. Good God, the man should have been forbidden to wear anything remotely tight fitting, especially if it was dark-coloured.</p><p>Severus swallowed. “Yes.”</p><p>“Well then, we’ll both have to stand through the ridicule.” Lucius patted his back in encouragement. “It’s only the official love of my life and her girlfriend, I’m more than sure they will not… judge me.”</p><p>When Lucius took his arm to head downstairs, Severus was still barely supressing a smile. ‘The official love of my life’, as in – ‘in contrast to you, the unofficial one’.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p> Before you tell me it was too Gryffindorish of young Lucius, let alone the older one, to jump from a cliff, be advised there had been an indeterminate number of secret trials before he dared to do so. Even then, it was more of a ‘Look at me being amazing,’ than ‘Look at me being brave’ situation. I would also like to say no house-elves were harmed in the process, but I think they would be his go-to guinea pigs, so this would probably be a lie.<br/>
Anyway, these are practically last moments they are fairly carefree, so let’s hang on to them. And yes, Severus is a simp for romantic gestures/declarations, if only on the inside. 
</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Your thoughts and opinions are always welcome!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>